PLEASE FORWARD/POST TO OTHER AIRHEADS ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1995-09 September, 1995 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1995-09-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1995-09-01 Table of Contents 1995-09-02 Micro-mini Housekeeping Notes 1995-09-03 Alluring Abstracts from AIR 1:5 1995-09-04 In Defense of Limerickianism 1995-09-05 Limerickianism and a Noted Skeptic 1995-09-06 Ultra Slim-Fast Backlash 1995-09-07 Ig Ceremony: Update on Heisenberg, TV, Tix, Etc. 1995-09-08 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results 1995-09-09 May We Recommend... 1995-09-10 May He Recommend... 1995-09-11 AIRhead Events 1995-09-12 What is AIR? (*) 1995-09-13 How to Subscribe to AIR(*) 1995-09-14 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*) 1995-09-15 Our Address (*) 1995-09-16 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-09-02 Micro-mini Housekeeping Notes 1. Info about tickets, etc. for the 1995 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony are in section 1995-09-07 below. The ceremony will held on the evening of Friday, October 6 2. Thanks to the biophysicists in Scotland who sent us the tinned haggis. It was as delicious as could be expected. 3a. If between Aug 25 and Sept 10 you e-mailed us a citation for the "May We Recommend" column, we sheepishly beseech you to send it in again. We suffered a disk incident that rendered those citations into nothingness. 3b. A reminder that if you are sending LISTPROC commands to the list processor (to retrieve back issues or whatever) please send them to the correct address: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-09-03 Alluring Abstracts from AIR 1:5 AIR is a subversively educational print journal. The articles in AIR are longer, more visual, and more xeroxible than the tiny tidbits we publish in mini-AIR. Below are summaries of a few randomly selected articles from vol. 1, no. 5, the September/October 1995 issue. "The Mathematics of Telephone Numbers," by Yihren Wu and Xiaohui Zhong. The authors study a class of numbers known as "the phone numbers." An example is the number 313-463-1645 As it stands this expression is ambiguous, since substraction is NOT associative; this can be seen by comparing the two forms: (313-463)-1645 and 313-(463-1645) The authors analyze multiplicative and other properties of these numbers. [Includes photos and diagrams.] "The Value of Love, Using the Dylan Model," by Joseph Clibern, Andrew Russ, Tiny Montgomery, and Zeke deCork. Beginning with the folllowing assertion made by Bob Dylan: (Love-0) / No Limit the authors estimate the value of Love using basic algebra of need, perhaps some calculus, and maybe a bit of the geometry of innocence. [Includes photo and copious footnotes.] "Use of the Colon in Titles of British Medical Sociology Conference Papers, 1970 to 1993," by Sue Ziebland and Catherine Pope. The authors examine trends in the use of the colon in paper titles, using evidence from an annual British academic conference. [Includes colon.] "Cindy Crawford Discovers," by Alice Shirell Kaswell. Our intrepid columnist reviews recent research by Cindy Crawford, Isabella Rosallini, Anna Sui and other investigators who publish in the research journal "Harper's Bazaar." Electrical Poetry by P.D. Thistle. A collection of poetry that is of appeal only to Electrical Enthusiasts. Two of the poems are presented here: .........THREE PRONG POEM.................. Three prongs are better than two. ..........A SONG OF MYSELF.................. I love electrical tape. AIR itself includes these full articles, and much more -- including saveral pages (with copious quotes!) of items that merit a trip to the library. We invite you to subscribe and become an official AIRhead. ------------------------------------------------------- 1995-09-04 In Defense of Limerickianism In the July issue of mini-AIR, we announced a new research project: The AIRhead Science Limerick Compendium. Limericks continue to pour in, as do criticisms and carps (three of the latter, fresh frozen). Here is our favorite literary analysis, written by Jay M. Pasachoff of the Williams College physics department. _____________ I was disappointed in the Limerick feature in mini-AIR 1995-08-04, since a limerick is not merely a "five-line fragment." There are detailed rules of meter for limericks: da Da-da da Da-da da Da, da da Da, da da Da, da da Da. da da Da da da Da, da da Da da da Da, da Da-da da Da-da da Da. with lines 1, 2 and 5 rhyming with each other, and lines 3 and 4 rhyming with each other. Thus the offering by Kevin Ahern: A violation of Sir Isaac was found By Megan hurtling fast toward the ground She's not in smithereens Because on trampolines What goes down, must go up, then go down. Can be rewritten into limerick form, saving the excellent last line (with a minor violation in the lack of true