PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1995-13 Year-End Extra mini-Issue, 1995 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1995-13-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1995-13-01 Table of Contents 1995-13-02 A Little About This mini-Issue of mini-AIR 1995-13-03 More about Swimsuits 1995-13-04 More about Re-engineering 1995-13-05 AIRhead Project 2000 1995-13-06 AIRhead Project 3000 1995-13-07 May We Recommend... 1995-13-08 Announcing the 1995 Ig Nobel Video 1995-13-09 AIRhead Events 1995-13-10 How to Subscribe to AIR(*) 1995-13-11 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*) 1995-13-12 Our Address (*) 1995-13-13 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-13-02 A Little About This mini-Issue of mini-AIR We promised to send out a special announcement when the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony video is ready. The main reason for sending this special mini issue of mini-AIR is to make good on that sacred vow. That video has grown ripe and flavorful, and can now be revealed to the eyes of a suspecting public. Details are given in section 1995-13-08 below. If you care not for news of the Ig video, just read the next few sections (which are more standard AIR fare) and then cast this issue to the electronic winds. --the management, such as it is. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1995-13-03 More about Swimsuits Several readers have gingerly asked whether their physical characteristics might render them suitable for inclusion in AIR's special Swimsuit Issue. Our answer is: if you possess it, flaunt it, whatever it is. Please mail sutiable or unsuitable photos of yourself suited or unsuited (black & white photos preferred, but we don't insist) to the usual address. If you need the photo back, you'd better include a stamped self-addressed envelope. No, not everyone will be chosen, but we urge you to try this, for your children's sake. [A special note: Anyone whose photograph has appeared in the Studmuffins of Science calendar is ineligible for the AIR Swimsuit Issue, for obvious reasons.] ----------------------------------------------------------- 1995-13-04 More about Re-engineering Several consultants have telephoned us (none of them used e-mail, because they wanted to make "personal contact") regarding AIR's special Re-Engineering Issue. Each offered his or her professional services, for a price, to help plan the issue. Several consultants offered a second set of services should we desire their expert assistance in designing the issue. Three of the consultants offered a further level of service: arranging, conducting and evaluating a six-month series of focus groups to determine whether something or other. We gathered the names and telephone numbers of all the consultants who phoned us, and then recommended them to each other as potential customers who are in need of re-engineering. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1995-13-05 AIRhead Project 2000 As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number two thousand. The following items were randomly selected: ITEM #666-V (submitted by investigator Barry Bogin) "OPERATION VAMPIRE KILLER 2000," a manual that aims to convince law enforcement officials of a one-world government conspiracy ITEM #667-C (submitted by investigator David S. Chesler) "CHOICE 2000 ONLINE SCHOOL," which is based in Riverside, California. ITEM #667-MF (submitted by investigator Barrett Slenning) "METAL FINISHING 2000," a project team from the Environmental Protection Agency's Metal Finishing Sector. ITEM #694 (submitted by investigator Roger H. Goun) "DAYCO USA 7282 SUPER-FLEX (R) 2000 PLUS ACTIVE VAPOR RECOVERY GASOLINE HOSE ASSEMBLY." ITEM #695-B (submitted by investigator Bob Klepfer) "BRUNSWICK 2000," Brunswick's electronic scoring system for bowling. (Investigator Klepfer comments that the system looks as though it was named 30 years too late for its technology.) ------------------------------------------------------------- 1995-13-06 AIRhead Project 3000 Inspired by AIRhead Project 2000, several readers (led by vociferously by Limerickian J. Pasachoff of Williams College) demanded that we start up the much-anticipated AIRhead Project 3000. The project ahs been on the drawing boards since 1948. Its time has come. Therefore, we are compiling a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number three thousand. The following items were quasi-randomly selected: ITEM #406 "JERUSALEM 3000," A 17-month festival of art, music and archaeological exhibitions commemorating "the 3,000th anniversary of the city's original conquest by the ancient Israelites." "ITEM #423 JERUSALEM 3000," a book that is advertised as being "The OFFICIAL Jerusalem 3000 Children's Book" and that is available at Barnes and Noble, ISBN 0-943706-59-9. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1995-13-07 May We Recommend... Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to the many which appear in AIR itself.) "The Dielectric Spectra of Heated Potatoes." F.X. Hart and B. Bodakian, "Journal of Materials Science Letters," vol. 14, 1995, pp. 1214-1217. The authors report activation energies for conductance change upon heating potatoes in a microwave oven. They observe a surprising difference in dielectric spectra between potatoes heated to 95 degrees C and to 105 degrees C, and speculate that this might have something to do with the fact that the boiling point of water falls between these two temperatures. (Thanks to investigator Dave Whitman for bringing this to our attention.) "Regional Shellfish Production and Training, 1985 Annual Report," G.A. Heslinga, T.C. Watson and T. Isamu, Koror, Republic of Palau, 1985. (Thanks to investigator Jo Bohanan for bringing this to our attention.) "Dry sex in Zimbabwe and implications for condom use," D.Civic and D.Wilson, "Social Science and Medicine," vol. 42, no. 1, 1996. (Thanks to investigator Leigh Tooth for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-13-08 Announcing the 1995 Ig Nobel Video The video exists. It is one hour long. It documents the entire proceedings of the Fifth First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, which was held at Harvard University on October 6, 1995. Here are answers to some of the most common and uncommon questions we have been asked. 