PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1996-11 November, 1996 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1996-11-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1996-11-01 Table of Contents 1996-11-02 mini Housekeeping Note 1996-11-03 What's New in AIR 1996-11-04 Cockroach Libretto 1996-11-05 The Anti-Anti-Antipodean Cat Campaign 1996-11-06 Announcing: The Museum of Improbable Research 1996-11-07 Foot Mixup Follow-Up 1996-11-08 Call for Improbable Science Gifts 1996-11-09 EDITORIAL: The Value of Homework 1996-11-10 AIRhead Project 2000 1996-11-11 May We Recommend... 1996-11-12 AIRhead Events 1996-11-13 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1996-11-14 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1996-11-15 Our Address (*) 1996-11-16 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-02 mini Housekeeping Note Don't forget: 1a. You can HEAR a recording of this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony on NPR's "Talk of the Nation/Science Friday" on November 29. 1b. You can SEE it on C-SPAN. The exact date(s) of the C-SPAN broadcast have not been set, so check out their schedule at http://www.c-span.org/schedule/longrang.htm If you didn't have a party to watch the live cheesy Ig MBONE broadcast last month, organize one now! And you can download the Cockroach Opera Lyrics from our web site. 2. If you cannot resist the lure of a worthless free gift, see section 1996-11-08 below. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-03 What's New in AIR Here are some alluring abstracts from the current issue of The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the indispensible, indisposable print journal that's much more interesting than what you're forced to read at work or school. (The electronic document you are reading at this very moment is mini-AIR, the diminutive supplement of things too teeny or tiny or timely to fit in the real magazine.) Volume 2, number 1 (the Nov/Dec 96 issue) of AIR is a special Martian Meteorite Issue "To Catch a Falling Star," by Scott Sandford and Randy Korotev. The authors, at least one of whom was a member of the team that found the notorious Meteorite From Mars, show photographs of their novel method for spotting and catching meteorites that fall on Antarctica. The techniques are borrowed from the sports of fishing and baseball. "Cafeteria Review: The Whitehead Institute," by Stephen Drew. This hard-hitting review reveals the dining secrets of researchers at one of hte world's leading biomedical research institutes. It includes a photo of a hole that a frustrated kitchen worker punched into a wall. "Research Spotlight: The Economics of Washing Your Hair," by Tanika Welp. The author presents a detailed summary of a masterful treatise that appeared eleven years ago in the "Indian Economic Journal." The original report contains lessons for all of us that are as valuable today as they were when the original report was loosed upon an eager world. And much, much more... Full text and illustrations of these and many other articles and citations appear in the Nov/Dec AIR. As always, we liltingly beseech you to subscribe -- and to submit your own research for publication. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-04 Cockroach Libretto As mentioned above, if you were not one of the fortunate (?) 1200 organisms who crawled, or wiggled, or walked, or flew into the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony on Oct. 3 at Harvard's Sanders Theater, take heart and catch the big broadcasts on Science Friday and C-SPAN. The complete libretto of the "Lament Del Cockroach" (the infamous mini-operetta for mezzo-sopranos and Nobel Laureates) is now posted on our web site at http://www.improb.com We suggest that you download the text so you can savor the words while you watch or listen to the C-SPAN and NPR Science Friday versions of the event. A full report on the event, with lots of pictures and juicy scientific gossip, will be published in the Jan/Feb 1997 issue of The Annals of Improbable Research. And yes, videotapes of the event are now available (for $20 plus $5 shipping/handling in the US, $10 s/h elsewhere). ---------------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-05 The Anti-Anti-Antipodean Cat Campaign The following statement has been issued by Kate Eppers, spokesperson for the Committee for Bacterial Rights: "The Committee for Bacterial Rights has been following with interest the campaign of Australian Parliament member Richard Evans to eradicate cats from his native continent. Evans claims that the approximately 18 million felines roaming Australia are doing irreparable harm to other large animals. He points out that cats are not native to Australia, having been introduced by European settlers two centuries ago. The cats have learned to breed like rabbits. "The Committee for Bacterial Rights deplores Mr. Evans's campaign. It is not just anti-cat. More fundamentally, it is anti-bacterial. Cats, especially in their orifices and digestive organs, account for the natural habitats of many bacterial