rhyme), as: The laws of Sir Isaac were found To bring Megan so fast toward the ground Yet she's not smithereens Since on all trampolines What goes down, must go up, then go down. The "Novel soliton solutions in Rowland ghost gaps" is far from a limerick. A corresponding limerick might read A grating can lead to a blur When its lines cause some ghosts to occur. I showed wriggles and bumps And then also some lumps, But reviewers have yet to concur. Rewriting the next example, with the minor deviation in the lead- in that is often allowed, could give: High-velocity clouds can be found And in galaxies' disks they abound. Now although superbubbles Have given great troubles The model called "fountain" is sound. Finally, a try at Don Homuth's effort might give, allowing (illegally)an extra unaccented syllable at the end: A biology prof name of Cast- er who's project she wanted to last Took an idea complex Aimed at changing the sex Of drisophila melanogaster. It can be fun writing verse that follows the rules. ------------------------------------------------- 1995-09-05 Limerickianism and a Noted Skeptic This month's new limerick sub-collection was written by magician, author and skeptic James Randi (aka "The Amazing Randi). "Of the need to believe I've no doubt," Said the sage as he looked all about At the annual fete Of the psychics who met In convention, their claptrap to tout. A scientist, showing no mirth, Said, "If I owned all of the Earth, I'd give all I've got For a single good shot At the goof who gave cold fusion birth." The physicist made an intrusion, On a conclave that dealt with illusion. "This meeting, by far, Would be better to tar And feather the ghost of cold fusion." The Shroud of Turin, is to me, a Patent fake like a Chinese sangria. In Italy it Would simply not fit The wardrobe of the Pope. Mamma mia! The psychic friends are so handy. I asked them for advice about Mandy. They replied "Yes do go with her in the UFO, just don't tell the amazing randi" Please submit your AIRhead limericks to BOURBAKI@NEU.EDU New limericks (if such things exist) only, please. ------------------------------------------------ 1995-09-06 Ultra Slim-Fast Backlash Last month we published a brief essay by Robert L. Park of the American Physical Society (APS) about a television commercial for the weight-loss product Ultra Slim-Fast. The first and last lines of that essay are reproduced here: It is arguably the most offensive characterization of a scientist since Dr. Strangelove, and it takes just 30 seconds... In this politically-correct era, scientists may be the only group left that advertisers can safely ridicule. Many readers sent in comments. Here are three of them. As regards the Ultra Slim Fast ad that ridicules scientists, I just wanted to mention that advertisers don't seem to mind ridiculing librarians either! We are always depicted with buns and glasses, shushing patrons! Alas. Sarah McCleskey Music Library UNC-Chapel Hill And, I surmise, fat people may be the only group left that asshole scientists can safely ridicule. [exact name not included] HinTysen@aol.com You may like to hear of the representation of Faraday in a British TV advertisement for Tetley's beer. The nauseatingly smooth "hero" of the piece is trying to enjoy a quiet drink of Tetley's in a pub, but is irritated by the antics of Faraday, who is portrayed as a buffoon. In fact Faraday has harnessed his new discovery of electricity to make one of those gadgets which delivers an electric shock to those incautious enough to shake his hand. Our hero indicates to Faraday that his flies (I don't know whether you call trouser fastenings "flies" in the US) are undone, and Faraday checks them, delivering himself a painful shock in a sensitive area. It is particularly offensive that it is the work of one of science's greatest men which is trivialised in this instance. Bob Price Department of Medical Physics Leeds University ------------------------------------------------------------- 1995-09-07 Ig Ceremony: Calling All Delegations, Live TV? The 1995 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony will be held at Harvard University on the evening of Friday, October 6, with Nobel Laureates Herschbach, Glashow, Roberts, Lipscomb et al participating, and featuring the 1995 Ig Nobel Prizewinners, several Nobel Laureates, the Nicola Hawkins Dancers, and jazz Harpist Deborah Henson-Conant. Tickets must be purchased in advance. HEISENBERG CERTAINTY LECTURERS: The prestigious 30-second Heisenberg Certainty Lectures will be delivered by several Nobel Laureates and by other special invited Lecturers. This year's Lecturers include: Tom and Ray Magliozzi of NPR's "Car Talk" program. Robert Kirshner, Chairman of the Harvard Astronomy Department. (Prof. Kirshner has oft been called "The D. Letterman of Astronomy.") DELEGATION TICKETS: The deadline for Audience Delegation