PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1997-10 October, 1997 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1997-10-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1997-10-01 Table of Contents 1997-10-02 mini-Housekeeping Notes 1997-10-03 What's New in AIR 1997-10-04 Million Microbe March 1997-10-05 The 1997 Ig Winners 1997-10-06 Hot About Cold Fusion 1997-10-07 Tower of Babel Project 2000 1997-10-08 Museum of Left Feet 1997-10-09 MIR Disclaimer 1997-10-10 Small Jerks 1997-10-11 LAWSUIT UPDATE: Someone Wants YOUR Address 1997-10-12 Welcome, Welcome! 1997-10-13 Sing, Sing, Sing a Song of Singmaster 1997-10-14 Revocation of Lather Brushes Regulation 1997-10-15 Barney: An Emotional Confrontation 1997-10-16 AIRhead Project 2000 1997-10-17 May We Recommend 1997-10-18 AIRhead Events 1997-10-19 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1997-10-20 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1997-10-21 Our Address (*) 1997-10-22 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. This is mini-AIR, a free monthly *supplement* to the print magazine Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-02 mini-Housekeeping notes 1. THE '97 IG WINNERS: are listed below in section 1997-10-05. 2. LAWSUIT: We have now posted the entire text of George Scherr's absurd anti-AIR lawsuit on our web site (www.improb.com). For an update on the latest developments in the case -- including GEORGE'S PLAN TO OBTAIN YOUR ADDRESS, see section 1997-10-11 below. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-03 What's New in AIR Here are some alluring abstracts from volume 3, number 6 (the Sept/Oct 97 issue) of the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). 3:5 is a special Parapsychology Issue. Features in the issue include: "An Astrology Chart for Bacteria," by Karen Hopkin. Despite the glut of horoscope books, there have never been any printed astrological guides for bacteria. The author has filled that void. Includes photos. "The Non-Linear Dynamics of Reincarnation," by Ben Waggoner. The author presents the first complete non-linear mathematical analysis of the dynamics of reincarnation. All previous models were linear. Among other things, he demonstrates that fractal images are literally, not just metaphorically, "pictures of God." "Biological and Biomagnetic Processes of the Subspecies Homo Sapiens Lupus," by Charles Edgar Calvert III. The author presents a classical approach to understanding physiological and anatomical changes that sometimes characterize members of the werewolf ethnic group. "NOBEL THOUGHTS: Phil Sharp," by Marc Abrahams. Nobel Laureate Sharp shares his insights about peas. And much, much more... Full text and illustrations of these and many other articles and citations (including the full citations for "Circadian sneezing" and "They do get more attractive at closing time, but only when you are not in a relationship") appear in the above-mentioned issue of AIR. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-04 Million Microbe March We are proud to announce the Million Microbe March. On December 29, 1997, a crowd of one million microbes will converge on Bethesda, Maryland. They will meet there on the lawn of the National Institutes of Health, and spend the entire day expressing solidarity, atonement, and genes. This is NOT going to be a celebration of diversity. While it is true that microbes have participated in the Million Man March, the Million Woman March, the Promisekeepers' March, and other anthropocentric marches, the Million Microbe March is just for microbes. There is a large spiritual aspect to the March. Too long have too many denied the spiritual nature of the microbial community. Too often have microbes been tormented or killed because otherwise compassionate beings denied the simple fact that microbes have souls. We ask you to please remember the official slogan of the Million Microbe March. If you or one near to you is going on the March, please chant the slogan long, loud, and often: Small is beautiful. Small is beautiful. Small is beautiful. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-05 The 1997 Ig Winners A new crop of Ig Nobel Prizewinners was honored at the Seventh First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, held on October 9 before a paper-airplane-throwing standing-room-only crowd of 1200 in Harvard University's Sanders Theatre. The event was produced by the the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), and co-sponsored by the Harvard-Radcliffe Science Fiction Association and the Harvard Computer Society and by the new book "The Best of Annals of Improbable Research" (ISBN 0-7167-3094-4). The Prizes honor achievements that "cannot or should not be reproduced." The Prizes were physically handed to the winners by several genuine Nobel Laureates, including Dudley Herschbach, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts, and Robert Wilson. A worldwide audience watched via a live Internet telecast. (The event was also recorded, and will be broadcast on National Public Radio's "Talk of the Nation / Science Friday" program on November 28, the day after American Thanksgiving.) The Nobel Laureates were active throughout the evening, in many ways. Lipscomb was given away in a Win-a-Date-With-a-Nobel- Laureate Contest. Plaster casts of the left feet of Lipscomb and Herschbach, and also that of fellow Nobel Laureate Walter Gilbert, were auctioned off for the benefit of the Cambridge public schools science programs. All the laureates joined soprano Margot Button and Baritone Benjamin Sears in the world premiere of a new mini- opera ("Il Kaboom Grosso") about the big bang. Foremost among the eight Heisenberg Certainty Lecturers was Boston University Chancellor John Silber. Dr. Silber's topic was "A History of Free Speech from Early Times to the Present." Dr. Silber exceeded the 30-second Heisenberg time limit, and was ejected by the referee. Here is a list of the 1997 Ig winners: BIOLOGY: T. Yagyu and his colleagues from the University Hospital of Zurich, Switzerland, from Kansai Medical University in Osaka, Japan, and from Neuroscience Technology Research in Prague, Czech Republic, for measuring people's brainwave patterns while they chewed different flavors of gum. [Published as "Chewing gum flavor affects measures of global complexity of multichannel EEG," T. Yagyu, et al., "Neuropsychobiology," vol. 35, 1997, pp. 46-50.] ENTOMOLOGY: Mark Hostetler of the University of Florida, for his scholarly book, "That Gunk on Your Car," which identifies the insect splats that appear on automobile window. [The book is published by Ten Speed Press. Mark Hostetler came to the ceremony to accept the prize. He also delivered a talk the following day at the Ig Informal Lectures.] ASTRONOMY: Richard Hoagland of New Jersey, for identifying artificial features on the moon and on Mars, including a human face on Mars and ten-mile high buildings on the far side of the moon. [For details, see "The Monuments of Mars: A City on the Edge of Forever," by Richard C. Hoagland, North Atlantic Books, Berkeley, CA,1996.] COMMUNICATIONS: Sanford Wallace, president of Cyber Promotions of Philadelphia -- neither rain nor sleet nor dark of night have stayed this self-appointed courier from delivering electronic junk mail to all the world. PHYSICS: John Bockris of Texas A&M University, for his wide- ranging achievements in cold fusion, in the transmutation of base elements into gold, and in the electrochemical incineration of domestic rubbish. LITERATURE: Doron Witztum, Eliyahu Rips and Yoav Rosenberg of Israel, and Michael Drosnin of the United States, for their hairsplitting statistical discovery that the Bible contains a secret, hidden code. [Witztum, Rips and Rosenberg's original research was published as "Equidistant Letter Sequences in the Book of Genesis," "Statistical Science," Vol. 9, No. 3, 1994, pp. 429-38. Drosnin's popular book, "The Bible Code," was published by Simon & Schuster.] MEDICINE: Carl J. Charnetski and Francis X. Brennan, Jr. of Wilkes University, and James F. Harrison of Muzak Ltd. in Seattle, Washington, for their discovery that listening to elevator Muzak stimulates immunoblobulin A (IgA) production, and thus may help prevent the common cold. ECONOMICS: Akihiro Yokoi of Wiz Company in Chiba, Japan and Aki Maita of Bandai Company in Tokyo, the father and mother of Tamagotchi, for diverting millions of person-hours of work into the husbandry of virtual pets. PEACE: Harold Hillman of the University of Surrey, England for his lovingly rendered and ultimately peaceful report "The Possible Pain Experienced During Execution by Different Methods." [Published in "Perception 1993," vol 22, pp. 745-53. The day after the ceremony, Dr. Hillman telephoned to say that "I'd like to come to the ceremony next year, if I'm alive. If I'm dead, I probably won't come."] METEOROLOGY: Bernard Vonnegut of the State University of Albany, for his revealing report, "Chicken Plucking as Measure of Tornado Wind Speed." [Published in "Weatherwise," October 1975, p. 217. NOTE: Bernard Vonnegut passed away in the spring of 1997. His son Peter came to the ceremony to accept the prize. A further note of interest: Bernard was the older brother of novelist Kurt Vonnegut.] A full report on the ceremony will appear in the Jan/Feb 1998 issue of AIR. We will be posting other press clippings on our web site (www.improb.com). If you see a press clipping in a print publication, we would appreciate your sending us a copy. We are now accepting nominations for next year's Ig Nobel Prizes. Please send your entries to . ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-06 Hot About Cold Fusion Investigator Alan Berick, Ph.D. writes: "I have just looked over the awards for the Ig Nobel prizes for 1997. I don't believe that John Bockris of Texas A&M belongs with the rest. I believe that his work in Cold Fusion will come back to haunt you someday." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-07 Tower of Babel Project 2000 The staff of the Universal History Translation Project (UHTP) is pleased to announce a further solicitation for translations of "The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less" (AIR Jan/Feb 1997). The History has now been translated into Afrikaans, Brazilian Portuguese, Catalan, Czech, Danish, Dutch, English, Esperanto, Estonian, Finnish, French, Galego, German, Italian, Occitan, Portuguese, Spanish, Swedish, and Welsh. Only one more translation is necessary before "The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less in 20 Languages or More" can be published in AIR. Contact Eric Schulman , the UHTP project manager. The UHTP homepage can be found at http://www.cv.nrao.edu/~eschulma/histcom.html ---------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-08 Museum of Left Feet We have been granted the privilege of heralding the founding of The Museum of Left Feet. Located in scenic Cambridge, Massachusetts, the Museum will house plaster casts of left feet. At present it contains two such feet, one cast from the left foot of Nobel Laureate Sheldon Glashow, the other cast from the left pedal apparatus of Nobel Laureate William Lipscomb. They were purchased by the Museum's founder, Gordon Bennett, at Ig Nobel Prize Ceremonies in 1996 and 1997. The official opening has not yet been scheduled. The new Museum will be informally affiliated with the Museum of Improbable Research (MIR). Until the new museum's acquisitions facility is completed, anyone who wishes to donate items (clean feet ONLY, please) is requested to get in touch with us. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-09 MIR Disclaimer The MIR orbital research facility is in no way affiliated with the Museum of Improbable Research (MIR). Any perceived resemblance is serendipitous. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-10 Small Jerks Investigator Renate A. Wesselingh writes in to recommend that all concerned parties attend a talk sponsored by the New England Molecular Evolutionists: Date: November 1 Place: Osborn Memorial Laboratory, Yale University, New Haven, CT 9:00-10:30 Invited Talks - Main Lecture Hall, Rm 200 Dr. Lin Chao, University of Maryland "Fisher, Wright and evolution by small jerks" ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-11 LAWSUIT UPDATE: Someone Wants YOUR Address George Scherr, the man who is suing Marc Abrahams and AIR (see below), apparently has plans to obtain your email address -- and if he can find a way, your name, your mailing address, and your phone number as well. Here are details. George, as usual acting as his own lawyer, spent two days (and plans to continue for who knows how long) taking a formal deposition from Marc. During the deposition, George said that he intends to use the lawsuit process to obtain a complete list of mini-AIR subscribers. George also expressed a desire to obtain your mailing address and phone number, and expressed unhappiness and skepticism when told that the mini-AIR list consists only of email addresses and, in many cases, the names people specified when they added themselves to the list. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS: 1. Does AIR want to give my address (and possibly my name) to George Scherr or to anyone else? >>> No. If you have been reading mini-AIR for any length of time, you know that we have been campaigning AGAINST electronic junk mailers and their unsolicited use of people's addresses. Many of you have specifically requested that we not give out your addresses. We will give this information to George Scherr only if the court orders us to do so. 2. What does George Scherr intend to do with my email address and my name? >>> We don't know. 3. What can I do to prevent George Scherr from making use of my email address and possibly my name? >>> For obvious reasons, we are not going to recommend that you do or not do anything as regards