1. Yes, the Interpretive Dance of the Nucleotides (starring the Nicola Hawkins Dancers and Nobel Laureates Richard Roberts, Joseph Murray, William Lipscomb, Dudley Herschbach and Sheldon Glashow) is included, and yes, it IS indeed presented using a novel form of reverse time-lapse photography. 2. Yes, scientist/supermodel Symmetra is in full view, performing two songs in tribute to DNA. 3. Yes, the famous kids' tribute to DNA is included, as are tributes to DNA cologne by Professor Jon Marks of Yale and Nobel Laureate James Watson. 4. Yes, acceptance speeches by five of this year's Ig Nobel Prizewinners are included. 5. No, the video is not technically perfect. It is better than that. It is interesting. It is bold. It is intellectually stimulating. It may even be erotic (in two places). Our engineering/video task force has taken what would otherwise have been daunting technical limitations and used them to created new and daring videodrama structures. 6. Yes, the video does include the complete performance, by the five Nobel Laureates, of the new Stanley Eigen epic poem "DNA and Green Eggs and Ham -- a Dr. Seuss pass-the-hat recital." 7. Yes, if you listen closely in the middle you can hear one of the eight-year-old members of the Junior Scientists Delegation protest as her teacher tries to take the delegation home at their bedtime: "But I don't WANT to go!" 8. Yes, all five of the 1995 Heisenberg Certainty Lectures (by Richard Roberts, Dudley Herschbach, Bijan Fragrances President Sally Yeh, Harvard astronomer Robert Kirshner, and Car Talk's Tom and Ray Magliozzi) are included. So, too, is a glimpse at 1994 Ig Nobel Laureate Robert Lopez (he who once placed cat ear mites into his own ear) as he delivers the keynote address. 9. Yes, you can see almost all of the Official Audience Delegations and many fleeting and cogent visions of the rabidly packed, overstimulated, fervently paper-airplane wielding audience. 10. Perhaps best of all (from a literary point of view): you can see the complete and uncut delivery of the traditional Ig Nobel "Welcome, Welcome" and "Goodbye, Goodbye" speeches. PRICE: $19.95 plus shipping/handling ($5 in the US, $10 for all other countries). If you are ordering from a Massachusetts address, please add 5% sales tax. Allow 2-8 weeks for shipping, as we (a) are inefficent and (b) ship via surface mail. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-13-09 AIRhead Events [The most current version of this list can always be obtained by sending e-mail to INFO@IMPROB.COM] If you would like to host an improbable research event, show please send e-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu. MIT ALUMNI CLUB, Schenectady New York TO BE RESCHEDULED A weather-control experiment by one of our colleagues at General Electric apparently induced a massive snowstorm last week, forcing postponement of the AIR event that was originally scheduled for December 14. We'll all try it again in the late spring. AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, Baltimore Sun, Feb 11, 1996 Several of AIR's most distinguished authors will present their research on: "The Taxonomy of Barney;" "Analysis of DNA Cologne;" "Studmuffins of Science;" "Risk Assessment of Abduction by Aliens;" and other topics, at a special evening session of the world's largest science meeting. FOLIO CONFERENCE, Los Angeles April 23-6, 1996 "Camshafts, Cindy Crawford and Beer: How to Make a Dull Topic Interesting." The session is open only to conference registerees. [Anyone in the LA area who would like to host other AIRhead events during the same week please e-mail marca@wilson.harvard.edu.] From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on ABC Television's "World News Now" and Public Radio's "LIVING ON EARTH." -------------------------------------- 1995-13-10 How to Subscribe to AIR(*) Amaze your colleagues. Delight your friends. Impress yourself. Subscribe to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)! "AIR is one of the finest contributions to western civilization.... AIR exposes the soft underbelly of science -- and gives it a damn good tickling.... You can't afford to be left out." -"Wired" magazine ============================================== Rates (in US dollars) USA 1 year - $19.95 2 years - $34.95 Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45 Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70 [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the US, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover cards) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927 air@improb.com --------------------------- 1995-13-11 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*) mini-AIR is an monthly electronic newsletter of overflow tidbits from The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It is available over the Internet, free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E- mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) --------------------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated 950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706 ::::: AIR extracts on USENET The USENET newsgroup clari.feature.imprb_research presents a syndicated weekly column of reports extracted from The Annals of Improbable Research. [NOTE: This is available only if your Internet site subscribes to the Clarinet newsgroups.] [ANOTHER NOTE: If you would like to have the print version of the column appear in your campus newspaper, please e-mail marca@wilson.harvard.edu] --------------------------- 1995-13-12 Our Address The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com URL: http://www.improb.com/ We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it. IF you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a SASE in all printed correspondence. --------------------------- 1995-13-13 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1995, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http:/www.improb.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITORS: Mark Dionne, Jane Patrick CO-CONSPIRATORS: Michael Rissinger, Steve Anderson, Gary Dryfoos, Greg Kinney, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel, Mark Taylor MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow & William Lipscomb ============================================================