applications has been extended to September 22. Details are available from: Margaret Ann Gray mag@mit.edu 617-253-0217 Dee Dow Chase deedc@mit.edu 617-253-5543 INDIVIDUAL TICKETS: Individual tickets will go on sale XXXXXX These tickets will be available ONLY at the...XXXXX There is a limit of two tickets per person. Tickets are $5 each. BENEFACTOR FIGS: Thank you to the generous AIRheads who have sent donations to help fund the ceremony. If you would like to become a FIG (Friend of the Ig), include a self-addressed stamped envelope with your donation; we will send you an attractive FIG certificate. (Any checks for the Ig should be made payable to "AIR.") One person will be chosen at random to receive a free admission ticket to the ceremony and a fleeting yet glorious moment on stage; no donation is necessary to be eligible for this random honor. VIDEO AND SOUND TECHNICIANS: We are still sewing up details about the video and audio aspects of the ceremony. If you are are an expereinced camera person with an experienced 3/4" or beta camera and would like to help out, please get in touch ASAP. LIVE TV? If if if if if if the proper communications line is hooked up in time, we will be able to televise the entire ceremony live (and FREE of charge!). Should this come about, you will be able to see the televised Ig in two places: a) worldwide on the Internet on MBONE (we urge you to find a friend who has the equipment to receive MBONE broadcasts); and b) In the presence of a rabid, eclectically costumed audience in one of the large lecture halls in the Harvard Science Center: If the proper connections are in place, we will announce details immediately and as widely as possible. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1995-09-08 Project AIRhead 2000 (aka AIRhead Project 2000) As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number two thousand. The following items were randomly selected: ITEM #61 (Submitted by investigator Susan F. LaMonde) "RADIO 2000," and internet discussion list by and for radio on-air personalities. ITEM #TKS-140 (submitted by investigator Michael Tice) "CTHULHO 2000: A Lovecraftian Anthology," a collection of 18 stories inspired by the horror fiction of HP Lovecraft. ITEM #2000 (Submitted by investigator Steve Trimberger et al) "PROJECT AIRHEAD 2000" (aka AIRHEAD PROJECT 2000), A list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number two thousand. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1995-09-09 May We Recommend... Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to those which appear in AIR itself.) "The genomic structure of the human UFO receptor," A.S. Schulz; L. Schleithoff; M. Faust; C.R. Bartram; and J.W. Janssen, "Oncogene," vol. 8, 1993, pp. 509-13. (Thanks to Keith Robison for bringing this to our attention.) "Influence of sex on the short-term outcome of elderly patients with a first acute myocardial infarction," H. Bueno, M.T. Vidan, A. Almazan, J.L. Lopez-Sendon, and J.L. Delcan, "Circulation," vol. 92, no. 5, 1995. (Thanks to Ron Stickney for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-09-10 May He Recommend... Last month we recommended (among other thigns) the following item as "meriting a trip to the library": "Ear preference in telephone listening," J. Seeman and W. Surwillo, "Perceptual and Motor Skills," vol. 65, 1987, pp. 803-9. Rather than journey to the library, one reader sent us this distilled comment: So, you make fun of items like this? It could well be a reasonable research in human perception & physiology. The problem with people who believe that they make fun on the items like the above is that they in fact make fun of themselves. Equally well 95% (if not 100%) of all the titles in Phys.Rev., J.Molec.Biology (or whatever) sound as a sheer nonsense to 99% of all people. (And the truth is that in almost all cases this people's opinion is not too off from the reality.) Alexander A. Berezin, McMaster University, Hamilton, Ontario ----------------------------------------------------------- 1995-09-11 AIRhead Events [The most current version of this list can always be obtained by sending e-mail to INFO@IMPROB.COM] "THE CONNECTION" (National Public Radio) Fri, Oct 6 Prior to the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, keynote speaker Dr. Robert Lopez (who won a 1994 Prize for putting cat ear mites into his own ear) and several other participants will discuss their work, philosophy and personal habits, and take call-in questions. Consult your local station for exact time. 1995 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY, Harvard University Fri, Oct 6, 7:30 The ceremony is co-sponsored by the Harvard Computer Society and by Tangents, the Harvard-Radcliffe mathematical bulletin. It will be recorded for later broadcast on NPR's "Talk of the Nation/Science Friday" program. Tickets must be purchased in advance. (For more details, send e-mail to INFO@IMPROB.COM) "LIVING ON EARTH" (International Public Radio) Fri, Oct 6 The first of a continuing series of AIRhead commentaries will appear on PRI's "Living On Earth" Program. Consult your local station for exact time. (In some cities this might be broadcast on a different day.] INTERSOCIETY POLYMER CONFERENCE, Baltimore Tues, Oct 10 Dinner and Keynote Address: "Improbable Research." Stouffer Harborplace Hotel. Info: (518) 387-7942 CARNEGIE MELLON UNIVERSITY, Pittsburgh Tues, Oct 17 7:00 Seminar/slide show on "Advances in Improbable Research." Doherty Hall 2315. Info: Catherine_Copetas@GANDALF.CS.CMU.EDU FROSTBURG STATE (Maryland) Thurs,October 19 4:00 Seminar on improbably good science writing. 