PLEASE FORWARD/POST TO OTHER AIRHEADS ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1995-07 July, 1995 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1995-07-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1995-07-01 Table of Contents 1995-07-02 Micromini Housekeeping Notes 1995-07-03 Alluring Abstracts from AIR 1:4 1995-07-04 Inevitably, Limericks 1995-07-05 Madam Curie's Lipstick 1995-07-06 Top Quark Klein Bottle Controversy - Final Chapter 1995-07-07 Intelligent Love Warning 1995-07-08 Yearning Towards Romania 1995-07-09 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results 1995-07-10 May We Recommend... 1995-07-11 AIRhead Events 1995-07-12 Calls for Papers 1995-07-13 What is AIR? (*) 1995-07-14 How to Subscribe to AIR(*) 1995-07-15 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*) 1995-07-16 Our Address (*) 1995-07-17 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-07-02 Micromini Housekeeping Notes 1. Many of you received extra copies of mini-AIR 1996-06. Our new list processor was not fully housebroken. We apologize for the clutter, and hope that mini-fido is better behaved this time. 2. AIRHEAD VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES. Please get in touch if you would like to help with either of these activities: a. AIRheads in the Cambridge area to help prepare the 1995 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony. b. AIRhead research librarians anywhere who are eager and able to dig up copies of genuine research articles that our readers alert us to [see section 1995-07-10 below for examples]. c. If you have a Macintosh capable of running page layout software that you can donate to AIR, you will earn the gratitude of AIRheads everywhere. 3. By popular request, yes you can now use a credit card (your own, please) to subscribe to AIR. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-07-03 Alluring Abstracts from AIR 1:4 AIR is a subversively educational print journal. The articles in AIR are longer, more visual, and more xeroxible than the tiny tidbits we publish in mini-AIR. Below are summaries of a few randomly selected articles from vol. 1, no. 4, the July/August 1995 issue. "The Okamura Fossil Laboratory," by Earle Spamer. During the 1970s and 1980s Japanese paleontologist Chonusuke Okamura published a profusion of microphotographs. These documented the fossils of previously unknown "minicreatures" -- minireptiles, minibirds, minidinosaurs, minidragons and minivertebrates. All of these creatures were 1.0-1.5 milimeters in size. [This report includes photomicrographs of a minibrontosaurus (Brontosaurus excelsus miniorientalis), a miniwoman (Homo sapiens miniorientalis), a Silurian miniduck (Archaeoanus japonica), and other specimens. --see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 4, July/August 1995, pp. 4-9. NOTE: The following US institutions hold copies of the original "Reports of the Okamura Fossil Laboratory. We urge you to visit them: Academy of Natural Sciences (Philadelphia); Colorado School of Mines Cornell University Denver Public Library Field Museum of Natural History Harvard Museum of Comparative Zoology Kent State University Pell Marine Science Library (Naragansett RI) Smithsonian Institution US Geological Survey (Reston VA) UC Los Angeles UC San Diego University of Houston University of Texas at Austin University of Wyoming Readers from outside the US are urged to help us compile a complete international list of Okamura sites. (Please e-mail the info to spamer@say.acnatsci.org) Nobel Interview: James Watson. The co-discoverer of the DNA's double helix structure answers questions about being cleanshaven, and also comments on the nature of DNA cologne. --see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 4, July/August 1995, pp. 13-14. "FLYMOL: An Interactive Molecular Graphics Flight Simulator," by Simon H. Friedman. The author has created an interactive molecular graphics flight simulator, a boon for chemists and military aviators alike. The simulated 20 mm cannon fire is scaled to impart -1.2 eV per round; it can be used to induce bond rotations and modest movements of substrates and inhibitors. [Includes photo of the fighter attacking a molecule with a sidewinder missile.} --see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 4, July/August 1995, p. 12. "Fifty Ways to Love Your Liver," poem by Jeffrey B. Moran. The poem begins: This organ's not inside your head, she said to me. It's in the abdomen, anatomically. I'd like to help you understand hepatically, There must be fifty ways to love your liver." [Accompanied by photo of a liver.] --see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 4, July/August 1995, p. 15. "Research Cafeteria Review: The General Motors Research and Development Center, Warren, Michigan," by Stephen Drew. An excerpt: Arv Mueller, GM's Vice President and Group Executive for Vehicle Development and Technical Operations, told us that he can always count on the sandwiches. What does he find memorable about them? "Nothing whatsoever. I guess I can't say much about the uniqueness of the food. It's just food." --see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 4, July/August 1995, pp. 16-17. "The Ability of Woodchucks to Chuck Cellulose Fibers," by P.A. Paskevich and T.B. Shea. This study answers two questions: Can a woodchuck in fact chuck wood, and if so, can the chucked material be quantified? --see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 4, July/August 1995, pp. 4-9. "The Correlation between Tornadoes and Trailer