species. While the cats themselves are of debatable importance, to eliminate them would leave untold billions of bacteria without suitable housing stock. Therefore, please save the cats." ---------------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-06 Announcing: The Museum of Improbable Research We are please to announce the founding of The Museum of Improbable Research. Located in a disused greenhouse atop a Harvard University laboratory, the Museum houses what maybe the world's largest collection of (inanimate) improbable research relics. Visits are by appointment only. The staff recommends that you schedule your visit for a cloudy day, as the average temperature inside the facility on sunny days is quite impressive. The Museum currently houses a variety of specimens, including several plastic pink flamingos, a primitive hand-held optical scanner complete with moving plastic eyeball, a Studmuffins of Science Calendar, a crockery frog that sometimes croaks when lifted, a wind-up beetle, a sealed packet of freeze-dried astronaut ice cream, the original Internet Barbie, and two (at last, wistful count) tribbles. If you have historic improbable research items you would like to donate to the Museum, please contact us at or 617-491-4437. Special thanks to Dudley Herschbach for chairing the drive to find a suitable home for the Museum. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-07 Foot Mixup Follow-Up We have but little progress to report regarding the grievous mix- up with the plaster feet of the Nobel Laureates, feet that were lovingly cast by scientist/supermodel Symmetra. The mix-up occurred at the auction held as part of this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony on October 3. We have located two people, each of whom claims to have purchased the plaster cast of the left foot of Nobel Laureate Richard Roberts. One is in actual possession of the foot, and thus has behind him the strength of nine-tenths of the law. The other, arguing with the weight of one tenth of the law, is a law student. So far, discussions between the two parties have been somewhat calm and polite. They have not yet entered the kicking and gouging phase of the negotiation. In response to our initial announcement of the mix-up, reader Al Teich sent in the following suggestion: "The obvious solution would be to cast another. This would seem appropriate, since if Roberts is like most of us, he has probably has two left feet anyway." Ps. We have located the new owner of the left foot of Nobel Laureate Dudley Herschbach, but have been unable to locate the new owners of the left feet of Nobel Laureates Sheldon Glashow and William Lipscomb or the owner of the foot (we're not sure which one) of scientist/supermodel Symmetra. If you own one of these feet, or if you know who does, please get in touch with us so that we can update our Register of Historic Plaster Pedal Extremities. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-08 Call for Improbable Science Gifts With the holiday season (define that as you like) approaching, we at the Annals are gathering a list of recommended improbable gifts for those who love science. We are looking for things, regardless of price range, quality, or anything else, that would truly delight scientists (amateur, professional, honorary, or incipient) who are mammals, who are either male or female, and whose ages fall somewhere in the range 5-115. Think of this as a wish list for things surprisingly wonderful and/or whimsical -- things that actually exist. In other words: gifts that people will be surprised and thrilled to receive. Hand-built scanning probe microscope yes, Star Trek transporter no. "Studmuffins of Science" calendar yes, "Dingell Does Dallas" video no. We will publish a list of selected favorites next month. [If you are the marketing director for a company that produces something that, unbelievably wonderful though it is, would not really be an improbably pleasing science gift item, please do NOT send us your junk mail or your junk.] * * * FREE WORTHLESS GIFT: We have a small pile of deluxe miniature 1996 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony posters, 11.5" x 7", white on black. If you would like one, send us an adequately sized, ADEQUATELY STAMPED envelope and we'll send you a mini-poster. What you do with it after that is your affair. Offer, such as it is, good while supply, such as it is, lasts. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-09 EDITORIAL: The Value of Homework Soon, thanks to the Draft Treaty on Intellectual Property in Respect to Databases, everyone will know the value of homework. Under terms of the treaty, which is now being negotiated in Geneva, data will be recognized as property. People will control whether others will be permitted to see their data, and decide the price for permission to see it. Press accounts always mention two obvious consequences: 1. Telephone companies will be able to prohibit anyone putting phone books on the Internet; and 2. Professional sports leagues will own their scores and other statistics. These are minor matters. More important effect is that students will now own all rights to their homework. They will be able to charge anyone -- anyone -- who wants to see it. Any teacher who tries to look at a student's problem set without the student's permission will be subject to prosecution. Best of all, international law will protect anyone faced with an overly difficult test. The exam answers will remain the sole property of the student; no one else need ever see them. So hurrah for the Draft Treaty on Intellectual Property in Respect to Databases. Students will now see profit in doing their homework, teachers will calculate how much they can afford to assign, and tests will be suited exactly to students' needs and wants. God bless the lawyers and the diplomats, yes indeed. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-10 AIRhead Project 2000 As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling a list of everything that has 2000 as part of its name. ITEM #NOCAFFEINE-96 (submitted by investigator Richard Burnham) "Twintron Electronic Retailer 2000," a very poor coffee machine (according to investigator Burnham). ITEM W-413 (submitted by investigator Kent Walker) "USPA 2000," the strategic plan of the U.S. Parachute Association. ITEM G-9104-a (submitted by investigator Jussi Karlgren) "Bombkvartett 2000," multibarrel bomb launchers manufactured in Sweden. ITEM G-910b (submitted by investigator Jussi Karlgren) "Bombbatteri 2000," multibarrel bomb launchers manufactured in Sweden. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-11 May We Recommend... Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to the many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) "Should Henrietta be punished or rewarded? The effects of name desirability on responsibility attribution and sanction assignment," S.G. Garwood, J.L.Sulzer, D.W. Levine, L.Cox, and V. Kaplan, "Names," vol. 31, 1983, pp. 318-33. (Thanks to John Bell for bringing this to our attention.) "The glorification of parasitism," M.C. Hall, "Scientific Monthly," vol. 33, 1931, pp. 45-52. (Thanks to Wendy Cooper for bringing this and the next citation to our attention.) "Flaccid trunk paralysis in free-ranging elephants (Loxodonta africana) in Zimbabwe," N.D. Kock, S.A. Goedegebuure, E.P. Lane, V. Lucke, D. Tyrell and M.D. Kock, Journal of Wildlife Diseases," vol. 30, no. 3, 1994, pp. 432-5. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1996-11-12 AIRhead Events ==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com Want to host an event? E-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu NORTHEASTERN UNIVERSITY PHYSICS CLUB Thurs Nov 21 Improbable Research seminar and pizza. For info: C-SPAN Date To Be Announced Broadcast of an edited version of the 1996 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony. C-SPAN plan to broadcast it some time after the American Presidential election -- that is, some time after November 5. For exact date & time, call the C-SPAN hotline 202-628-2205 or consult their web site http://c-span.org TALK OF THE NATION/SCIENCE FRIDAY (NPR) Fri, Nov 29 Broadcast of an edited version of the 1996 Ig Ceremony. Check your local NPR station for exact time. The broadcast will also be posted on the SciFri home page. AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, SEATTLE Mon. Feb. 17, '97 American Association for the Advancement Of Science will host and/or tolerate a special evening presentation on "Improbable Research and the Ig Nobel Prizes." UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON mid-February, '97 Exact date/time to be announced. Anyone else in the greater Seattle area who would like to host an improbable research event please email HARVARD SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH GATHERING Fri, Mar. 7, '97 Special presentation, about improbable research and the Ig Nobel Prizes, at the Harvard Faculty Club. ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-13 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improb.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-14 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is overflow from the real magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated 950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706 ----------------------------------------------------- 1996-11-15 Our Address (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/ We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it. If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a SASE in all printed correspondence. From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on ABC Television's "World News Now" and Public Radio's "Living on Earth." ELSEWHERE ON THE NET: * USENET: a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research * AOL: Special extracts are available. Goto keyword "IMPROB" --------------------------- 1996-11-16 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1996, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http://www.improb.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================