PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1997-08 August, 1997 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1997-08-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1997-08-01 Table of Contents 1997-08-02 mini-Housekeeping Notes: Ig Nobel Tickets 1997-08-03 What's New in AIR 1997-08-04 In Search of the Improbable 1997-08-05 Correctness Survey Results: Reality -- Yes or No? 1997-08-06 Ig Nobel Tickets 1997-08-07 And Still More Wombatiana 2000 1997-08-08 Update: AIR Universal History Translation Project 1997-08-09 On Bites 1997-08-10 And Still More on Bites 1997-08-11 Further Adventures of C. Crawford, Chemical Engineer 1997-08-12 AIR Vents (letters from readers) 1997-08-13 AIRhead Project 2000 1997-08-14 May We Recommend 1997-08-15 AIRhead Events 1997-08-16 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1997-08-17 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1997-08-18 Our Address (*) 1997-08-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-02 mini-Housekeeping notes: Ig Nobel Tickets 1. Tickets are now on sale for this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony. Details are given below (in section 1997-08-06). 2. In addition to televising this year's ceremony live over the net, we are also hoping to put some previous years' highlights on- line -- details of that will be in the September mini-AIR, we hope! ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-03 What's New in AIR Here are some alluring abstracts from volume 3, number 5 (the Sept/Oct 97 issue) of the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). 3:5 is the special How-To Issue. Features in the issue include: "Cafeteria Review: The Johns Hopkins Greenhouse Cafeteria," by Karen Hopkin. "Physicists and Mathematicians -- Draw Your Own Conclusion," by Pamela Sexton. The author presents her evidence for the conclusion that physicists can draw pictures and mathematicians can't. "NOBEL THOUGHTS: David Baltimore," by Marc Abrahams. In this interview, the new president of Caltech discusses his feelings about socks. "Ask Symmetra," by scientist/supermodel Symmetra. In this edition of her regular column, Symmetra uses the inverse square law to calculate the force of attraction between a woman and her boyfriend. "Commentaries on Grayson's 'Burkina Faso'," by a variety of commentators. Four eminent scholars give their interpretations of D.K. Grayson's controversial study, "A Comprehensive Prehistory of Central Burkina Faso." The article is accompanied by a rare sketch that is said to resemble Grayson. "HMO Black Newsletter." This time, our newsletter about managed health care details the HMO Black Patient's Choice Plan, under which patients who specify their illnesses in advance may eligible for special discounts. And much, much more... Full text and illustrations of these and many other articles and citations (including the full citation for "Nitrate-Reducing Bacteria on Rat Tongues") appear in the Sept/Oct issue of AIR. [mini-AIR, which you are reading at this moment, is a tiny *supplement* to what's in the print publication. As always, we urge you to subscribe to the real thing -- and to submit your own research and images for publication.] ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-04 In Search of the Improbable We have been told that Oscar Wilde constructed the following epigram: One should always be a little improbable. If anyone can supply the citation for the Wilde work in which this occurs, please sent it to us at ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-05 Correctness Survey Results: Reality -- Yes or No? Our Scientific Correctness Survey in mini-AIR 1997-06 asked you to settle, once and bureaucratically for all, the question, "Does reality Exist?" We had 139 comprehensible responses. Of these, 42% believe reality exists, while 31% believe it does not. From those who believe reality exists we learn that it is "over priced", "over rated" and "a military secret." From those who believe reality does not exist we learn that it "used to" and is "all done with mirrors" (this last one from Ira Green, who may be willing to show how it is done). One person admits to being undecided, two voted both ways, four people feel their reality exists but ours does not, and seven are agonizing over the definitions of various words. Frank Stephan says reality has existed since 1984. Stephan's conclusion is based on the following quote, which he found in a public rest room: "Reality is the Illusion which is caused by the absence of alcohol." Dennis McClain-Furmanski believes reality can be tested by locking a physicist and a cat in a box with two slits in it. He has a particular physicist in mind but needs help getting said physicist into the box. Catherine Armour asks if we consulted God. We are ashamed to admit that we did not. However, we did hear from a descendent of Rene Descartes, who said, "I think so." A contrasting view came from Fredrik Mansfeld, who wrote: Behold this absolutely true statement: "Cogito, ergo sum." And reality doesn't think, I think. Hence, it does not exist. Jim Livingston feels that "Reality exists when it is really necessary." Bob Wakulich knows the answer but refuses to tell us. Nigel Wilson "found [reality] whilst sorting through some rubbish". Rosemary Webb told us "Yes, but you can't get to it". Carson Bays expressed a view held by many readers: "Yes, except in New Jersey." Karem Lingel holds a variant of that view, specifically that: "Reality exists in Ithaca, NY for about 30 minutes, 12 hours after a thunderstorm" A few people apparently answered alternate questions. This included one gentleman who stated "No. I was married to her ... and I killed her", and two "college students" who had the phrase "hardbodies" in their domain name. Karl Evan Hallowell justifies a NO answer thusly: "If reality exists, then we mathematicians would have proven it by now." Joe Kelley reached the same conclusion, but by a different rout: "If reality existed there would be a user manual." More responses next month. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-06 Ig Nobel Tickets As mentioned above, this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony will take place at Harvard on Thurs. evening, October 9. INDIVIDUAL TICKETS Tickets now on sale at the Sanders Theatre Box Office 617-496-2222. It's a good idea to get tickets now, because the event always sells out. DELEGATION TICKETS If your group would like to send an official theme delegation please get in touch with our Delegations Delegation: Margaret Ann (mag@mit.edu or 617-253-0217), Ed (eaj@mit.edu or 617-253-5030), or Dee (deedc@mit.edu or 617-253-5543). Delegations will be selected by quasi-lottery -- all applications MUST be received by Tuesday, September 23,1997 (no email, no extensions, no refunds, no compassion). LIVE INTERNET TELECAST The Ceremony will be televised live over the net. Details will be posted on our web site, and will appear in the September mini-AIR. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-07 And Still More Wombatiana 2000 We continue to received a goodly supply of general wombat information and misinformation, most of it from investigators in Australia. Investigator Linda A Sunde told us that wombats are lactose intolerant. Investigator Marc Ressler warned us not to ride our motorcycles at night: "You ride at night, you die -- the wombats come out and scurry across the road like a furry bowling ball." For reasons unclear to us, Investigator Allen Gainsford felt obligated to tell us that it is "nearly impossible to train a wombat to perch on your shoulder." Investigator Allan Duncan asks that we distinguish between the common and the hairy nosed variants. We were also told (by investigator Duncan Philps-Tate and others) that the acronym "WOMBAT" is used by computer hackers (hackers in the good sense, not the hackneyed tabloid press sense) to describe a useless task, i.e. a "Waste Of Money, Brains, And Talent." Finally, consider the mind and familial relationships of Investigator Nesher Asner, whose devotion to the Wombat 2000 concept is such that he wrote us the following note: "I have referred to each of our children during their gestation as 'wombat,' as the womb is where they were at. If we get pregnant again in two and a half to three years, I promise to refer to the fetus as "Wombat 2000." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-08 Update: AIR Universal History Translation Project "The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less" (AIR 3:1, Jan/Feb 1997) has now been translated into Afrikaans, Brazilian Portuguese, Catalan, Czech, Danish, Dutch, Esperanto, Finnish, French, Galego, German, Italian, Occitan, Portuguese, Spanish, and Welsh, with Estonian, Hebrew, Polish, and Urdu versions on the way. The AIR UHTP homepage can be found at http://www.cv.nrao.edu/~eschulma/histcom.html If you would like to translate the article into other languages, have suggestions for translating any of the missing phrases from the Irish or Turkish versions, or want additions made to the "Revised History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less," please contact Eric Schulman (eschulma@NRAO.EDU). ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-09 On Bites Tim Chapman was inspired by last month's report about human biting of various body parts (our report was itself inspired by the professional ear-biting activities of boxer Mike Tyson). Chapman posted snippets of the report to the Forteana mailing list, and sparked the following response from Loren Coleman, the well-known crypozoologist and folklorist: "Science writer Patrick Huyghe authored a well-rounded overview of this phenomenon entitled, simply and concisely, 'Human Bites'. It first appeared in a popular science magazine, but I have it as Chapter 9 in his rare but important book, *Glowing Birds: Stories from the Edge of Science* (Boston/London: Faber & Faber, 1985). Huyghe discusses mainstream incidents and the medical literature. He gives the figure for the number of reported human bites in New York City for 1983, as 1,581. Perhaps most disturbing was his insights into how widespread biting is in child abuse homicides. According to psychiatrist Judianne Denson-Gerber, J.D., president of the public health group Odyssey Institute: 'Nearly one-fifth of all the children who come to autopsy in New York City have been cannibalized or bitten prior to death.' Huyghe does a wonderful job of giving me still more reasons for staying away from New York City..." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-10 And Still More on Bites On the same subject, Dr. Eberhard W. Lisse writes from Namibia: "I as a country doctor am very very much afraid of human bites. We see a lot of them and have to amputate quite some fingers, because they just rot off in spite of modern antibiotic and management..." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-11 Further Adventures of C. Crawford, Chemical Engineer Investigator Dan Berry spotted the following report in the July 5- 6, 1997 issue of the "International Herald Tribune." It concerns the current activities of scientist/supermodel Cindy Crawford, some of whose past exploits have been chronicled extensively by AIR columnist Alice Shirrell Kaswell. Model CINDY CRAWFORD, who studied chemical engineering before opting for the catwalk instead, is now poring over the secrets of high cuisine. Crawford on Friday wound up a four-day cooking course at one of France's gourmet establishments, the Moulin [sic] de Mougins near Cannes on the Cote d'Azur. CHEF ROGER VERGE is known for his zucchini and black truffles, stuffed artichokes and mushroom-crusted lamb. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-12 AIR Vents (letters from readers) Investigator Ken Olum inquires into the Neandertal question: "In mini-air 1997-05, Lorena Madrigal wrote Certainly, a love story (mating must occur) between a Neandertal and a Homo sapiens would clarify the issue. "Perhaps this story could also explain the mystery of "How the Neandertal lost his H" along the lines of "How the bear lost his tail." Investigator Keith Tomazi writes in reference to the ongoing Singmaster controversy: "Regarding Singmaster's frustration about the one-or-two-space- after-the-period-controversy: When the literature in question is worth reading, content is more important than blank space. Of course, eyesight is one of the first things to go on mathematicians, so perhaps a pair of specs would be a good investment. (By the way, it's a good thing that I had JUST put down my cup of coffee before getting to the "human bites on the penis" article in last month's mini-AIR!) Investigator Keith Michaels writes: "The publicity your publication has given to recent scientific research on the lava lamp gives me some hope that at last someone may discover why the lava, which starts out as large, round, and curvaceous blobs, inevitably, over the course of several months, turns into small hard turds, which sit in the bottom of the lamp and refuse to move no matter how big a light bulb you put under them. Feel free to pass this research topic along to your staff." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-13 AIRhead Project 2000 Since June, 1994, we have been compiling a list of everything that has 2000 as part of its name. Here are some items plucked randomly from the collection: ITEM L-54908 (submitted by investigator Renate A. Wesselingh) THERMAE 2000, a center where you can take thermal baths, sauna, etc. in spring water (Germans would call it a Kurort) located in Holland. ITEM T-909 (submitted by investigator Beth Murff) TOEFL 2000 POSTDOCTORAL FELLOWSHIP PROGRAM, sponsored by Educational Testing Service of Princeton, New Jersey, to develop a conceptual framework, a research agenda, a better understanding, and an exploration. ITEM WASH-AND-A-LATTE (submitted by investigator Steve Short) WHIRLPOOL HEAVY DUTY WASHER DESIGN 2000, a clothes washing machine that displays the current cycle and time left on a snazzy LED display. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-14 May We Recommend Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to the many, many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) TACKLING COMPLEXITY "The effect of dexfenfluramine on eating habits in a Dutch ambulatory android overweight population with an overconsumption of snacks." M.L. Drent, et al., "International Journal of Obesity and Related Metabolic Disorders, vol. 19, no. 5, 1995, pp. 299- 304. (Thanks to Art Robbins for bringing this to our attention.) BE PREPARED "Pre-copulatory ejaculation solves time constraints during copulations in marine iguanas," M. Wikelski and B. Eurle, "Proceedings of the Royal Society of London Series B (Biological Sciences)," vol. 263, no. 1369, 1996, pp. 439-44. (Thanks to Wendy Cooper for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1997-08-15 AIRhead Events ==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com Want to host an event? E-mail to SEVENTH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY Thurs, Oct 9 Sanders Theatre, Harvard University, 7:30 pm.. The event will also be telecast live over the Internet, and recorded for later broadcast on NPR's "Science Friday"" program. TICKETS: Sanders Theatre box office, 617-496-2222 ANNUAL IG LECTURES Fri, Oct 10 Harvard University. Lectures by Ig Nobel Prize winners and other worthies. AIR Tour of America October and ongoing Schedule to be announced. If you would like to host an event, please email ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-16 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ 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For example, to retrieve the issue dated 950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706 ----------------------------------------------------- 1997-08-18 Our Address (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/ We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it. If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a SASE in all printed correspondence. A monthly column of improbable computer-related items appears on the back page of Byte magazine. ELSEWHERE ON THE NET: * USENET: a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research --------------------------- 1997-08-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1997, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http://www.improb.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================