George Scherr. However, in any event, please do not let George's yearnings or the lawsuit deter you from reading (and perhaps writing for) mini-AIR or AIR! BACKGROUND ON THE LAWSUIT (in case you missed it)............. As reported here last month, George Scherr has filed a lawsuit against our editor, Marc Abrahams, and against AIR. George wants us to (a) stop publishing AIR and (b) pay him $4.2 million. George's lawsuit contains twenty (20) pages of accusations, including conspiracy, fraud, trademark infringement, and (still our favorite!) racketeering. George is acting as his own lawyer. George told Marc several years ago that he (George) had taken legal action against most of the people with whom he had ever had business relationships, including one of his children. George is the current (since 1994) publisher of the Journal of Irreproducible Results -- in 1994 the founders and entire (1955-1994) editorial staff of the Journal resigned and created the Annals of Improbable Research. Marc was the editor of the Journal from 1990-94. If you would like to help us defray the legal expenses of fighting this absurd, improbable lawsuit (and receive a nifty certificate of thanks!), please send donations (whatever you can contribute -- $25, $50, or $100, will help) to the following address: Strategic AIR Defense Fund c/o Robert Dushman Brown, Rudnick, Freed & Gesmer One Financial Center Boston, MA 02111 Honorary co-chairs of the Defense Fund are Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, William Lipscomb, and Richard Roberts. If you have questions, please get in touch with Marc. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-12 Welcome, Welcome! We extend a warm "welcome, welcome" to the newest regular reader of mini-AIR: Mr. George Scherr. During a recent legal proceeding, George showed us that he has gone to the trouble of printing out copies of each and every issue of mini-AIR. Apparently, George so enjoys mini-AIR that he also demanded, through the lawsuit, that we give him *additional* printed copies of all of those same copies of mini-AIR. We have done so. Now George has at least two printed copies of every issue. And we personally witnessed that George enjoys reading aloud, from virtually every issue, the portions of mini-AIR that are repeated verbatim in every issue. Such devotion to fine literature is to be commended. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-13 Sing, Sing, Sing a Song of Singmaster October is International ASCII Month. In celebration, we present a hiatus in our long-running coverage of the controversy aroused by British mathematician David Singmaster. Singmaster daringly published his view -- published it in an earlier issue of this very publication -- that one should always use two spaces after a period. We urge the public to use this time to calm down and reflect on its frenzied behavior. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-14 Revocation of Lather Brushes Regulation Investigators Glenn Farber and Ron Josephson alerted us to a document that is available from the US Federal Register Online via GPO Access [wais.access.gpo.gov or www.access.gpo.gov/]. Please disseminate this extracted information (below) to anyone who may be in need: 21 CFR Part 1240 [Docket No. 97N-0418] Revocation of Lather Brushes Regulation AGENCY: Food and Drug Administration, HHS. ACTION: Proposed rule. SUMMARY: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is proposing to revoke its regulation pertaining to the treatment, sterilization, handling, storage, marking, and inspection of lather brushes. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION CONTACT: Philip L. Chao, Policy Development and Coordination Staff (HF-23), Food and Drug Administration, 5600 Fishers Lane, Rockville, MD 20857, 301-827- 3380. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-15 Barney: An Emotional Confrontation Strong reactions are being provoked by our new book, "The Best of Annals of Improbable Research" (Marc Abrahams, editor, W.H. Freeman Publishers, New York). After a book signing this month, Marc wandered by a display booth maintained by the company that produces the Barney television show. The woman in the booth was standing beside a large plush Barney doll. Marc was carrying a glass specimen jar containing a Barney in formaldehyde. The woman glared at the specimen jar and said, "That's pretty weird." Marc pointed to the large plush Barney doll, muttering, "And that's not?" Marc thereupon presented the woman with an autographed copy of the AIR book, opened the book to the article titled "The Taxonomy of Barney," and disengaged from the encounter. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-16 AIRhead Project 2000 Since June, 1994, we have been compiling a list of everything that has 2000 as part of its name. Here are some randomly selected items: ITEM 888-88-8 (submitted by investigator T.F. Divens) AD 2000 CARBON FIBRE FOUNTAIN PEN, manufactured by Alfred Dunhill. ITEM CN99F (submitted by investigator Maciej Soltynski) 410-2000, the telephone number of the Chief Engineer, Planning, Municipal Traffic Control, Provincial Administration, Western Cape (South Africa). ITEM MC509322232-113 (submitted by investigator Richard Murnane) MORSE 2000 WORLD CONFERENCE, held October 25-26, 1997, in Bloomington, Minnesota. ITEM 7208-GG (submitted by investigator Susan the Neon Nurse) FASHION FORCE 2000, a new TV action drama that will star former Baywatch object Pamela Anderson Lee. ITEM HNMI-2K (submitted by investigator Muriel Hykes) GEISINGER 2000, the logo on badges worn by some employees at the Geisinger regional hospital in Pennsylvania. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-17 May We Recommend Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to the many, many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) PATCHY EVIDENCE "Biochemical Evidence that Patched is the Hedgehog Receptor," V. Marigo, R.A. Davey, Y. Zuo, J.M. Cunningham, and C.J. Tabin, "Nature," vol. 384, 1996, pp. 176-9. (Thanks to Lilly T. Fryman for bringing this to our attention.) MONOTONIC MEDICOS "Sartorial Eloquence: Does It Exist in the Paediatrician-Patient Relationship?," T.G. Barrett and I.W. Booth, "British Medical Journal," vol. 309, 1994, pp. 1710-2. (Thanks to Mark Featherstonehaugh for bringing this to our attention.) The author states: "Advice to junior doctors might be that, if they are lacking self confidence, a white coat may give an air of competence and concern; casual clothes make them appear friendly but not competent. These findings may be helpful to doctors in deciding what to wear in everyday hospital practice." A COLD ODYSSEY "Cycling around the South Pole," Xiaojun Yuan, Mark A. Cane and Douglas G. Martinson, "Nature," vol. 380, April 25, 1996, pp. 673- 4. (Thanks to E.K. Ramanan for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1997-10-18 AIRhead Events ==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com Want to host an event? E-mail to HMO BLACK EVENT, Harvard University Wed, November 18, 7 pm Sponsored by EPIC, the Harvard undergrad organization concerned with/about managed health care. (Building/room yet to be specified.) Please see the Schedule portion of our web site www.improb.com or send email to our autoresponder info@improb.com or contact Enko Kiprilov 617-496-3802 or Nicole Rogers IG BROADCAST ON SCIENCE FRIDAY Fri, Nov 28 NPR's "Talk of the Nation / Science Friday" program with Ira Flatow. Annual broadcast of an edited version of the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony. AIR Tour of America Schedule to be announced. If you would like to host an event, please email AAAS ANNUAL MEETING Sat, Feb 14, evening 8:45 pm, Marriott Hotel, Philadelphia. AIR authors Marc Abrahams, Earle Spamer, Len Finegold, Eric Schulman, et al. will present their annual special session as part of the American Association for the Advancement of Science annual meeting. MIT Special Event. February (date/place to be announced) Details TBA. 1998 WESTERN PSYCHOLOGY ASSOCIATION / ROCKY MOUNTAIN PSYCHOLOGY ASSOCIATION JOINT CONVENTION Fri, April 17, 1988, 1:00 pm Hyatt Regency Hotel, Albuquerque Convention Center, Albuquerque, NM ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-19 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improb.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-20 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is overflow from the real magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated 950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706 ----------------------------------------------------- 1997-10-21 Our Address (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/ We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it. If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a SASE in all printed correspondence. A monthly column of improbable computer-related items appears on the back page of Byte magazine. ELSEWHERE ON THE NET: * USENET: a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research --------------------------- 1997-10-22 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1997, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http://www.improb.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================