PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1996-05 May, 1996 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1996-05-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1996-05-01 Table of Contents 1996-05-02 mini-Housekeeping Items 1996-05-03 More Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:3 1996-05-04 Levels of Non-Meaning: The Recursive Hoax 1996-05-05 Blob Tourism 1996-05-06 Creationists vs Creators -- The Coming Battle 1996-05-07 Genuine Genuinely Odd Units Project 1996-05-08 More about the Mom and the Mastodon (and the babe) 1996-05-09 Timely Life of Leisure, and Blind Spots 1996-05-10 Defective Quark Details 1996-05-11 Hot AIR About Hot Air 1996-05-12 AIRhead Project 2000 1996-05-13 AIRhead Project 2000 -- Special Internet Supplement 1996-05-14 The Bug of 1900 (Update) 1996-05-15 May We Recommend... 1996-05-16 AIRhead Events 1996-05-17 How to Subscribe to AIR(*) 1996-05-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*) 1996-05-19 Our Address (*) 1996-05-20 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1996-05-02 mini-Housekeeping Items 1. IG NOBEL: It's time to send in nominations for the 1996 Ig Nobel Prizes. All nomination info will be treated with strictest confidence. 2. ANSWERS to two questions that we are asked incessantly: a. How to submit an article for publication in AIR: i. Write the article (or take the photo). ii. Mail it in, accompanied by an adequately stamped, self-addressed envelope. b. This here is mini-AIR. But our best material -- heaps of it -- is published in AIR, the print journal. So talk someone into getting you a subscription. 3. COMPUTER IMPROBABILY: The new computer humor column written by our esteemed(?) editor is now available (in brief form) at http://www.datamation.com The full version is in "Datamation" magazine. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-03 More Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:3 AIR is a subversively educational print journal. The articles in AIR are longer, more visual, and more xeroxible than the tiny tidbits we publish in mini-AIR. Here is a further list of items from AIR vol. 2, no. 3, the May/June 1996 issue (the special Symmetra issue): "Wine-Sharing in Church Services: A Public Health Nightmare," by Anthony Greco. The author demonstrates the unpublicized health hazards that arise when churchgoers all drink from the same chalice. The effect persists whether or not the cup rim is wiped between sips. "Diminishing Returns to Economic Education," by W.D. Walls. The author examines economics student performance at the University of Hong Kong. He finds an unexpected correlation: the more years of economic education, the lower a student's performance on tests. Nobel Laureate Sheldon Glashow's views concerning a banana. Harold Dowd (with a "w," not a "u")'s appreciative profile of Mars Seer Richard Hoagland, the man who discovered buildings, faces and other valuables on the moon and on Mars. A special, now-infamous "Puzzler Solution." The "Spot The Typos' Contest. "Claudia Schiffer Discovers." Alice Kaswell's column explores the latest in supermodel/celebrity research, this time from the pages of the research journal "Glamour." This and other deliciously indigestible reports will appear in their full glory in issue 2:3 of AIR, a publication to which all the best people, and many of the worst, subscribe. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-04 Levels of Non-Meaning: The Recursive Hoax What, indeed, is reality? Fed up with the persistence of pseudo- scientific pseudo-scholarly claptrap and gibberish, Alan Sokal submitted a load of intentionally utter nonsense to a "prestigious" "cultural studies" journal. 'Tis a wonderful piece of writing, indistinguishable from (and no less coherent than) the articles it mocks. The journal, "Social Text," published this wonderfully moronic prose in its May '96 issue. Sokal, a New York University physicist, then wrote up the whole fiasco; he published his expose in the magazine "Lingua Franca." All this has been detailed in the general press. But it may not be the whole story. We obtained a copy of "Social Text" and commissioned a panel of scholars (one of whom is a convicted felon) to read and deconstruct the text. The panel concluded -- unanimously -- that the other articles in "Social Text" are devoid of meaning and probably are themselves hoaxes. Thus Professor Sokal, thinking that he was cleverly showing up some rotten eggheads, was instead being suckered by a band of jokers more clever than himself. So bravo, bravo, bravo to the deadpan merry old pranksters who call themselves "cultural studies scholars." Their many deadpan statements to the press in recent days are further triumphs in the grand dada style. [TECHNICAL AFTERNOTE: For the sake of completeness, we now plan to pulverize our copy of "Social Text," and flush the particles into a particle accelerator. Our expectation is that this Deridaist- Joycean-Gell-Mannian particle collision process will synthesize a new word: "krock," which is derived from "krauq, which is a backwards spelling of the word "quark."] ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-05 Blob Tourism Where is the new "in" place for science tourists to go? The North Atlantic Ocean, of course -- to visit The Blobs. The Blobs are giant patches of warm or cold water that lazily drift throughout the North Atlantic. With a lifetime of 3-10 years, each blob sticks around long enough to gain its own identity -- and its own group of admiring tourists. The Blobs were identified by Donald Hansen of the University of Miami and Hugo Bezdek of the National Ocianic and Atmospheric Administration in Miami. (For details, see their report in the April 15 issue of "Journal of Geophysical Research.") If you want to visit the Blobs, we recommend that you go now, before commercial tourism spoils their natural simplicity and charm. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-06 Creationists vs Creators -- The Coming Battle Get set for a lively -- nay, spirited -- battle between the Creation Scientists (those who believe that the universe was created exactly as described in the Bible, and who prefer to begin the words "Creation" and "Science" with capital letters) and the creator scientists (researchers who have generated life-like entities in laboratories). Several groups have created self-replicating molecules (little bitty thingies that sometimes make copies of themselves). Some people choose to call these things "sort-of forms of life" or "precursers to life." New preparation techniques are popping up all over. A new technique (see the May 2 issue of "Nature" for details) devised by James Ferris and his team at Rensselaer, is the first to make such thingies grow on moist surfaces rather than inside pungent soups. Some Creation Scientists are upset at Ferris and his ilk. Look for the Creationists to file a preemptory patent battle -- soon -- with suits being filed on behalf of an unnamed Creator named "G. Doe." On both sides, lawyers and scientists (or Scientists) are gearing up, hunkering down, and xeroxing apace. All of them are waiting, waiting, waiting for G. Doe. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-07 Genuine Genuinely Odd Units Project Data is trickling in for our list of odd but genuine units of measurement. Here is a random sampling. (We will publish a more complete list in the Sept/Oct issue of AIR). THE DUDLEY, a unit of height used by Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute scientists to measure hydrothermal vents (also known as "black smokers") that are found on the ocean floor. The unit refers to the height of Dudley Foster, the 5' 8" pilot of the underseas vehicle Alvin. (Submitted by investigator Maggir Rioux) THE JOHNNY WALKER INCH, a unit of volume adopted by Malasian freelance tin dredgers, who were paid by the amount of tin concentrate they recovered. A Johnny Walker inch is the volume of material that would fill an empty Johnny Wlaker whicky bottle to a height of one inch.(Submitted by investigator Robin Hall) THE MICROFORTNIGHT, a unit of time used in the documentation to Digital Equipment Corporation's Open VMS operatin system. (Submitted by investigators Paul Tomblin, Stan Gifford, Reece Pollack and Roland Seidl) THE SMOOT, a unit of length, defined to be the height of Oliver Smoot Junior, used to measure the length of the Massachusetts Avenue Bridge between Boston and Cambridge. The complete measurement of the bridge also makes use of a related unit, THE EAR. (Submitted by several dozen investigators) THE STOUEVILLE, a unit of hotness used in classifying hot peppers. Halipeno peppers are generally THE GARN, a volumetric unit named after US Senator Jake Garn, who flew on a space shuttle mission and spent much of that time vomiting. (Submitted by investigator Paul Kolodner and several others) If you have know of a genuine genuinely odd unit of measurement -- AND CAN DOCUMENT IT -- please mail or fax the documentation to: Genuine Genuinely Odd Units Project Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853 Cambridge MA 02228 USA FAX:617-661-0927 (If you would like acknowledgment that we received the documentation, please include your e-mail address.) ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-08 More about the Mom and the Mastodon (and the babe) Concerning the endless saga of the mastodon, the paleo-mom and the baby, new information (much of it conflicting) continues to pile up: The pachyderm let out a hoot, Caught the babe at the end of its snoot, Then gave back the infant That very same instant And vanished by some obscure route. --Paul Koch One reader showed a taste for melodrama: It sailed right over yon beast, And landed on leaves to the east, With relief Mom did gasp, 'Til she noticed the asp Preparing itself for a feast! --J. Y. (Yosh) Mantinband ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-09 Timely Life of Leisure, and Blind Spots Two, count em two, important developments are described in the May 21 issue of "The New York Times." Here are summaries, and some implications. 