PLEASE FORWARD/POST TO OTHER AIRHEADS ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1995-11 November, 1995 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1995-11-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1995-11-01 Table of Contents 1995-11-02 Micro-mini Housekeeping Notes 1995-11-03 More Alluring Abstracts from AIR 1:6 1995-11-04 Ig Nobel Update: Dear Idiot 1995-11-05 Announcing: "Biggest Blowhard" Survey 1995-11-06 Nobel Laureate Hoffmann's Views on Junk Mail 1995-11-07 Call for Papers: Psychiatric Disorder Plagues 1995-11-08 AIRhead Science Limericks 1995-11-09 AIRhead Project 2000 1995-11-10 May We Recommend... 1995-11-11 AIRhead Events 1995-11-12 What is AIR? (*) 1995-11-13 How to Subscribe to AIR(*) 1995-11-14 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*) 1995-11-15 Our Address (*) 1995-11-16 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-11-02 Micro-mini Housekeeping Notes 1. We remind you that a recording of this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony will be broadcast in the US on National Public Radio's "Talk of the Nation" program on Friday, Nov. 24, the day after Thanksgiving. And yes, yes, yes, we really are preparing a video of this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony; details will be announced soon, soon. 2. As partially predicted, the new mailer program that distributes mini-AIR went on a rampage and vaporized approx. 24,000 addresses (including a good many mailing lists) from the distribution list. We managed to restore most of them from a backup. However, many names that were added or deleted during recent weeks have now been, respectively, deleted or added. If you are one of them, let us know A FEW DAYS FROM NOW and we'll re-add, delete, multiply or divide you. 3. We are fearfully proud to announce a massive, important new survey: the Biggest Blowhard Survey. See section 1995-11-05 below for details. 4. A limited-seating AIRhead research seminar is scheduled for Los Angeles in late April. Anyone in the LA area who would like to host additional seminars/slide shows please send email to marca@wilson.harvard.edu 5. AIR is looking for an adventurous, good sales rep to help with our rapid inflation. Looney toons need not apply. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-11-03 More Alluring Abstracts from AIR 1:6 AIR is a subversively educational print journal. The articles in AIR are longer, more visual, and more xeroxible than the tiny tidbits we publish in mini-AIR. AIR vol. 1, no. 6, the November/December 1995 issue, is a special issue devoted partially to research on animal behavior. Among the most prominent articles are: A] Researchers in North Carolina (Mike Dubik and Brian Wood) have performed medical tests that answer the question "How Dead is a Doornail?" B] A report from senior AIRhead Harry Lipkin of the Weizmann Institute presents newly discovered KGB data. The data disproves the controversial arguments set forth in Hernnstein and Murray's heartfelt book "The Bell Curve." C] Investigator William Mote of New Orleans describes a new mathematical/logic symbol: "is not about equal to." D] Investigator Margaret Jones of Cranston, Rhode Island reports on the side effects (bald spots, etc) of stress during her Master's Degree pursuit. The effects were evident in two pet german shepherds and in the investigator herself. E] The "AIRhead Research," AIRhead Medical Research," "AIRhead Legal Research" and "May We Recommend" columns present citations and quotations culled from the world's more than 10,000 research journals. Among the topics covered: sonographic detection of swallowed toothpicks; the statistical analysis of dirty pictures; auditory hallucinations in normal subject; Jell-O lasers; and a legal question raised by new surgical techniques (specifically: "How, indeed, does a man with a big penis act?"). The AIRhead Project 2000 list presents details (and in some cases, photos) of: Peace 2000 FM; 2000 Flushes toilet bowl cleaner; Oracle Workgroup 2000; the Anatidae 2000 conference; and the user manual for IBM's Bedroom 2000. D] A scientist from Rondebosch, South Africa (Michael Power) publishes (as our cover photo) a photograph of a crab whose shell resembles a good-natured gentleman. C] Investigator Paul Dueweke of Palo Alto describes his childhood (third grade) experiments that resulted in ants were induced to evolve greater intelligence. Dueweke then describes the ethical considerations that led him to reverse the experiment. B] We publish [in miniature] a photo of the entire contents of a curious US Government document entitled "Obliterating Animal Carcasses With Explosives." The diagrams are thought-provoking, to say the most. A] Columnist Alice Shirell Kaswell reports on recent research performed by supermodel/actress CINDY CRAWFORD on the subject of men, and recent engineering work performed by supermodel/actress ELIZABETH HURLEY. The data are culled from reports in the research journal REDBOOK. AIR includes these full articles and much more. We invite you to subscribe and become an official AIRhead. We also, of course, invite and implore you to submit your own research for publication. ------------------------------------------------------- 1995-11-04 Ig Nobel Update: Dear Idiot What happens to an Ig Nobel Prizewinner after he or she has reached the pinnacle of suscess? Here is news about, or pertaining to, the 1995 Ig Nobel Prizewinners, who were honored at the fifth