7:30 at the Lane Center. Seminar/slide show on "Advances in Improbable Research." Info: Cab Vinton D2LBVIN@FRA00.FSU.UMD.EDU FOLIO CONFERENCE, Hilton Hotel, New York City Thurs, Oct 26 2:00 AIRhead lecture/slide show for magazine editors and publishers on the topic "Camshafts, Beer, and Cindy Crawford: How to Make a Dull Topic Irresistable." Info: John Nelson, American Society of Business Press Editors, 708-889-4141 MIT ALUMNI CLUB, Albany New York Thursday evening, Dec 14 INFO: Wendy Gilman: 518-443-5168 or 518-270-1882 GILMANW@CA.SUNYCENTRAL.EDU AIRHEADS ON TV: From time to time, AIR's editor and authors present AIRhead science reports on ABC's World News Now and public Radio's "Living On Earth." If you would like to host an improbable research seminar / slide show please get in touch with us. --------------------------------------------------------------- 1995-09-12 WHAT IS AIR? (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) is a splendidly subversive science humor magazine produced by the founders and entire former editorial staff (1955-1994) of "The Journal of Irreproducible Results" and by other research scientists and other AIRheads from around the world. AIR's co-founders are Marc Abrahams, who edited the Journal from 1990-1994, and Alexander Kohn, who co-founded the Journal in 1955 and was its editor until 1989. The editorial board consists of more than 40 distinguished scientists from around the world, including eight Nobel Laureates and a convicted felon. Each October, AIR produces the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, honoring people whose achievements "cannot or should not be reproduced." [IMPORTANT -- AIR is IN NO WAY associated with the name "The Journal of Irreproducible Results" or with the entity which now owns that name.] -------------------------------------- 1995-09-13 How to Subscribe to AIR(*) Amaze your colleagues. Delight your friends. Impress yourself. Subscribe to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)! Put more AIR in the lab, the classroom, the office, the waiting room, the library, the living room, the restroom, ...the detention center. And it makes a lovely gift of the most unexpected kind. 6 issues per year. Highly enriched, yet contains no cholesterol. ============================================== Rates (in US dollars) USA 1 year - $19.95 2 years - $34.95 Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45 Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70 Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover cards) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927 air@improb.com --------------------------- 1995-09-14 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*) mini-AIR is an monthly electronic newsletter of overflow tidbits from The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It is available over the Internet, free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E- mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) --------------------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated 950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706 ::::: AIR extracts on USENET The USENET newsgroup clari.feature.imprb_research presents a syndicated weekly column of reports extracted from The Annals of Improbable Research. [NOTE: This is available only if your Internet site subscribes to the Clarinet newsgroups.] --------------------------- 1995-09-15 Our Address The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853 Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com URL: http://www.improb.com/ We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it. IF you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a SASE in all printed correspondence. --------------------------- 1995-09-16 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1995, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@mit.edu) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITORS: Mark Dionne, Jane Patrick CO-CONSPIRATORS: Nicki Sorel, Gary Dryfoos MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow & William Lipscomb ============================================================