PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1997-01 January, 1997 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1997-01-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1997-01-01 Table of Contents 1997-01-02 mini Housekeeping Notes 1997-01-03 What's New in AIR 1997-01-04 Chocolate Effectiveness Survey 1997-01-05 More about Odd Units 1997-01-06 AIRhead # 100,000 1997-01-07 Project Smartypants Continues 1997-01-08 Food for Thought: Elegant Gooeyness 1997-01-09 Fodder for Argument: Chaff About Wheat 1997-01-10 The LX Files: Eternal Life 1997-01-11 The Gene Story Anthology 1997-01-12 Scientific Correctness: Dino Survey Results 1997-01-13 Scientific Correctness: Zippy Travel 1997-01-14 AIRhead Project 2000 1997-01-15 May We Recommend 1997-01-16 AIRhead Events 1997-01-17 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1997-01-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1997-01-19 Our Address (*) 1997-01-20 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-02 mini Housekeeping Notes 1. The Seattle/Bellingham events schedule is shaping up (see below). If you would like to help organize an AIR events in a. the Seattle area in February, or b. update New York in April, or c. the greater Louisville / Cincinnati area in May, please get in touch with us ASAP. 2. As always, AIR is seeking intelligent, obstinate interns (old, young, and otherwise) to help with editorial, publicity, and research activities. If you're near Cambridge and are eager to be corrupted, please call 617-491-4437 or email ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-03 What's New in AIR Here are some alluring abstracts from the current issue of The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the indispensable, indisposable print journal that's much more interesting than what you're forced to read at work or school. (The electronic document you are reading at this very moment is mini-AIR, the diminutive supplement of things too teeny or tiny or timely to fit in the real magazine.) Volume 3, number 1 (the Jan/Feb 97 issue) of AIR is a special Ig Nobel Prize Issue, with a full report and lavish photos spreads on the Sixth First Annual Ig ceremony (including the cockroach opera). Other features in the issue include (in addition to those listed in last month's mini-AIR) include: * "Why Do People Accept Job Offers?," by Tanika Welp. Welp gives an appreciation of the work of researchers Daniel Turban, James Campion, and Alison Eyering. Turban, Campion, and Eyering published a landmark paper in the research publication "Journal of Vocational Behavior," in which they conclude that when someone gets a job offer: a. if he is UNLIKELY to accept the offer, then he probably WILL NOT accept it. b. if he is LIKELY to accept the offer, then he probably WILL accept it. * "Caution: Falling Lizards," by Alarum Clarke. Clarke presents a layperson's guide to the work of researchers William Schlesinger, Johannes Knops, and Thomas Nash, concerning lizards that drop from the sky (most of them have fallen off trees). * "Cleavage is Overrated," by scientist/supermodel Symmetra. The author explores a property of crystal lattices, and also gives testimony in support of SymmetraCal ("the topical drink that evens you out"). * "Sleep Research Update," by Y.-M. Pasketitch. A further report on who is sleeping with whom in the lab. And much, much more... Full text and illustrations of these and many other articles and citations appear in the Jan/Feb AIR. As always, we liltingly beseech you to subscribe -- and to submit your own research for publication. [APOLOGETIC, PATHETIC NOTE: In last month's mini-AIR we mangled the name of the author of "The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less." The author is none other than Eric Schulman.] ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-04 Chocolate Effectiveness Survey Spurred by the success of our earlier survey on chocolate preferences, which found that the population is evenly split between lovers of dark chocolate and lovers of the milky version, we present the CHOCOLATE EMPIRICAL EFFECTIVENESS SURVEY. Please fill out your ballot and e-mail it to THE QUESTION In your direct experience, is chocolate an aphrodisiac? ____YES ____NO ____DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-05 More about Odd Units Reports about odd units of measurement continue to limp in. >From investigator Gernot Metze: My students used the "PBI" index to judge the quality of their PhD research proposals. PBI ranges from 0 to 1 and stands for "Partially Baked Idea", a generalization of the half-baked idea. We found this unit extremely useful and are surprised it has not received wider usage. >From investigator Barbara Ludington: Actually, that should be "Unusual Quantities" instead of "odd units." I am curious if anyone has ever convincingly proven that one bazillion is exactly equal to one kazillion. And perhaps furthermore, that neither is equal to a quadrillion. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-06 AIRhead # 100,000 It has happened at last. Hooray. Huzzah. Yippee. An unsuspecting soul has wandered across our web site (the much noted Hot Air) and become AIRhead number 100,000 (for the year 1996). The event occurred on November 18. Our crack, efficient bureaucracy received the notification and proof (a printout of the Hot AIR visitor counter) not long afterwards. In a mere month and a half, we were able to bestow upon him (or at least put into the mails) the reward for his momentary toil: the beginning of a free year's subscription to AIR and a vial of DNA cologne. The lucky individual is Michael R. Helms of San Rafael. San Rafael is in California, which is located in the western part of the United States. Mr. Helms is a mechanical engineer who has played horseshoes at both the geographic and magnetic South Poles, and who has poor handwriting. Mr. Helms also recently won a yo-yo, but not from us. Our heartiest congratulations to Mr. Michael R. Helms! Mr. Helms did not send us a photograph of himself, but if ever he does, we will post it in the web site. Such -- in case you were wondering as to its exact nature --is fame. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-07 Project Smartypants Continues Next month we will present the official report for Project Smartypants. PROJECT SMARTYPANTS will smartly settle the question: Which academic field has the most intelligent people? If you have not already sent in your entry, or if you wish to stuff the ballot box, complete this handy survey form: 1. Please rank the various academic disciplines according to YOUR OPINION of the relative intelligence of its members (smartest at the top, not-so-smartest at the bottom). 2. Please rank those same disciplines according to THEIR OWN OPINIONS of their relative intelligence. 3. What is your own scientific specialty? Please send completed data forms -- OR ANY OTHER PERTINENT DATA -- to We will publish the results next month. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-08 Food for Thought: Elegant Gooeyness Investigator Laura Fuller writes: I am a high school senior. Here are the results of a three year mathematics experiment. Once each year I take my math homework, wrap it plastic, and scrunch the whole thing up and put it in into a cup of chocolate pudding. I take the cup of pudding to math class, and when the teacher asks for our homework I hand her the cup and say, "The proof is in the pudding." Three different teachers in three years. It gets 'em every time. * * * Operating on nearly (but not quite) parallel lines, investigator Wendy Mattson writes: What are the criteria for Elegant _GUI_ness? I use the NEXTSTEP OS, and know engineers among whom such questions are hotly debated. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-09 Fodder for Argument: Chaff About Wheat Reader Andy Simon of Portland Community College is seeking collaborators for his medical research study: I have noticed an interesting (though admittedly anecdotal) correlation between those friends of mine who for many years refused to eat bread or pastry at my house because it wasn't made of whole wheat flour and those friends of mine who nowadays refuse to eat the bread or pastry at my house because they have been diagnosed (by their naturopaths) as having wheat allergies. I wonder whether there is a causal or perhaps a karmic connection at work here. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-10 The LX Files: Eternal Life Drexel University Physics Professor Leonard X. Finegold" often goes by the moniker "LXF." He reports a discovery made recently using the Internet: "Today I tried the new Yahoo, tested LXF, it came up with these cell lines which are presumably immortal:" LX-1 ( human , carcinoma ) LXF 126 ( human , carcinoma, squamous ) LXF 289 ( human , adenocarcinoma ) LXF 297 ( human , adenocarcinoma ) ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-11 The Gene Story Anthology We are proud to announce the GENE STORY ANTHOLOGY. This is a new AIR public participation project/contest. You are invited to submit short stories -- 100 words tops -- in which all nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs are the names of genes or gene products(such as "sonic hedgehog"). Some cheating will be allowed -- it's okay to also use "him," "her," is, etc. Catalogs of gene and gene product names for many organisms can be found somewhere on the web. Instigator R. Roberts suggests two such troves: One good source of gene names from E. coli can be found at http://mbl.edu/html/ecoli.html Select the category Gene Name and then enter the wild card % to get a list of all names. Another source is FlyBase, which can be reached at http://flybase.bio.indiana.edu/, or at several other mirror sites. FlyBase makes it tricky to get one whole list, but they can be retrieved via all the a's, all the b's etc. Please identify the species from which your story's gene and gene product names are derived. Winning authors will each receive a copy of AIR autographed by scientist/supermodel Symmetra. Send all entries to ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-12 Scientific Correctness: Dino Survey Results Thank you to everyone who participated in the first of our SCIENTIFIC CORRECTNESS SURVEYS to establish the correct answers to heated scientific controversies. This first question is now settled. The lion and the lamb, the preacher and the politician, the spider and the fly -- all can now walk hand in hand (or other, analogous appendage), in harmonious agreement. Here are the results, of the vote: 33% Dinosaurs and man walked together less than 10,000 years ago. 30% Dinosaurs became extinct before the first humans existed. 23% Dinosaurs and man walked together millions of years ago. 09% Humans became extinct before the first dinosaurs existed. 02% Declined, or were unable, to express an opinion 02% Agreed with all of the choices listed above 01% Dinosaurs and man walked together, but it was purely platonic. Investigator Thomas B. Roos reports that he plans to use this survey in future exams at Dartmouth College. Investigator J. Mohler reports, "As documented in the comic strip "Alley Oop", while dinosaurs and humans coexisted during prehistoric times, they rarely if ever walked together. When they were going in the same direction, the human invariably choose to ride." Investigator John J. Lannutti concludes that, currently, "dinosaurs mostly fly while man mostly walks." Investigator Jim Culter concludes that dinosaur bones were placed in the fossil strata 10,000 years ago in order to confuse and mislead 20th century scientists, and that dinosaurs never actually existed. Investigator Frank Stephan raises a concern common to the German scientific community, in reporting, "This vote is placed in the belief, that alligators do not count as dinosaurs in spite of the fact that these two species are relatives. But in this case it was more a hating than loving relationship." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-13 Scientific Correctness: Zippy Travel Several investigators suggested the topic of this month's SCIENTIFIC CORRECTNESS SURVEY. The question is: Is faster-than-light travel possible? Please send your ballot to . There is a limit of one ballot per person. In light of delivery problems, exceptions will be made for voters who are traveling at greater than .9 c. *** The results of AIR's Scientific Correctness Surveys *** will be made available to school boards throughout *** the world, and especially in Texas. We humbly hope, *** and eagerly expect, that these fungible facts will *** comprise the content of tomorrow's textbooks. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-14 AIRhead Project 2000 Since June, 1994, we have been compiling a list of everything that has 2000 as part of its name. ITEM #RJ-3409 (submitted by investigator Ron Josephson) "Etonic 2000," jogging shoes available in white/black or navy/white. ITEM #WASHNWEAR-09 (submitted by multiple investigators) "Process 2000," a wrinkle protection system from Savane clothing. ITEM #COIFMATE-11 (submitted by investigator Peter Vogel) "Hair 2000," an entry in the Sydney, Australia phone book. ITEM 6201-N was submitted by investigator Bill Turner, who reports: I really regret not having the presence of mind to fully investigate, but last week I received a telemarketing call for a product called "SEPTIC 2000." Unfortunately, as the call came during dinner, I neglected to get any more details. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-15 May We Recommend Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to the many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) FOR THE BIRDS "Skylark optimal flight speeds for flying nowhere and somewhere," A. Henderstrom and T. Alerstam, Behavioral Ecology., vol. 7, no. 2, 1996, pp. 121-6. (Thanks to Adolf Ceska for bringing this to our attention.) MAD FOR THE MOVIES "Images of Madness in the Films of Walt Disney," Allen Beveridge, "Psychiatric Bulletin," vol. 20, 1966, pp. 618-620. (Thanks to Steve Trimberger for bringing this to our attention)\.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1997-01-16 AIRhead Events ==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com Want to host an event? E-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu ROSCOE VANGUARD SOCIAL SCIFI CLUB, Wed Feb 12, 7:00 pm SEATTLE Seminar/slide show, followed by potluck dessert. All welcome but please call or e-mail in advance as seating is limited. For info: Luke McGuff 634-3828 "INTERNET CAFE" program on PBS television Fri Feb 14 A special show devoted to the topic "Weird Science" will feature HotAIR webmaster (and Global Village Idiot) Amy Gorin and also video clips of the most recent Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony. AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, SEATTLE Mon. Feb. 17, 8:00 pm SHERATON WEST BALLROOM A The American Association for the Advancement Of Science. Special AIR seminar devoted to science humor, intentional and otherwise. Presenters include: Marc Abrahams, editor, AIR, and chair, Ig Nobel Bd. of Governors Karen Hopkin, creator, Studmuffins of Science Calendar Steve Mirsky, "Anti-Gravity" columnist, Scientific American Jeffrey Moran, U Missouri, composer: "50 Ways to Love Your Liver" Robert Park, American Physical Society, author of "What's New" UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON, SEATTLE Fri Feb 14, 2:30 The Chemistry building, Bagley 154 For info: Shanti Rao SIGMA XI, WESTERN WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY Tues Feb 18, 3:00 BELLINGHAM For info: Lou Lippman < lippman@gonzo.cc.wwu.edu > HARVARD SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH SPECIAL GATHERING Fri, Mar. 7 Special presentation, about improbable research and the Ig Nobel Prizes, at the Harvard Faculty Club. CORNELL UNIVERSITY April Exact dates/times to be announced. Anyone else in the area who would like to host an improbable research event please email SIGMA XI, Louisville, KY Monday, May 12 Info: Lawrence Gettleman SEVENTH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY Thurs, Oct 9 Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. Tickets will go on sale in August. ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-17 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improb.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is overflow from the real magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated 950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706 ----------------------------------------------------- 1997-01-19 Our Address (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/ We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it. If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a SASE in all printed correspondence. From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on ABC Television's "World News Now" and Public Radio's "Living on Earth." ELSEWHERE ON THE NET: * USENET: a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research --------------------------- 1997-01-20 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1997, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS: Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http://www.improb.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================