First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony held October 6 at Harvard. PHYSICS The British press has assaulted -- most unfairly in our view -- this year's physics prize winners. D.M.R. Georget, R. Parker, and A.C. Smith, of the Institute of Food Research, in Norwich, England, won the Prize for their report entitled 'A Study of the Effects of Water Content on the Compaction Behaviour of Breakfast Cereal Flakes" [which was published in the research journal "Powder Technology," November, 1994, vol. 81, no. 2, pp. 189-96]. The October 18 issue of the noted British tabloid newspaper "The Sun" featured a hard-hitting investigative photograph of a naked lovely woman named Emma. Next to it (the significance of the page layout is not clear to us) is a hard-hitting investigative article that begins: Barmy Scientists have spent 100,000 pounds of taxpayers' money finding out why cornflakes go soggy when you pour milk on them. Three boffins carried out a two-year study into "the effects of water content on the compaction behavior of breakfast [sic] flakes"... But now the Sun is launching its own Bran of Britain contest to see if our cereal-chomping young readers can do better. We'll give away boxes of cornflakes for the best 100 answers to the crunch question. Last night, the potty project -- funded by the Ministry of Agriculture -- had critics going crackle and pop. Labour spokesman Gavin Stang branded it a big break-farce and snapped: "It's hard to see how this use of taxpayers' money can be justified." Cornflake giant Kellogg declared: "Our cereals are eaten too quickly to go soggy"... The also noted tabloid newspaper "Daily Star" went further than "The Sun," reporting -- incorrectly -- that the Ig Nobel Committee "slammed" the cereal flake research for being "a waste of time." This is patently not so. Ig Nobel Prizes are given to HONOR achievements that "cannot or should not be reproduced. The Ig Nobel Committee considers many of the prizewinning projects to be both whimsical and wonderful. Most winners, including Georget, Parker and Smith, graciously accept the honor in the same spirit. Shame, shame on the Daily Star for disparaging the worth of flaky research. ECONOMICS Nick Leeson is apparently trading on the recognition brought him by the Ig Nobel Prize. Leeson's trading activites at Barings Bank won him a ahare of this year's economics prize (which he shared with former treasurer Robert Citron of Orange County, California). According to press reports, the scholarly publishing house Little Brown will pay Lesson approximately 450,000 pounds to write a book detailing his exploits. MEDICINE We received a micro-duluge (one letter) of angry mail from admirers of this year's Ig Nobel Medicine Prizewinners. Marcia E. Buebel, David S. Shannahoff-Khalsa, and Michael R. Boyle garnered an Ig for their invigorating study entitled "The Effects of Unilateral Forced Nostril Breathing on Cognition" [published in "International Journal of Neuroscience," vol. 57, 1991, pp. 239- 249.] Here is the letter, which we received in mid-October: Dear Idiot: Thank you so much for slandering an outstanding researcher (Beubel and Shannahoff-Khalsa) ["forced unilateral nostril breathing" paper]. So what if a cardiology group at UCLA replicated their research. So what if our group used their methodology and found it applicable to over 17 different physiological parameters. So what if our cardiology group found that their parameter was highly prognostic of coronary artery disease (as done by nuclear medicine testing and power spectral analysis of heart rate variability. After all, what's a few million lives ? So what if not taking the factor they found into consideration INVALIDATES hundreds of prior papers in the cognition literature as well. The moron who picked their paper for the IGnoble Prize deserves to have the kind of stuff that Beubel's paper may have prevented (myocardial infarction, glaucoma, hypertension). You turn my stomach. Dr. Josh Backon The Hebrew University of Jerusalem In case you missed seeing a list of the winners, you can obtain it by sending email to INFO@IMPROB.COM A full account of the ceremony, with photographs, will appear in the Jan/Feb issue of AIR. ------------------------------------------------- 1995-11-05 Announcing: "Biggest Blowhard" Survey As the journal of record for inflated research and personalities, AIR is proud to announce a new survey to identify the biggest blowhards in science, medicine and other fields. The biggest blowhard in your field is "that person who, by his or her own definition, has no peers." This is a statistically unsound (i.e., typical) public opinion survey. Therefore, the results will be released to the news media. We will publish a summary in a future issue of mini-AIR, and a full account of the survey findings in a future issue of AIR itself. [Yes, this is a cheap ploy to get you to subscribe to AIR.] The winning blowhards will be invited to attend next year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony at Harvard, and to do so at their own expense. All survey responses will be kept confidential. Please fill out the form below and email it to bourbaki@neu.edu or mail it to AIR, PO Box 380853, Cambridge MA 02238 USA 1. What is your professional field?_____________________________ 2. Who is the biggest blowhard in your field?________________________ 3. With what institution (if any) is this person affiliated?___________________________________________ 4.In what city dwelleth yon blowhard?