Homes," by Frank Wu. --see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 4, July/August 1995, pp. 20-21. These full articles, and much more, are published in AIR. We invite you to subscribe and become an official AIRhead. =============== 1995-07-04 Inevitably, Limericks We hesitantly announce a new research project: The AIRhead Science Limerick Compendium. The first entry is from reader Peter Olsen. Olsen used as it the entire answer to a final examination question: "Describe what you have learned in this course." In Arctic and Tropical Climes, The Integers, addition, and times, Taken (mod p) will yield, A full finite field, As p ranges over the primes. Please submit your AIRhead limericks to bourbaki@neu.edu New limericks (if such things exist) only, please. ============= 1995-07-05 Madam Curie's Lipstick We pass on to you this plea from a researcher in need: "I collect the lipsticks of famous women, and the lipsticks of women scientists are very rare because so few of them use it. Do you have another sample for sale? Especially desired, but not limited to, are ones applied by: Marie Curie Grace Hopper Irene Joliot-Curie Margaret Mead Lise Meitner Sally Ride Valentina Tereshkova "I just missed getting one of Grace Hopper's, but the Computer Museum had already auctioned it off before I heard about the auction." James Ward 1638 LaSalle Avenue McLean, VA 22102 jfw@radix.net -------------------------------------------------------- 1995-07-06 Top Quark Klein Bottle Controversy - Final Chapter There is continued controversy about how to preserve Fermilab's valuable yet ever-so-fleeting collection of top quarks. Hoping to preclude further correspondence, we have agreed to publish two final letters on the matter: "In regards to Dr Hughes solution (mentioned in mini-AIR 1995-06) to the Top Quark packaging problem (mentioned in mini-AIR 1995- 03), I would like to point out that if there is a Klein bottle, the Top Quarks are already safely inside." -Michael Sullivan "I must remark on the imprecision with which Dr. Hughes made his suggestion toward top quark packaging. As the Klein bottle has but one surface, its outside is its inside, and no action is required to effect containment. What would be more valuable would be the supply of a Klein bottle." -Lyle Wiedeman, Univ. Calif. Irvine ---------------------------------------------- 1995-07-07 Intelligent Love Warning Drexel University physicist Leonard X. Inspired by the famous Oliver North PROFS note experiments, Finegold has been conducting research on the longevity of deleted billets doux. He issues this notice to all computer users: "This is a reminder that, if you think you've deleted your love letter(s) to all your old flames from your floppy (or even hard) disc, then you probably have not. "Deletion" simply allows computer to overwrite the space; a proper deletion (e.g. Norton Utilities 'Government Wipe') definitely and irrevocably deletes the space." ------------------------------------------------ 1995-07-08 Yearning Towards Romania Communications links with Romania are at this point intriguingly tenuous. There is speculation that Romania's Internet connections operate on some sort of lunar cycle. Those of you who have been trying to contact the editors of the forthcoming Romanian edition of mini-AIR (mini-AIR-R) are urged to keep trying. The address, again, is Traian Mihaescu and Henri Luchian ---------------------------------------------------------- 1995-07-08 Yearning Towards Romania As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number two thousand. The following items were randomly selected items from the massive Horvath 2000 Collection, submitted by investigator David Horvath: ITEM #HORVATH-206 "ZOO 2000," interactive video starring Jacues Cousteau and dolphins. ITEM #HORVATH-384 "COLORSHOW 2000," "the ONLY "all-in-one" LCD data projector priced under $4,000 is now available exclusively from BOXLIGHT!" ITEM #HORVATH-386 "CENTRIPLEX 2000," data storage device by the EMC2 company. It is based on the company's "MOSAIC 2000" architecture. [MOSAIC 2000 is item #HORVATH-389 in our collection.] ITEM #HORVATH-727 "INTERNET 2000: THE PATH TO TOTAL NETWORK," book by Stephen Arnold, president of Arnold Information Technology. ITEM #HORVATH-2118 "BEAMSHOT 2000," laser device for aiming handguns. [The literature says to call 1-800-520-8425 for details.] ----------------------------------------------------------- 1995-07-10 May We Recommend... Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to those which appear in AIR itself.) WHEN LUCK STRIKES "Precautions when lightning strikes during the monsoon: the effect of ozone on condoms," by RF Baker, RP Sherwin, GS Bernstein, et al, "Journal of the American Medical Association," vol. 260, no. 10, 1988. (Thanks to Sirid-Aimee Kellermann for bringing this to our attention.) CORK HAZARD "Met het oog op... de champagnekurk," J. E. E. Keunen and C. W. J. Storimans, "Ned Tijdschr Goneeskd," Vol. 138, no, 52, December 24, 1994, pp. 2594-6. Thanks to Peter Kootstra for bringing this to our attention. The article is in Dutch; here is the English abstract that accompanies it: "With an eye on...the champagne cork." Two patients, males of 31 and 15 years old, developed blunt injury in one eye, including hyphacma, due to a champagne cork. In one patient surgical evacuation was performed, the other recovered with drug therapy only. Inquiries in other opthalmic departments in the Netherlands indicate that this type of trauma seems to be more frequent at the turn of the year." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1995-07-11 AIRhead Events 1995 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY, Harvard Thurs, Oct 5 (approx.) Exact date and location to be announced. The ceremony is co- sponsored by the Harvard Computer Society and by Tangents, the Harvard-Radcliffe mathematical bulletin. It will be recorded for later broadcast on NPR's "Talk of the Nation/Science Friday" program. INTERSOCIETY POLYMER CONFERENCE Tues, Oct 10 Keynote address / improbable research seminar / slide show. Stouffer Harborplace Hotel, Baltimore, MD Info: (518) 387-7942 FROSTBURG STATE (Maryland) Thurs,October 19 Seminar/slide show on "Advances in Improbable Research." [Anyone wishing to host AIRhead events elsewhere in the GREATER PITTBURGH AREA that week please contact us.] FOLIO CONFERENCE, Hilton Hotel, New York City Thurs, Oct 26 AIRhead lecture/slide show for magazine editors and publishers on the topic "Camshafts, Beer, and Cindy Crawford: How to Make a Dull Topic Irresistable." Info: John Nelson, American Society of Business Press Editors, 708-889-4141 AIRHEADS ON TV: Several times a month, AIR's editor and authors present AIRhead science reports on ABC's World News Now. Call local ABC-TV affiliate for dates and times. *** (1) If you would like to host an improbable research seminar / slide show please get in touch with us. (2) If you would like to have at least one non-dozing session at your next convention, invite an AIRhead to come liven things up. --------------------------------------------------------------- 1995-07-12 Calls for Papers CALL FOR research papers for an interdisciplinary study of INCOMPETENCE. LAST CALL FOR NOMINATIONS for the 1995 Ig Nobel Prizes. Prizes are awarded for achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced. Nominations may be submitted, anonymously or otherwise, by e-mail or by standard mail. Please include documentation. --------------------------------------------------------------- 1995-07-13 WHAT IS AIR? (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) is a splendidly subversive science humor magazine produced by the entire former editorial staff (1955-1994) of "The Journal of Irreproducible Results" and by other research scientists and other AIRheads from around the world. AIR's co-founders are Marc Abrahams, who edited the Journal from 1990-1994, and Alexander Kohn, who co-founded the Journal in 1955 and was its editor until 1989. The editorial board consists of more than 40 distinguished scientists from around the world, including seven Nobel Laureates and a convicted felon. Each October, AIR produces the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, honoring people whose achievements "cannot or should not be reproduced." -------------------------------------- 1995-07-14 How to Subscribe to AIR(*) Amaze your colleagues. Delight your friends. Impress yourself. Subscribe to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)! Put more AIR in the lab, the classroom, the office, the waiting room, the library, the living room, the restroom, ...the detention center. And it makes a lovely gift of the most unexpected kind. 6 issues per year. Highly enriched, yet contains no cholesterol. ============================================== Rates (in US dollars) USA 1 year - $19.95 2 years - $34.95 Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45 Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70 Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover cards) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927 air@improb.com --------------------------- 1995-07-15 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*) mini-AIR is an monthly electronic newsletter of overflow tidbits from The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It is available over the Internet, free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E- mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) --------------------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve issue 95-00003, send this message: GET MINI-AIR 95-00003 ::::: Hot AIR, our home page is undergoing major reconstruction. Several enthralling new features will be announced soon. ::::: AIR extracts on USENET The USENET newsgroup clari.feature.imprb_research presents a syndicated weekly column of reports extracted from The Annals of Improbable Research. [NOTE: This is available only if your Internet site subscribes to the Clarinet newsgroups.] --------------------------- 1995-07-16 Our Address The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853 Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO: info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com URL: //web.mit.edu/improb/ or //web.mit.edu/afs/athena/org/i/improb/www/home.html (Soon, soon we will be announcing a new URL) PLEASE include your Internet address and a SASE in all printed correspondence. --------------------------- 1995-07-17 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1995, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@mit.edu) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITORS: Mark Dionne, Jane Patrick CO-CONSPIRATORS: Nicki Sorel, Gary Dryfoos RANDOMLY CHOSEN CO-CONSPIRATOR OF THE MONTH: Tatiana Divens MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow & William Lipscomb ============================================================ IMPORTANT -- The Annals of Improbable Research is IN NO WAY associated with the name "The Journal of Irreproducible Results" or with its publisher. ============================================================