PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1996-12 December, 1996 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1996-12-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1996-12-01 Table of Contents 1996-12-02 mini Housekeeping Notes 1996-12-03 What's New in AIR 1996-12-04 More Odd Units 1996-12-05 Foot Mixup Follow-Up 1996-12-06 Some Improbable Science Gifts 1996-12-07 Announcing Project Smartypants 1996-12-08 More Scientists in the Sunset 1996-12-09 AIR Vents 1996-12-10 On/In Swimsuits 1996-12-11 AIRhead Project 2000 1996-12-12 May We Recommend... (Christmas research) 1996-12-13 AIRhead Events 1996-12-14 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1996-12-15 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1996-12-16 Our Address (*) 1996-12-17 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-02 mini Housekeeping Notes 1. This being the holiday season, you can do an enormous amount of useful educational damage by giving a gift subscription to the Annals of Improbable Research. 2. C-SPAN plans to maybe, possibly, perhaps show its recording of the Sixth First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony some time during the final week or so of December. If you enjoy the uncertainty, check out C-SPAN's schedule at http://www.c-span.org/schedule 3. If you would like to help organize an AIR events in either: a. the Seattle area in February; or b. The Ithaca, NY area in April; please get in touch with us ASAP. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-03 What's New in AIR Here are some alluring abstracts from the current issue of The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the indispensible, indisposable print journal that's much more interesting than what you're forced to read at work or school. (The electronic document you are reading at this very moment is mini-AIR, the diminutive supplement of things too teeny or tiny or timely to fit in the real magazine.) Volume 3, number 1 (the Jan/Feb 97 issue) of AIR is a special Ig Nobel Prize Issue, with a full report and lavish photos spreads on the Sixth First Annual Ig ceremony (including the cockroach opera). Other features in the issue include: * "The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less," by Eric Shulman. * "Advances in Maharishi Technology," a bibliography of some of the most outstanding published research papers on this cutting- edge topic (much of it pioneered at Maharishi International University in Iowa). * An interview with Elie Wiesel (Nobel Laureate, Peace, 1986) about professional wrestling. And much, much more... Full text and illustrations of these and many other articles and citations appear in the Jan/Feb AIR. As always, we liltingly beseech you to subscribe -- and to submit your own research for publication. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-04 More Odd Units Data continues to dribble in for our list of odd but genuine units of measurement. Here is a further sample. 1. Investigator Bill Smith of Memorial University of Newfoundland reports on two local units. They are documented in "The Dictionary of Newfoundland English" by Story, Kirwin and Widdowson. GLUTCH -- the amount a person can swallow, typically used in such phrases as "a glutch of rum." DICKSPRADDLE -- the distance a rooster can traverse in one stride. 2. Investigator Jay Nelson reports: When I was a post-Doc at the Max Planck Institute fur Exptl. Medizin in Goettingen, we had an SI unit of screwup named after a former visiting scientist, "the Ultsch". This unit existed in all powers of ten (i.e. dripping radioisotopes on the floor was a "nanoUltsch" whereas burning down the MPI would have been a "gigaUltsch". This unit was used in daily conversation and was used far more frequently than such esoteric units as "meter". ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-05 Foot Mixup Follow-Up We have little further progress to report regarding the grievous mix-up with the plaster feet of the Nobel Laureates, feet that were lovingly cast by scientist/supermodel Symmetra. An air of mystery and tension surrounds this uncomfortable situation in which two individuals each believes himself or herself to be the purchaser (at auction, as part of the recent Ig Nobel Prize ceremony) of the plaster cast of the left foot of Nobel Laureate Richard Roberts. A team of administrative specialists is reviewing the vidotape of the event. Until the final report appears, we are keeping a discreet distance, and encouraging the parties to settle the dispute without using weapons, plaster or otherwise. We will keep you apprised of any further developments as we, all of us, wait for the other foot to fall. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-06 Some Improbable Science Gifts Last month's call for a list of improbable, desirable science gifts has yielded a small bounty of suggestions (and a large morass of unwanted hint, hint, hints from various marketing directors pushing their products on a weary world). Here are a few of the more intriguing, some of which are old, some new. Investigator Linda Sohl: My vote goes to the "Owl Pellet Investigation Kit." I've seen it in a number of catalogs at this point -- Edmund Scientific describes it as follows: " Pellets are compressed balls of teeth, bones, hair and feathers that are not digested but regurgitated by the owls. Easily dissected, for use with or without a microscope." A bargain at $18.95!. It's on *my* list! Investigator Kait Mapson: I suggest that you look at the JimLand Novelties section of 'The Book of Jim' -- a strange and strangely uninsightful collection of bizzare comics (by artist Jim Woodring, published by Fantagraphic Books circa 1991). There you will find for sale a strange device which, when placed over the face, allows each eye to look into the other eye. The comment following the caption goes 'May work, may not. $75,' or similar. I know I would dearly like one. Star Trek investigator Matt Clark: My suggestion for a truly special holiday science gift would be the replica tricorder that someone is manufacturing. It contains a thermometer, spectrophotometer, and a 'hazardous' radiation detector. Sorry, I don't know what sort of radiation, or if it detects