1. Couch Potatoes may outlive us all. That's the conclusion one can draw from an article (by Denise Grady) about McGill biologist Siegfried Hekimi. Hekimi bred namatodes (a popular form of little worms) that have lifepans five times as long as normal nematodes. "These animals are as close to immortality as worms can get," Hekimi is quoted as saying. However, the worms are exceedingly lethargic and dull -- in Hekimi's words, "they just lie there." These worms have a special set of genes that are being described as the keys to longevity. However, the genes may by just part of the story. An alternative conclusion is that if a creature is lucky enough to have these genes, then it can attain long life by meticulously acting like a couch potato. If a combination of genes AND relaxation is the key, then these may be cunningly lazy worms. 2. A new psychomedical business opportunity awaits. Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) is a technique that uses fluctuating magnetic fields to try to map the brain. According to Sandra Blakeslee's report, some researchers say that the device also produces mood changes. If it can be refined, TMS is likely to become a tool for many professional mood managers -- among them psychiatrists, aromatherapists, and even poets. (This is also an opportunity for the electronics industry to gain ascendency over the pharmaceuticals giants.) However, at present it is difficult to position the apparatus precisely (it generally goes over the left or right eyebrow), and it is said to occasionally induce brain seizures in healthy people. Call this the price of happiness. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-10 Defective Quark Details Last month, we reported that defective quarks had been distributed in Switzerland. Now investigator Wolf Roden reports: On the subject of DEFECTIVE QUARKS -- these are surely neither Joycean nor Gell-Mannian, but genuine Swiss quarks. "Quark" in German (and I must assume this is German-speaking Switzerland) literally refers to milk curds or cottage cheese. However, it is not credible the Swiss (of all people) could distribute defective Swiss or any other kind of cheese. Investigator Jeffrey T. Cheney takes a more profitable approach: I believe the defective Quarks, which are properly identified as Gill-Ebrahimian, can be traced to a Denver, Colorado based software company, which specializes in Desktop Publishing. Updates may be obtained by calling their Customer Service dept. at 800-788-7835 or by visiting their website, . ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-11 Hot AIR About Hot Air Here's what's new in Hot AIR, our humble home page: => Most of the AIR cafeteria reviews are now posted (in trimmed- down versions). We will soon be adding links to the actual cafeteria sites. => Excerpts from various other AIR articles -- including the premiere "Ask Symmetra" column. The now-famous AIR 2:3 cover photo of Symmetra in her lab is also available. => An ever-expanding archive of Ig Nobel Prize info and photos. And coming this summer: video snippets from Ig Nobel ceremonies past. => Other things, which defy description. Hot AIR is at http://www.improb.com ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-12 AIRhead Project 2000 As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling a list everything that has two thousand as part of its name. The following items were randomly selected: ITEM PPP-SMALL-ANIMAL-0401 (submitted by investigator Jesse Chang) "2000 PRESS PAK PREMIUM COMPRESSED SMALL ANIMAL BEDDING," manufactured by Nature's Gold and sold in Woolworth's. ITEM HOOEY8446-A (submitted by investigator Jeff Friedman) "DIAGNOSTIC 2000," a brochure ofered by the accounting firm of Coopers and Lybrand to describe a "methodology to work with companies in evaluating the impact of Year 2000 on information systems." ITEM HOOEY8446-B (submitted by investigator Jeff Friedman) "TRANSITION 2000," a 3-stage approach described in the Coopers and Lybrand's brouchure "Diagnostic 2000." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-13 AIRhead Project 2000 -- Special Internet Supplement Investigator Jordan Brown recently received the following e-mail message. The original sender shall remain nameless: "Our local ISP has changed its name, so ... and I will be changing our Email addresses. (Actually, the change has already taken place, but the old domain name is good until June 23, I think." Old Names: ...@globalone.net, ...