PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1997-09 September, 1997 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1997-09-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1997-09-01 Table of Contents 1997-09-02 mini-Housekeeping Notes 1997-09-03 What's New in AIR 1997-09-04 Philosophical Correctness Survey: Power 1997-09-05 Wilde Improbability 1997-09-06 Teachers' Guide 1997-09-07 The Persistence of Reality 1997-09-08 The 1997 Heisenberg Certainty Lecturers 1997-09-09 Ig Live Telecast (and a highlight reel!) 1997-09-10 Ig Informal Lectures (on the day AFTER the ceremony) 1997-09-11 Accentuate the Negative, De-glorify the Positive 1997-09-12 Lava Enthusiast 1997-09-13 Someone Doesn't Like Us 1997-09-14 Sing, Sing, Sing of Singmaster 1997-09-15 Tootsies on Display 1997-09-16 Announcing: The AIR book! 1997-09-17 AIRhead Project 2000 1997-09-18 May We Recommend 1997-09-19 AIRhead Events 1997-09-20 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1997-09-21 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1997-09-22 Our Address (*) 1997-09-23 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-02 mini-Housekeeping notes 1. LAWSUIT: We are being sued (how fashionable!). For details, see section 1997-09-13 below). 2. IG TIX: Tickets for this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony (to be held October 9) are going fast, but there are still some available from the Sanders Theatre Box Office: 617-496-2222. 3. IG TV: If you plan to watch the Ig ceremony live on the Internet telecast, see section 1997-09-09 below!!!!!! ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-03 What's New in AIR Here are some alluring abstracts from volume 3, number 5 (the Sept/Oct 97 issue) of the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). 3:5 is the special How-To Issue. Features in the issue include: "How to Resurrect Houseflies," by Cathy Allen. The author presents concise, easy-to-follow instructions. "How to Stiff a Taxi Driver (Part 1)" by Kurt Vial. The author describes the techniques needed for successful taxidermy. General readers, especially those in New York City, may also find it of interest. "How to Write a Ph.D. Thesis," by Eric Schulman. The author presents a complete guide not only to how to write a thesis, but also to what steps can and should be skipped. "Why There are No Men Available," by David Schlinkert. The author, who is not available, gives his analysis of why women who seek men can and should despair. "A Space Child's Mother Goose," by Fredrick Winsor and Marian Parry. The wonderful book of this name is long out of print. By spacial arrangement with the artist, we are reprinting an occasional series of illustrated poems from the book. It is our hope that some sensible publisher will realize that 21st century space children, too, will crave these book! And much, much more... Full text and illustrations of these and many other articles and citations (including the full citation for "Response of Dairy Cattle to Transient Voltages and Magnetic Fields") appear in the Sept/Oct issue of AIR. [mini-AIR, which you are reading at this moment, is a tiny *supplement* to what's in the print publication. As always, we urge you to subscribe to the real thing -- and to submit your own research and images for publication.] ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-04 Philosophical Correctness Survey: Power In our continual effort to settle the world's great mysteries by fiat, this month we present a philosophical survey. Please answer to these three questions, and send the answers to . Please try to limit your answers to an aggregate maximum of 100 words. 1. Can God create a rock so heavy that He cannot lift it? 2. Can Superman pull his own head off? 3. Are these two questions equivalent? (For historical reference, we note that this survey was inspired by the work of philosophers Ariane Eigen and Sam Dionne.) ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-05 Wilde Improbability Last month we asked if anyone could track down the citation for Oscar Wilde's epigram: One should always be a little improbable. Many thanks to the hundreds of you who did in fact track it down. (A simple web search was all it took, and we sheepishly admit that we ought to have done that ourselves in the first place.) It comes from the work "Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young", which was originally published in the Oxford student publication, "The Chameleon," December 1894. Thank you to Robert Coyle of The Oscar Wilde Project, and to a horde of other Wilde devotees and search engineers. One good trove of Wilde's works is at http://www.kingkong.demon.co.uk/gsr/phrphil.htm Here is another Wilde nugget to ponder as we build, build, build our techno-bridges to the 21st century: "It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information." (Thanks to investigator Lars-Erik Kronberg for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-06 Teachers' Guide [This Teachers' Guide appears in every issue of AIR. By popular request, we also reprint it once or twice a year in mini-AIR.] Three out of five teachers agree: curiosity is a dangerous thing, especially in students. If you are one of the other two teachers, AIR and mini-AIR can be powerful tools. Choose your favorite hAIR- raising article and give copies to your students. The approach is simple. The scientist thinks that he (or she, or whatever), of all people, has discovered something about how the universe behaves. So: 1. Is this scientist right--and what does "right" mean, anyway? 