it before it is too late. But it does have lots of flashing and whirling lights! My brother's girlfriend would like an EEG. He'd like to know if anyone has circuit diagrams for one. Investigator Barbara Tozier: My (possibly) favoritest Science Gift: a Brain Gelatin Mold, available from Archie McPhee. (Who, by the way, has the coolest catalog going. No, I don't work for them.) It was a tough choice, you know, between the jello mold and the stuffed banana slug, but the slug just doesn't lend itself to investigative surgery easily (i.e. more than once). Investigator Arthur David Snider: While I was visiting Caltech last year, I purchased a Squirting Calculator! Now I see them available at my grocer's. Investigator Kevin Garlick: I was in the store the other day with my son, he's 7yr. and I'm 41 yrs. and we saw, Sea Monkeys ! These creatures start from some dry packages, add water and you have instant life. It's a miracle ! There are some web sites about Sea Monkeys. Here is one, http://users.uniserve.com/~sbarclay/web.htm Investigator Tim Churches: I read the story on the decline of Cracker Jacks in the April 1996 issue of mini-AIR with great interest. We were spared the charms of Cracker Jacks here in Australia, but more recently an excellent product called "Kinder Surprise" has appeared on supermarket shelves. The Kinder Surprise comprises a foil wrapped chocolate egg (notable for its bilayered construction with traditional chocolate on the outside and white chocolate in the inside) encasing a pink plastic capsule. Inside the capsule is an exquisitely engineered toy, usually requiring assembly and often with moving parts. A pictorial instruction sheet is enclosed, as is a warning which points out in an amazing number of languages that the toy is to perfect size to asphyxiate your child. Truly a remarkable achievement, incorporating as it does marketing science, food technology, industrial design, plastic molding technology and an ongoing trial of the skills of emergency room physicians at recovering small plastic parts from the bronchi of small children. Most remarkable of all is the ability of the designers to fit the toys inside the capsule - clearly Dr Who was hired to share some of the principles of the Tardis with the Kinder Surprise manufacturers. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-07 Announcing Project Smartypants Which academic field has the most intelligent people? It is time to settle the question. We hereby announce Project Smartypants. Project Smartypants was inspired by an insistently nameless investigator who sent us this note: Several years ago, the then-director of publications of a major scientific society told me that, in general, physicists are smarter than chemists and chemists are smarter than biologists. It would be interesting to find out if anyone has any data which support or contradict that opinion. It would also be interesting to determine how physicists, chemists, and biologists rank in comparison to academics in other fields of study, not only in intelligence but also in other characteristics, such as height, weight, beardedness (not necessarily males only?), sexiness, personal grooming habits, table manners, tongue-curling ability, and average daily commuting time. Here is the Project Smartypants survey form: 1. Please rank the various academic discipines according to YOUR OPINION of the relative intelligence of its members (smartest at the top, not-so-smartest at the bottom). 2. Please rank those same disciplines according to THEIR OWN OPINIONS of their relative intelligence. 3. What is your own scientific specialty? Please send completed data forms -- OR ANY OTHER PERTINENT DATA -- to ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-08 More Scientists in the Sunset We are awash in reports of scientists riding off into the sunset. Here are some further sightings and scitings: Investigator Ann Stewart: * The movie"The Arrival." Charlie Sheen guy wasn't a physicist per se, but he was some kinda astronomer or astrophysicist or something. He uses the word "radiosonde" without explaining it. That's not really a physics word -- it's an atmospheric science word -- but you have to know physics to do atmospheric science, you know. Although they never make it to bed, much less the sunset, he gets propositioned by a lady atmospheric scientist near the source of (intentional) global warming, which (the source) is warm and glows, kind of like a sunset. Investigator Terry McTigue: * The movie "Jurasic Park." Male paleonotogist shows up with female paleontologist girlfriend, almost loses her to mathematician, almost gets eaten, disemboweled, sprayed with poison, etc., rides off into sunset with female paleontologist girlfriend and a new appreciation for the joys of family. No more late nights alone at the lab for him! * The movie "Independence Day." Engineer saves the president then the entire species, has touching scene on a salt flat with ex-wife as the credits roll. (There should be a special subcatagory for Jeff Goldblum's recent roles. He has been playing eccentric math/science types and seems to get the girl, except when he turns into a giant bug and grosses her out beyond all measure). Investigator Alwin Wiederhold: * The movie "Stargate." The geeky Egyptologist is apparently also a physicist. He not only meets a beautiful woman and falls in love, but he even has to learn her language (similar to an ancient language of Egypt), bring her back to life and leave Earth forever to be with her. * On a more personal note, I recently met a beautiful woman, fell in love and married her. While we were engaged we did go on a horse-riding weekend, but as she was pregnant, she stayed off the horses. It also rained all weekend so there was no sunset to ride off into. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-09 AIR Vents Here are some of this month's random exhalations from readers. Brian R. Speer: I must respond to Wolf Roder's solution to the problem of floating condoms in the Pacific ocean (June mini-AIR, etc.). Roder wants everyone would to punch a small hole into the center end of each condom as soon as they are purchased, thus allowing the air to escape when the condom is discarded, so that it would sink to the bottom of the ocean. Yes, the situation is truly appalling, but I have a more feasible suggestion. The bouyant nature of the condoms should make it a simple matter to skim them from the ocean surface with kelp-harvesters. Like kelp, they could then be used in the manufacture of toothpaste and ice cream. Richard Crepeau: With regard to the editorial in November's Mini-AIR (about the Draft Treaty on Intellectual Property in Respect to Databases), please do not worry. While students may indeed set a price for anyone who wants to peruse their homework assignments, also note that instructors do not have to pay that price. I imagine the market equilibrium for homework will be $0.00 per assignment. --Please don't construe this as a statement that homework is worthless. Meriday Beth Komor: I keep iguanas ("igs," contracted) and when I saw your latest mini-AIR Subject line about Ig Prizes, for a moment my heart lifted as I realized that, at last, you'd come to admire these threatened creatures at least as much as I had... Bruce Caruthers of Oracle Corp.: Regarding investigator Paul Bogrow's sorrow that Oracle Corporation is dissolving its Workgroup/2000 division -- Don't worry. There's still Developer/2000, Discoverer/2000, Open Interfaces/2000, Explorer/2000, and Designer/2000. Unless, of course, they changed the names without telling us. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-10 On/In Swimsuits This is the last call for photographs for AIR's annual Swimsuit Issue. Age, sex, weight, height, width, depth, density, and physical condition are no impediments to your being selected. Please send your photo proudly to: Swimsuit Issue Annals of Improbable Research PO Box 380853 Cambridge MA 02238 USA ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-11 AIRhead Project 2000 Since June, 1994, we have been compiling a list of everything that has 2000 as part of its name. Here are some further selections: ITEM CB005 (submitted by investigator Tim Becker) "TIKI 2000," a Croatian brand of bathroom waterheaters manufactured in Zagreb. ITEM W-490 (submitted by investigator Vance Elderkin) "Whisper 2000," a device that lets you hear a whisper across the room. ITEM #BUFF-7 (submitted by investigator Debi Dalio) "Lifeline Off the Wall Gym 2000," a wall-mounted exercise unit. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-12 May We Recommend... (Christmas research) Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to the many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) "The deadweight loss of Christmas," Joel Waldfogel. The American Economic Review, 1993, vol. 83, no. 5, pp.1328-36. It reads in part: A potentially important micro economic aspect of gift-giving is that gifts may be mismatched with the recipients' preferences. This paper gives estimates of the deadweight loss of holiday gift-giving based on surveys given to Yale undergraduates. Estimates in this paper indicate that between a tenth and a third of the value of holiday gifts is destroyed by gift-giving. To develop a feel for the significance of \ the deadweight loss of Christmas, one may compare it with an estimate of the deadweight loss of taxation. The annual deadweight loss of holiday gift-giving is between a tenth and a third of the annual static welfare losses associated with income taxes. "Analgesis effects of myrrh," Pierro Dolara et al., "Nature," vol. 379, January 4 1996, p. 29. (Thanks to Jay Pasachoff for bringing this to our attention.) "'The Santa Claus Syndrome' Entrapment in Chimneys," Lauren Boglioli and Mark Taff, "Journal of Forensic Sciences," vol. 40, no. 3, May 1995, pp. 499-500. (Thanks to Mark Benecke and Peter Darben for bringing this to our attention.) The abstract reads in part: We report a case of a man who became trapped in a chimney during a burglary attempt and died a delayed death due to postural asphyxia associated with inhalational and burn injuries and anterior compartment syndrome. An alalysis of this unusual case is presented. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1996-12-13 AIRhead Events ==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com Want to host an event? E-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, SEATTLE Mon. Feb. 17, '97 American Association for the Advancement Of Science will host and/or tolerate a special evening presentation on "Improbable Research and the Ig Nobel Prizes." UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON mid-February, '97 Exact date/time to be announced. Anyone else in the greater Seattle area who would like to host an improbable research event please email CORNELL UNIVERSITY April, '97 Exact dates/times to be announced. Anyone else in the area who would like to host an improbable research event please email HARVARD SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH GATHERING Fri, Mar. 7, '97 Special presentation, about improbable research and the Ig Nobel Prizes, at the Harvard Faculty Club. SEVENTH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY Thurs, Oct 9, '97 Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-14 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improb.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-15 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is overflow from the real magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated 950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706 ----------------------------------------------------- 1996-12-16 Our Address (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/ We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it. If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a SASE in all printed correspondence. From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on ABC Television's "World News Now" and Public Radio's "Living on Earth." ELSEWHERE ON THE NET: * USENET: a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research --------------------------- 1996-12-17 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1996, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS: Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http://www.improb.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================