_________________________________ ------------------------------------------------ 1995-11-06 Nobel Laureate Hoffmann's Views on Junk Mail [This is part of an interview that Marc Abrahams conducted with Nobel Laureate (chemistry, 1981) Roald Hoffmann of Cornell University. The full interview appears in the Nov/Dc issues (vol. 1, no. 6) of The Annals of Improbable Research.] HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH JUNK MAIL? Junk mail is the mail that gives me the greatest pleasure in the world, because I know immediately what to do with it. YOU NEVER READ A SINGLE PIECE OF IT? Oh, I read some of it. WHICH DO YOU READ AND WHICH DON'T YOU? Well, if they talk about sex after fifty I look at it. IÕm also hoping always that someone is going to give me money for my research. Sometimes that gets hidden in the junk mail envelopes, you know. THEN YOU DON'T MAKE ANY EFFORT TO PREVENT JUNK MAIL FROM COMING IN? No, no. I love it. I told you, itÕs the greatest psychological pleasure to throw it away. -------------------------------------------------- 1995-11-07 Call for Papers: Psychiatric Disorder Plagues Every few years (some would say every few minutes), a new psychological disorder is invented, named and described. Many of these disorders then spread in epidemic fashion. In recent years, the world has seen notable epidemics of Attention Deficit Disorder, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome and Pre-Menstral Syndrome. We are seeking well-researched reports detailing the spread of one, several or (if you are ambitious) all of the most popular epidemic psychological disorders that have afflicted mankind since the days of Sigmund Freud. Please use this handy disroder summary list in constructing your data set: 1. Name of the disorder:___ 2. Year that the disorder was officially named:___ 3. Peak years of the plague:___ 4. Geographical spread of the plague:___ 5. Titles of best-selling how-to books describing the plague for the general public (please include complete bibliographic information, including retail price):___ ----------------------------------------------------------- 1995-11-07 AIRhead Science Limericks Our compendium of new (at least we hope that they are new) science limericks continues to accrete. Here are this month's haphazardly selected offerings of limerickian efforts and commentary. Inspired, perhaps, by the Unabomber, reader Chris Marks composed three original scientific limericks with the common theme of "Explosions of Various Sizes". They appear, for easy reference, in order ofincreasing magnitude of destruction: A cautious young chemist named Mound Was surprised (but not hurt) when he found That A mixed with B In the presence of C Made a hole (ringed with dirt) in the ground. [note; in this limerick, (r) represents the "registered" symbol] A scientist working at Sandia(r) Found a way to make larger bombs handier. The result of a test In the desert Southwest Turned the land close at hand even sandier. Great minds have been known to recite, Or in papers they publish, to write That before time began There occurred a Big Bang -- But the theory has never been quite completed. Reader J.S. Notten writes: "Please could you refrain from the 'sexist presentation 'Da-da' for rhythmic measure? Dum (but not dumb) would be the appropriate choice of phoneme for non-politically-incorrect-speech (NPIS). NPIS is to be applied in conjunction with the rhythm method where possible. Deliberate misuse of the sex-determinant phrase "Da-da" leads to a harder life, and sleepless nights for scientists with young children." Reader Don Homuth, who claims that he is not the David Hormuth to whom a limerick was attributed last month, but who wishes the theoretical David Hormuth well, offers the following: I really hold no one to blame For the fact of mispellling my name. I submitted my rhyme With the hope that, in time, My name would turn flame into fame. Dr. Robert Stein sent us an essay about his adventures with pharmaceutical sales representatives. After lamenting that the drug companies no longer offer him free vacations to Hawaii, he concluded with this heart-rending flourish: The rep from the drug company Offers gifts that are no use to me. Of that junk do me spare! Give me one year of AIR! Till you do, go away! Let me be! ------------------------------------------------------------- 1995-11-08 AIRhead Project 2000 As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number two thousand. The following items were randomly selected: ITEM #8105 (submitted by investigator Don Fearn) "CCR-2000," snow thrower manufactured by Toro. ITEM #8108 (submitted by investigator John Gibbs) "Web-2000," home page on the World Wide Web. It can be found at http://www.web2000.com/ COLLECTION #40119 (submitted by investigator Martin Guth) "2000," compact disk (Higher Octave Music HOMCD 7046) by Cusco "SWITCHED ON BACH 2000," compact disk (Telarc CD-80323) by Wendy Carlos, who was at one time known as Walter Carlos. ITEM 604904-B (submitted by investigator Claire F. Stephens) "KC in 2000," an active, party-hosting bid (whatever that means) to hold the World Science Fiction Convention in Kansas City. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1995-11-09 May We Recommend... Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to the many which appear in AIR itself.) "The foot in ballet dancers: the importance of second toe length," by D.J. Ogilvie-Harris, M.M. Carr, and P.J. Fleming, "Foot & Ankle International," vol. 16, no. 3, Mar 1995, pp. 144-7. The abstract reads in part: "Fifty-nine ballet dancers were examined for second toe length with respect to great toe, calluses, and metatarsophalangeal inflammation.... We conclude that there is no significantly more ideal pattern of toe lengths for male ballet dancers, but females with shorter second toes have fewer calluses and less daily foot pain. Those with a longer second toe had a higher incidence of hallux rigidus and correspondingly increased pain scores." (Thanks to investigator Belinda Goodenough for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-11-10 AIRhead Events [The most current version of this list can always be obtained by sending e-mail to INFO@IMPROB.COM] IG NOBEL ON SCIENCE FRIDAY Thurs afternoon, Nov 24 National Public Radio's "Talk of the Nation / Science Friday" program will broadcast a recording of the 1995 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony. Consult your local NPR station for exact time. MIT ALUMNI CLUB, Albany New York Thurs evening, Dec 14 INFO: Wendy Gilman: 518-443-5168 or 518-270-1882 GILMANW@CA.SUNYCENTRAL.EDU AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, Baltimore Sun, Feb 11, 1996 Several of AIR's most distinguished authors will present their research on "The Taxonomy of Barney," "Analysis of DNA Cologne," "Risk Assessment of Abduction by Aliens," "Studmuffins of Science," and other topics at a special evening session. FOLIO CONFERENCE, Los Angeles April 23-6, 1996 "Camshafts, Cindy Crawford and Beer: How to Make a Dull Topic Interesting." [Anyone if the LA area who would like to sponsor other AIRhead events during the same week please email marca@wilson.harvard.edu.] If you would like to host an improbable research seminar / slide show please get in touch with us. From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on ABC Television's "World News Now" and International Public Radio's "LIVING ON EARTH." --------------------------------------------------------------- 1995-11-11 WHAT IS AIR? (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) is a splendidly subversive science humor magazine produced by the founders and entire former editorial staff (1955-1994) of "The Journal of Irreproducible Results" and by other research scientists and other AIRheads from around the world. AIR's co-founders are Marc Abrahams, who edited the Journal from 1990-1994, and Alexander Kohn, who co-founded the Journal in 1955 and was its editor until 1989. The editorial board consists of more than 40 distinguished scientists from around the world, including eight Nobel Laureates and a convicted felon. Each October, AIR produces the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, honoring people whose achievements "cannot or should not be reproduced." [IMPORTANT -- AIR is IN NO WAY associated with the name "The Journal of Irreproducible Results" or with the entity which now owns that name.] -------------------------------------- 1995-11-12 How to Subscribe to AIR(*) Amaze your colleagues. Delight your friends. Impress yourself. Subscribe to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)! Put more AIR in the lab, the classroom, the office, the waiting room, the library, the living room, the restroom, ...the detention center. And it makes a lovely gift of the most unexpected kind. 6 issues per year. Highly enriched, yet contains no cholesterol. ============================================== Rates (in US dollars) USA 1 year - $19.95 2 years - $34.95 Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45 Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70 [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the US, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover cards) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927 air@improb.com --------------------------- 1995-11-13 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*) mini-AIR is an monthly electronic newsletter of overflow tidbits from The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It is available over the Internet, free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E- mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) --------------------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated 950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706 ::::: AIR extracts on USENET The USENET newsgroup clari.feature.imprb_research presents a syndicated weekly column of reports extracted from The Annals of Improbable Research. [NOTE: This is available only if your Internet site subscribes to the Clarinet newsgroups.] --------------------------- 1995-11-14 Our Address The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com URL: http://www.improb.com/ We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it. IF you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a SASE in all printed correspondence. --------------------------- 1995-11-15 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1995, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@leland.stanford.edu) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITORS: Mark Dionne, Jane Patrick CO-CONSPIRATORS: Michael Rissinger, Steve Anderson, Gary Dryfoos, Greg Kinney, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel, Mark Taylor MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow & William Lipscomb ============================================================