2. Can you think of even one different explanation that works as well or better? 3. Did the test really, really, truly, unquestionably, completely test what the author thought he was testing? 4. Is the scientist ruthlessly honest with himself about how well his idea explains everything, or could he be suffering from wishful thinking? 5. Some people might say this is foolish. Should you take their word for it? 6. Other people might say this is absolutely correct and important. Should you take their word for it? * * * Kids are naturally good scientists. Help them stay that way. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-07 The Persistence of Reality Here are three further data from our Scientific Correctness Survey on the topic "Does reality exist?" Investigator M.D. Sofka posed the question to several prominent philosophers while standing in the wine and cheese line at a faculty mixer. Sofka reports that he was inundated with more than just wine and cheese. Sofka spared us some of the details. We will spare you all of them. Investigator M. Gibbs informs us that the question "Does reality exist?" is covered in an economics modeling course at the University of Chicago. Investigator D. Kincade reports that "the only existing thing is irritation." ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-08 The 1997 Heisenberg Certainty Lecturers One aspect of the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony is a series of five Heisenberg Certainty Lectures. Each lecturer speaks on a topic of his or her own choosing. A time limit of 30 (thirty) seconds is strictly enforced by the Ig Nobel Referee, John Barrett. This year's Heisenberg Certainty Lecturers include: Boston University Chancellor John Silber Harvard Astronomer Melissa Franklin MIT Biologist/Psychiatrist/Engineer Jerome Lettvin Harvard Astronomer/Physicist William Press A Troika of Nobel Laureates ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-09 Ig Live Telecast (and a highlight reel!) If you plan to watch the live Internet Telecast of this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony on Thursday night, Oct. 9, please check out (www.improb.com or) or (www.eecs.harvard.edu/ig_nobel/) at least a day or so BEFORE the Ig! Don't wait till the night of the event -- you might have to do some minor software twiddling beforehand. The telecast will be via CUSeeMe (it might also be available over the MBONE -- check the web site for detials). The quality will be somewhere in the range excellent to cheesy, depending on your communications line and on your computer. ALL NECESSARY TECHNICAL INFO (or at least as much as we can manage) WILL BE POSTED ON THE WEB SITE. * * * A special three-minute video highlight reel of Ig Nobel Ceremonies past is now up and running (we think) on our web site. It was edited by Erin Delaney, and Internetified by Robert T. Morris and Andrew Pimlott. The music is from Deborah Henson- Conant's splendid "Danger Zone" from her most recent album (for further info on Deborah, see www.hipharp.com). Warm thanks and huzzahs to all of these people. * * * ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-10 Ig Informal Lectures (on the day AFTER the ceremony) As mentioned above, this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony will take place at Harvard's Sanders Theatre on Thursday evening, October 9. The following day, Friday, October 10, AIR and the Harvard- Radcliffe Science Fiction Association present a new adjunct event: The Ig Informal Lectures. These will be a series of 15-minute humorous lectures by Ig winners and others. The lectures will be held at the Harvard Science Center lecture hall C, beginning at 1:15 pm. Admission is free, but seating is limited and it's first come, first served. This year's scheduled Ig lecturers include: 1. A 1997 Ig Nobel Prize winner. 2. 1996 Ig Nobel Art Prize winner Don Featherstone, creator of the plastic pink flamingo. 3. Eric Schulman, Caroline V. Cox, and Emily Schulman: "How to Write a Scientific Research Report." 4. Karen Hopkin, creator of the Studmuffins of Science Calendar, who will propose a happy new biochemical nomenclature. 5. Prof. Jerome Lettvin, MIT, who will discuss a curious case of possible self-impregnation. 6. Jerry Reilly, Executive Director of the Museum of Bad Art. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-11 Accentuate the Negative, De-glorify the Positive The curious incident of the dog in the night-time is familiar to everyone who follows the exploits of Sherlock Holmes. (The dog did nothing in the night-time -- that was the curious incident.) In science, as elsewhere, what does not happen can be as important as what does happen. Congratulations and huzzas to the founders of a terrific new journal called "NOGO." NOGO is a sub-acronym for "Journal of Negative Observations in Genetic Oncology." NOGO's purpose is to prevent hordes of researchers from stumbling down the paths that others have already shown to be dead ends. Humble as this may sound, it is a tremendously valuable thing. Let us hope that other specialties will establish their own journals of negative results. NOGO is web-based. You can find it at http://nogo.org or www.nogo.org NOGO's founding editor, Scott Kern, can be reached at ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-12 Lava Enthusiast Investigator Andy Papp loves lava lamps. Papp writes: "I know how a lava lamp works, and why the stuff ends up as 'turds on the bottom,' and will be happy to share if anyone wants specific info. I would like to construct the world's largest lava lamp. if you can help me, I will dedicate it to AIR, and write an article about it for you." We wish him the best. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-13 Someone Doesn't Like Us We are being sued. A man named George Scherr has filed a lawsuit in federal court against our editor, Marc Abrahams, and against AIR. George wants us to (a) stop publishing AIR and (b) pay him $4.2 million. George's lawsuit contains twenty (20) pages of accusations, including conspiracy, fraud, trademark infringement, and (our favorite!) racketeering. George is acting as his own lawyer. Several years ago, George told Marc that he (George) had taken legal action against most of the people with whom he had ever had business relationships, including one of his children. George is the current publisher of The Journal of Irreproducible Results, having obtained ownership of that publication in 1994 -- some months after Marc resigned as its editor. George was also publisher of the Journal from 1964-1989; in 1989 he sold the Journal to a different publisher, against whom he then took legal action. [SOME BACKGROUND for those who are interested: The Journal of Irreproducible Results was founded in 1955 by Alex Kohn and Harry Lipkin. In 1964, George got involved, becoming the Journal's publisher, a relationship that apparently was inharmonious from the start (please do not ask Marc for details, as he knows them only second hand from Alex and Harry). Many years later, Alex and Marc co-founded the Annals of Improbable Research, with Harry as a founding editorial board member. The entire editorial staff (1955- 94) of the Journal moved to the Annals, as did most of the editorial board.] George claims that the name "Annals of Improbable Research" is deceptively similar to "Journal of Irreproducible Results" and that it infringes the trademark of the "Journal." He also claims that Marc conspired to (a) ruin the Journal while he was its editor and then later (b) pretend that the Annals is really the Journal. George also claims that the idea of having a limerick contest in the July 1995 (that's nineteen ninety-FIVE) issue of mini-AIR was copied from a 1996 (that's nineteen ninety-SIX) issue of George's magazine. George had previously claimed that neither Marc nor the Annals was "ever associated with the Ig Nobel Prize." [See the Jan 8, 1996, issue of "The Scientist" for George's full letter on this, and the January 22 and March 4 issues for responses from Marc and from two Nobel Laureates who participated in various Ig ceremonies.] Those of you who have attended the many Ig Ceremonies may have memories of Marc (and friends) creating the Ig ceremony in 1991, and of Marc serving as emcee every year. Absurd as this lawsuit is, we have no choice other than to fight it -- and fighting it WILL be expensive. While George is acting as his own lawyer, we believe the old saying that anyone who does that has a fool for a client. Therefore, we have retained an excellent law firm. The firm has agreed to defend the case at a reduced rate, but even with the reduction there will likely be thousands of dollars of legal costs (not on the Bill Clinton/Paula Jones million dollar level, but possibly enough to destroy earth's vital supply of AIR). Therefore, we proudly yet sheepishly announce: * The Strategic AIR Defense Fund * The Strategic AIR Defense Fund will be used to help defray these legal costs. Honorary co-chairs are Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, William Lipscomb, and Richard Roberts. If you would like to help us fight this improbable lawsuit (and receive a nifty certificate of thanks!), please send donations (whatever you can contribute -- $25, $50, or $100, will help) to the following address: Strategic AIR Defense Fund c/o Robert Dushman Brown, Rudnick, Freed & Gesmer One Financial Center Boston, MA 02111 If you have questions, please get in touch with Marc. (But please wait till after the Ig -- this week is VERY busy!) We plan to post George's entire complaint on our web site www.improb.com The October 2 issue of Nature has a news article about this matter. As Dave Barry would say: we are not making this up. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-14 Sing, Sing, Sing of Singmaster The controversial views of British mathematician David Singmaster -- that one should always use two spaces after a period -- continue to inspire frenzy in the halls of science. We received an anguished letter in response to Professor Singmaster's statement that "As a mathematician, the problems of typesetting and of typing mathematical text have made me aware of the problems of legibility of typescript and I am not convinced that typographers have got it right." Here is the aforementioned anguished response, with the signature reproduced faithfully: "Proof by assertion of superiority of discipline. An oft-used method, akin to proof by higher position in a hierarchy, of the family proof by authority." --Doug Merrill (not anyone in particular) ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-15 Tootsies on Display The left feet of Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, William Lipscomb, and Walter Gilbert have been cast in plaster, as have five toes from scientist/supermodel Symmetra. All of these plaster pedal extremities will be auctioned off at the 7th First Annaul Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony. (All proceeds of the auction will go to the science programs of the Cambridge public schools.) These objects are on public display until the evening of the ceremony, Thursday, October 9. Two feet and five toes are in the lobby of the Sackler Art Museum at Harvard. The other foot is at the MIT Press Bookstore in Kendall Square, Cambridge. Go ye and gawk, while you can. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-16 Announcing: The AIR book! We are improbably proud, pleased, happy, etc. to announce the publication of the "The Best of Annals of Improbable Research," Marc Abrahams, editor, W.H. Freeman, New York. It is a commendable book -- 200 or so pages long, constructed with genuine ink and paper, and containing 100% mass (both inertial AND gravitational!). It should begin appearing in bookstores in October. If your bookstore doesn't yet have it, ask, request, petition, entreat, demand, beseech, plead, implore the nice book store people to order several copies. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-17 AIRhead Project 2000 Since June, 1994, we have been compiling a list of everything that has 2000 as part of its name. Here is an item sent in from Hungary by investigator George Valas. He writes: "MM is an abbreviation for Magyar Millenium (Hungarian Millenium), the celebration of 1000th anniversary of the founding of the European-type Hungarian monarchy, of founding a permanent Hungarian state here in the Carpathian basin after many centuries of migration. But it is officially stated that MM can be read as a Roman number (2000), as well." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-18 May We Recommend Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to the many, many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) "The Dielectric Properties of Apples in the Range 0.1 to 100 kHz," F.X. Hart and W.H. Cole, "Journals of Materials Science," vol. 28, 1993, pp. 621-31. "Association between toenail selenium and risk of acute myocardial infarction in European men -- The EURAMIC study," A.F.M. Kardinaal, F.J. Kok, et al., "American Journal of Epidemiology," vol. 145, no. 4, pp. 373-9, 1997. (Thanks to Julio F. Turrens for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1997-09-19 AIRhead Events ==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com Want to host an event? E-mail to IG NOBEL FEET AND TOES *until* Thursday, Oct. 9 Plaster casts of the left feet of three Nobel Laureates, and of five toes of scientist/supermodel Symmetra are on public display at Harvard's Sackler Art Museum and at the MIT Press Bookstore (in Kendall Square, Cambridge). These items will be auctioned off a the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony. 7TH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY Thurs, Oct 9, 7:30 pm Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. The event will be recorded for later broadcast on NPR's "Science Friday"" program. TICKETS: Sanders Theatre box office, 617-496-2222 LIVE INTERNET TELECAST (you may have to twiddle your computer, so check it out at least a day in advance!): www.eecs.harvard.edu/ig_nobel/ ANNUAL IG LECTURES Fri, Oct 10, 1:15 pm Harvard Science Center lecture hall C. Lectures by Ig Nobel Prize winners and other worthies. This event is free, but seating is limited. AIR Tour of America October and ongoing Schedule to be announced. If you would like to host an event, please email 1998 WESTERN PSYCHOLOGY ASSOCIATION / ROCKY MOUNTAIN PSYCHOLOGY ASSOCIATION JOINT CONVENTION Fri, April 17, 1988, 1:00 pm Hyatt Regency Hotel, Albuquerque Convention Center, Albuquerque, NM ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-20 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improb.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-21 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is overflow from the real magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated 950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706 ----------------------------------------------------- 1997-09-22 Our Address (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/ We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it. If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a SASE in all printed correspondence. A monthly column of improbable computer-related items appears on the back page of Byte magazine. ELSEWHERE ON THE NET: * USENET: a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research --------------------------- 1997-09-23 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1997, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http://www.improb.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================