PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1997-02 February, 1997 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1997-02-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1997-02-01 Table of Contents 1997-02-02 mini Housekeeping Notes 1997-02-03 What's New in AIR 1997-02-04 AIR Chocolate Aphrodisiac Report 1997-02-05 Smartypants Survey Results 1997-02-06 Smartypants in their Own Words 1997-02-07 Mated Monikers 1997-02-08 In the Matter of Q 1997-02-09 The Slow Flow of History 1997-02-10 Gene Story Contest Winners 1997-02-11 Valentinian Research Findings 1997-02-12 Scientific Correctness: Zippy Travel 1997-02-13 AIRhead Project 2000 1997-02-14 May We Recommend 1997-02-15 AIRhead Events 1997-02-16 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1997-02-17 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1997-02-18 Our Address (*) 1997-02-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-02 mini Housekeeping Notes 1. A number of AIR events will take place this month in the Seattle/Bellingham area. Please come (and heckle)! 2. If you'd like to host an AIR event in a. upstate New York (Ithaca, Syracuse, etc) in April, or b. the greater Louisville / Cincinnati area in May, please get in touch with us ASAP. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-03 What's New in AIR Here are some alluring abstracts from the next issue of The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). Volume 3, number 2 (the Mar/Apr 97 issue) of AIR is our Annual Swimsuit Issue -- complete with unexpected lavish photos of this year's crop of scientific swimsuit sweeties. Other features in the issue include (in addition to those listed in last month's mini-AIR) include: * The cover photo is Phil Bock's remarkable electronmicrograph of a fossilized screaming meemies. (By month's end, this photo will also be posted on our web site.) * Dumplings on the March, by Seth Steinberg. A complete graphical summary of the three great theories (Early, Classical, and Unified) of dumplings -- where they came from, how they developed and diversified, and how the various families relate. * Princess Caroline Discovers, by Alice Shirrell Kaswell. A report on recent substantial developments such as DNA alcoholic spring water, Donna Karan's Chaos fragrance. * Spoon Exacerbation of Anorexia Nervosa, by Deb Kreuze and T. Foster Keck. In some anorexia treatment centers, patients are not allowed to have mirrors. This clinical report identifies the problems caused when such patients use spoons instead. The distorted images produced by the spoons can be dangerous. And much, much more... Full text and illustrations of these and many other articles and citations appear in the Mar/Apr AIR. mini-AIR (which you are reading at this moment) is but a hint of what's in the print publication. As always, we liltingly beseech you to subscribe to the real thing -- and to submit your own research for publication. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-04 AIR Chocolate Aphrodisiac Report Is chocolate an aphrodisiac? Does it matter if you are male or female? Does race have anything to do with it? Here are the results of last month's AIR Poll on the matter. 54.83% of the males responding said yes, and 50% of the females said yes. One correspondent asserted it was so potent that it even worked when he was alone, while a second mentioned the sequelae use of stimulating fetal movements (obviously she was not alone in the purest sense). On the other hand, a solid 5% of the respondents were concerned with how the chocolate was administered (internally or externally), including one woman whose male companion obtained and experimented with chocolate body paint. A number of people were concerned with the source of the chocolate. Without going into name brands (and ignoring the person who reported having Hershey's kisses in both ears), Swiss chocolate beat American chocolate 100% by those concerned (though in fairness we must mention that the aforementioned body paint was French). The question of dark and bittersweet versus light (or milk chocolate) was raised by many with the dark side coming out ahead five to two. Related to this were single votes each for "grande light-chocolate nonfat no-whip mocha," green M&M's, cheesecake and keeping the lights on (this was not from the body paint people). The matter of white chocolate was gone into, and emerged from. Finally, there is the issue of race. We have no information on this except for the report of a single individual who has assured us wholeheartedly and (we believe) in all sincerity that chocolate is indeed an aphrodisiac. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-05 Smartypants Survey Results Here, at last, are the results Project Smartypants. Project Smartypants was a massive public survey effort to determine, once and for all, which field of science has the smartest people. Respondents 23% of the respondents identified their life fields as being physics or physics related, 12% chemistry, 17% biology or medicine, 11% math, 9% computer science. Many other fields were represented but in smaller percentages. In addition, we had a librarian, a kindergarten teacher and a self-described penguinist. One person put down "reading" and one was a medical school drop-out but married to a very sexy mate (no photo included). Most Intelligent 40% of the respondents rated physics folks as most intelligent. 15% chose mathematicians. Chemistry and biology were tied in second place with 6%. In addition there were individual votes for stock brokers, post- modern philosophers, and school custodians (yes that was from our kindergarten teacher who "who noticed that while I drive a Ford Escort, our school custodian drives a Lincoln New Yorker!") Comments A number of people were kind enough not to just list the top three, but supply more extensive rankings of many diverse fields that they felt were important. These included, but in were no way limited to: meter maids, pond scum, earwigs, business administrators, and education researchers. The latter two ranked near the bottom on most of the lists which included them. Curiously many people felt that the bottom of the list was far more interesting then the top, and were quite effusive in their comments. There were no lawyers anywhere on the list. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-06 Smartypants in their Own Words Here are some thoughts expressed by survey respondents. Investigator Martyn Bull: Post Modern Philosophers feel that all other disciplines which are totally irrelevant and can only be studied by pre amoebic lifeforms . I know a great deal about this since I share a house with a Post Modern Philosopher, and several other co-amoeba. Investigator Poa Ekeblad: There seems to be a misunderstanding about the definition of smart. The REAL definition is of course: Smart people avoid complicated problems. Many scientists may be curious, intelligent etc, but they shouldn't be considered SMART. Even finding an easy field to investigate is quite a complex process. Investigator Jim Kehrer: The ranking is obvious based on supply and demand (i.e. the smartest people go where the most money can be made). Investigator Charlie Cerf: I, for one, am quite uncertain whether business-school researchers are dumber than education-school researchers. Perhaps not: the former follow the dictum "those who can't, teach", while the latter can't even teach.... More interesting than intelligence are other qualities of personality. As the husband of a physician, I have met many doctors. I have been disgusted by their almost inhuman lack of the tendency to procrastinate. Investigator Larry Turner: At a meeting of the interdisciplinary Society for Religion in Higher Education at Lake Forest, Illinois, in the mid-1960's, the wife of another participant looked at my very young sons on the beach and said, "With those large heads, they are going to be physical scientists." Investigator Carl Morrow: There is published proof that botanists are definitely much more likable and cuddly than many of their scientific counterparts. (See the statement made by Howard Eves in 1969 that has been quoted in the "UMAP Journal," vol. 17, no. 1, 1996, p. 94.) ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-07 Mated Monikers Investigator Mike Sarakinsky requests that others take up the baton in pursuing an unusual goal: I noticed that many prominent anthropologists had double-barreled surnames (Radcliffe-Brown, Levi-Strauss, Evans-Pritchard, Levy- Bruhl, and a number of others) but I was unable to find any sociologists with the same. I then did a survey amongst first year students in both disciplines at the university (both had about 1000 first year students) and found that no sociology students, and 23 anthropology students, had double-barreled surnames. I concluded that people with double-barreled surnames were genetically predisposed to becoming anthropologists. Can any other discipline identify similar predisposing characteristics? If you have data or pertinent observations of other kinds, please send them to . Please indicate whether your own name is, or ever was, hyphenated. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-08 In the Matter of Q Investigator Lee Seldon reports an especially useful unit of measurement: When I was a med student in Germany, a neurology resident explained the following to me -- with reference to a certain Professor of Psychiatry, named Q -- "One Q is the effect of one Professor Q upon one patient at a distance of one meter over one minute" I've never forgotten this memorable unit. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-09 The Slow Flow of History Last month the world lost George W. Duffy, age 104, who was an ambulance driver in the Great Boston Molasses Flood of 1919. We are planning a celebration in 1999 for the 80th anniversary of the Flood, complete with recreational activities for the children. More details soon. Your suggestions will be welcomed. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-10 Gene Story Contest Winners Here are the winning stories submitted for our GENE STORY ANTHOLOGY contest. Contestants were asked to write short stories - - 100 words tops -- in which all nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs are the names of genes or gene products (such as "sonic hedgehog"). Some cheating was allowed -- it was okay to also use "him," "her," is, etc. Both winners will receive a copy of The Annals of Improbable Research specail Symmettra Issue (vol 2, no 3) autographed by scientist/supermodel Symmetra. **************************** WINNER (1): Jonathan Epstein **************************** GOLIATH CAN CAST a GEM farther than BEN HUR. At its APEX, the fast OPAL HITA WHITE ANGEL. The ANGEL then BEAT a GALE. But the ANGEL's BOSS, GOD, from AFAR CAN CALM the ANGEL. GOD FUSED the GAP between GOLIATH, the ANGEL, and their ILK. The names in this story come from eight different species. (They are listed int the database Entrez, which is on the web at http://www3.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/Entrez/.) Drosophila melanogaster: goliath ben white angel beat boss fused Homo sapiens: can CAST gem HuR fast GAP ILK CALM Mus musculus: Apex Haemophilus influenza: hitA galE Neisseria gonorrhoeae: opal Aspergillus niger: god Rattus norvegicus: AFAR ********************** WINNER (2): Jym Mohler ********************** In the LOT behind CLUB ETHER-A-GOGO, AMY PRUNE's BREATHLESS TORSO was SPLAYED in the GRAVEL. Her CROOKED-NECK was BENT over the STONEWALL in an ABRUPT TWIST. Her REFRINGENT THRONG was DISHEVELED and her WHITE-MOTTLED MINI UPTURNED . But no COPPER would ARREST the DERANGED KILLER-OF-PRUNE. No CELL would HOLD-UP that HEARTLESS SNAKE. For a SHOTGUN had REDUCED OSKAR's BIG-BRAIN into STARDUST and FAINT-LITTLE-BALLS. All the genes mentioned in this story are from Drosophila. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-11 Valentinian Research Findings Investigator John Bell has conducted some Valentine's Day research. "Mapping Desire - Geographies of Sexualities - Bell,D, Valentine,G," J. Silk, "Area," vol. 28, no. 2, 1996, p. 245. This is J. Silk's review of the book written by Bell and Valentine. "Mainstream Legitimization of Homosexual Men Through Valentines Day: Gift-Giving and Consumption Rituals," P.J. Newman, and R.R. Nelson, "Journal of Homosexuality," vol. 31, no. 1-2, 1996, pp. 57-69. The abstract reads: Recently, the gay community has received increased attention from marketers through specially-made television commercials, direct mail pieces, and other media messages, However, little research in consumer behavior has examined the potential attitudinal and behavioral differences and similarities between heterosexuals and homosexuals, Specifically, this paper provides an exploratory look at the meaning and practices surrounding the consumer ritual of Valentine's Day from the perspective of homosexual men, Using depth interviews within an interpretative framework, our research suggests similarities exist for the celebration of Valentine's Day between homosexual and heterosexual singles, while differences may exist for the functions of Valentine's Day gift-giving between these groups. Some homosexual couples feel they cannot 'legitimately participate' in the dominant rituals associated with the holiday due to oppression by a 'heterosexual society' Marketing implications are discussed. "The Pleasure and Pain of Being Close - Men's Mixed Feelings About Participation in Valentines-Day Gift Exchange," C. Otnes, J.A. Ruth, C.C. Milbourne, and L. Burnett, "Advances in Consumer Research," vol. 21, 1994, pp. 159-64. The abstract reads: Most studies examining gift-giving employ women in their samples. This study focuses entirely upon men's attitudes toward a salient holiday in America, that of Valentine's Day. Specifically, it expands upon our earlier finding that men have different attitudes toward the holiday and toward Valentine's Day gift-giving than women. By a qualitative analysis of open-ended questions, we examine what men believe about the purpose of Valentine's Day, what they like most and least about the holiday, and why they did or did not participate in gift-giving activities. Investigator Bell also searched the database for articles with the word 'love' in the title, with this result. Science Index 185 Social Scientists 755 Arts and Humanities 1683 Bell raises the question: "Does this mean scientist are less romantic or are they are to busy doing it to write about it?" ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-12 Scientific Correctness: Zippy Travel Last month's SCIENTIFIC CORRECTNESS SURVEY is also this month's scientific correctness survey. Responses continue to drift in at a variety of speeds. The question is: Is faster-than-light travel possible? Please send your ballot to . There is a limit of one ballot per person. In light of delivery problems, exceptions will be made for voters who are traveling at greater than .9 c. We will publish the survey results next month. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-13 AIRhead Project 2000 Since June, 1994, we have been compiling a list of everything that has 2000 as part of its name. Here is an item plucked from the collection: ITEM PP-06 (submitted by investigator Maryn McKenna) "PLAN 2000," a plan by Power Plus Corporation (PPCO) to establish a broad network of company owned "POWERFUL STUFF" stores across North America. PPCO assures the public that its "stock is set for DRAMATIC UPWARD MOVEMENT." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-14 May We Recommend Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to the many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) FOR THE BIRDS "Skylark optimal flight speeds for flying nowhere and somewhere," A. Henderstrom and T. Alerstam, Behavioral Ecology., vol. 7, no. 2, 1996, pp. 121-6. (Thanks to Adolf Ceska for bringing this to our attention.) MAD FOR THE MOVIES "Images of Madness in the Films of Walt Disney," Allen Beveridge, "Psychiatric Bulletin," vol. 20, 1966, pp. 618-620. (Thanks to Steve Trimberger for bringing this to our attention)\.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1997-02-15 AIRhead Events ==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com Want to host an event? E-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu ROSCOE VANGUARD SOCIAL SCIFI CLUB, Wed Feb 12, 7:00 pm SEATTLE Seminar/slide show, followed by potluck dessert. All welcome but please call or e-mail in advance as seating is limited. For info: Luke McGuff 634-3828 "INTERNET CAFE" program on PBS television Fri Feb 14 A special show devoted to the topic "Weird Science" will feature HotAIR webmaster (and Global Village Idiot) Amy Gorin and also video clips of the most recent Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony. AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, SEATTLE Mon. Feb. 17, 8:00 pm SHERATON WEST BALLROOM A The American Association for the Advancement Of Science. Special AIR seminar devoted to science humor, intentional and otherwise. Presenters include: Marc Abrahams, editor, AIR, and chair, Ig Nobel Bd. of Governors Karen Hopkin, creator, Studmuffins of Science Calendar Steve Mirsky, "Anti-Gravity" columnist, Scientific American Jeffrey Moran, U Missouri, composer: "50 Ways to Love Your Liver" Robert Park, American Physical Society, author of "What's New" UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON, SEATTLE Fri Feb 14, 2:30 The Chemistry building, Bagley 154 For info: Shanti Rao SIGMA XI, WESTERN WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY Tues Feb 18, 3:00 BELLINGHAM For info: Lou Lippman HARVARD SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH DIVISION OF BIOLOGICAL SCIENCES RETREAT Fri, Mar. 7 Special seminar on improbable research and the Ig Nobel Prizes. CORNELL UNIVERSITY April Tentative mystery event. Anyone else in the area who would like to host an improbable research event please email SIGMA XI, Louisville, KY Monday, May 12 Info: Lawrence Gettleman SEVENTH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY Thurs, Oct 9 Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. Tickets will go on sale in August. ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-16 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improb.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-17 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is overflow from the real magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated 950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706 ----------------------------------------------------- 1997-02-18 Our Address (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/ We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it. If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a SASE in all printed correspondence. From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on ABC Television's "World News Now" and Public Radio's "Living on Earth." ELSEWHERE ON THE NET: * USENET: a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research --------------------------- 1997-02-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1997, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS: Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http://www.improb.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================