@globalone.net New names: ...@global2000.net, ...@global2000.net ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-14 The Bug of 1900 (Update) The Investigator David Brownridge sends this update on the turn- of-the-century numerical difficulty: "An item in the April issue of mini-AIR refers to the fact that a particular version of Lotus-123 erroneously regards the year 1900 as a leap year [as calculated by the @date() and similar functions]. In fact this error is common to ALL versions of 123, and also Lotus Symphony. The bug was present in the first version of 123, and later versions had to be bug-compatible with worksheets created by earlier versions." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-15 May We Recommend... Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to the many which appear in AIR itself.) "Female gait patterns: the influences of footwear," R.W. Soames and A.A. Evans, Ergonomics, vol. 30, 1987, pp. 893-900. (Thanks to investigator Karen Blair for bringing this to our attention.) "Theoretical analysis of aggressive golf putts," J.F. Mahoney, "Res. Q. Exercise Sport," vol. 53, 1983, pp. 165-72. (Thanks to investigator Boland Hith for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1996-05-16 AIRhead Events ==> PLEASE NOTE: To check for andy late updates to this schedule send e-mail to our automatic-reply address: info@improb.com If you would like to host an improbable research event, please send e-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu MIT CLUB, Colonie, NY Mon June 17, 6:00 pm Dinner and seminar/slide show on "improbable research and the Ig Nobel Prizes." Joint meeting of the MIT Alumni Club and the Northern Area Skeptics Club. All comers welcome. PLEASE MAKE RESERVATIONS! Info: Wendy Gilman (gilmanw@sysadm.suny.edu) (518) 443-5180 TEACHERS WORKSHOP TO EXPLORE INNOVATION Sat, Jun 22, 4:00 At Governor Dummer Academy in Massachusetts. Sponsored by the H. Dudley Wright Foundation, Tufts University and Governor Dummer Academy. INFO: Jamie Larsen TEXAS MEDICAL SCHOOL, Houston Tues, Jul. 9, 1:00 Internal Medicine Dept. Grand Rounds special session. 1996 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY, Harvard University Thurs Oct 3 Tickets for delegations and individuals will go on sale in September. NORTHEAST ASSN FOR INSTITUTIONAL RESEARCH (NAIR) Sun, Nov 17 Princeton, NJ. For info: Brenda Bretz (bretz@dickinson.edu) 717-245-1316 From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on: ABC Television's "World News Now" Public Radio's "Living on Earth." ELSEWHERE ON THE NET: * Our home page ("Hot AIR") is at http:///www.improb.com * AOL subscribers can see selected AIR articles by signing on, then going to keyword "IMPROB" * If your Internet provider subscribes to the Clarinet newsgroups, you can read a weekly column of extracts from AIR: clari.tw.columns.imprb_research -------------------------------------- 1996-05-17 How to Subscribe to AIR(*) Amaze your colleagues. Delight your friends. Impress yourself. Subscribe to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)! "AIR is one of the finest contributions to western civilization.... AIR exposes the soft underbelly of science -- and gives it a damn good tickling.... You can't afford to be left out." -"Wired" magazine ============================================== Rates (in US dollars) USA 1 year - $19.95 2 years - $34.95 Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45 Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70 [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the US, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover cards) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927 air@improb.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*) mini-AIR is an monthly electronic newsletter of overflow tidbits from The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It is available over the Internet, free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated 950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706 ----------------------------------------------------- 1996-05-19 Our Address (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com URL: http://www.improb.com/ We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it. If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a SASE in all printed correspondence. --------------------------- 1996-05-20 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1996, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http:/www.improb.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CHIEF RESEARCH LIBRARIAN: Michael Rissinger CO-CONSPIRATORS: Steve Anderson, Gary Dryfoos, Greg Kinney, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel, Mark Taylor MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow & William Lipscomb ============================================================