PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1998-08 August, 1998 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1998-08-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1998-08-01 Table of Contents 1998-08-02 mini-Housekeeping 1998-08-03 What's New in AIR 1998-08-04 Anti-Buzz Beer 1998-08-05 AIRhead PetBank: Alikability 1998-08-06 Sentence of Death: "Tological Reification" 1998-08-07 1998 Ig Nobel Ceremony -- Details 1998-08-08 Research Query: Multiplicity 1998-08-09 The Scoop on the Weather 1998-08-10 Evolution and Alabama 1998-08-11 Further Cat Twists 1998-08-12 Tea Controversy: Oral Straining 1998-08-13 AIR Vents (exhalations from our readers) 1998-08-14 Project AIRhead Former-2000 1998-08-15 Project AIRhead 2000 1998-08-16 May We Recommend 1998-08-17 AIRhead Events 1998-08-18 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1998-08-19 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1998-08-20 Our Address (*) 1998-08-21 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. This is mini-AIR, a free monthly *e-supplement* to the print magazine Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). ---------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-02 mini-Housekeeping 1. IG DETAILS Tickets for the Ig Nobel ceremony go on sale this month. See Section 98-08-07 for details about Ig tickets, broadcast info, etc. 2. WEB ARCHIVES The web archive of gems from AIR is now up-to-date for all back issues. Thanks to our new archivist Dawnne Gee, you can see all sorts of horrid delights (including the dropped cat experiment) at (http://www.improbable.com) ---------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-03 What's New in AIR The inner recesses of your mind suggest that you subscribe to the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). The Sept/Oct 98 issue (vol. 4, no. 5) will be a special Social Sciences Issue. The contents include: "Notes from an Expedition to the Cellfoan People," by David D. Levine. This is the first anthropological description of newly found tribes, each of whose members carry a totemic object. They apparently use these objects to communicate with the gods. "The Genetic Basis of Personality," by David Schlinkert. The author uses genetic analysis to gain insight into a question that is much debated among scholars: "Why are all men jerks, and why are nice guys so boring?" "The World's First Ever Real Life Experiments," by Steve Nadis. The author conducts first-hand experiments by wandering the streets of his town. The results speak for themselves, if at all. | FOR FULL TEXT (including lurid photographs) | | OF THE ARTICLES ABSTRACTED HERE | | SEE THE ACTUAL ISSUE OF AIR. | The full table of contents appears in the issue itself, and will also be posted soon on http://www.improbable.com. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-04 Anti-Buzz Beer Investigator Earle Spamer spied this item (presented here in toto) in the "Philadelphia City Paper," August 14-20, 1998, p. 16. It presents a scientific advance of great import: "Bulgaria's Lomsko Pivo brewery announced it has developed a beer that will neutralize the effects of radiation in humans. Targeted for workers at nuclear power plants, the brew is nonalcoholic." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-05 AIRhead PetBank: Alikability Last month we described our new consumer service, the AIRhead PetBank. The PetBank replaces your expired or worn-out pet. Keep a cell scraping on file with us and we clone up replacement copies as needed. This month we describe one of the important side- benefits. ALIKABILITY. In addition to assuring your personal happiness, the PetBank will also conduct an ongoing scientific experiment. As a PetBank customer, you can take part. For generations, people have debated the influence of nature versus nurture in shaping personality. Replacement pets will let us address that question. The AIRhead PetBank will be supplying generation upon generation of cloned pets to your happy home. Nature's influence in shaping their personalities will be minimized. So whatever personality differences you observe between Fluffy, Fluffy 2, Fluffy 3, and any of the other Fluffy clones will be attributable to differences in their environments. (Certain disclaimers apply here.) As the pet generations succeed each other, you can teach yourself to be a better pet owner. This is home schooling at its reproducible best. COMPETITION. The AIRhead PetBank does have competitors -- and we welcome them. Investigator Tony Lima writes that "Around last Christmas, I heard an ad on the radio for a clinic in San Diego that was providing exactly this service. I'm sorry, but PetBank is about 8 months too late." Investigator John Chalmers has made a similar discovery: "Canine Cryobank, Inc. of Escondido, CA already has a tissue harvesting kit on the market and will store harvested cells in liquid N2. For more details, call Caroline Scott Bardwick at (760) 739 1091. The URL www.prodogs.com/DSN/K9CRYOBK may also work." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-06 Sentence of Death: "Tological Reification" Investigator David Rind unearthed this month's entry in the Sentence of Death Contest. (The contest seeks examples of the very worst, most needlessly incomprehensible, sentence from a published scientific report.) It comes from the article "Health information, privacy, confidentiality and ethics," Eike-Henner W. Kluge, "International Journal of Bio-Medical Computing, vol. 35 (Suppl. 1) (1994), pp. 23-7. The abstract begins with this sentence: "Electronic patient records are becoming tologically reified entities that play the role of epistemic patient analogues in information space." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-07 1998 Ig Nobel Ceremony -- Details The Eighth First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony will take place on Thursday night, October 8, at Harvard's Sanders Theatre. Prizes will be awarded in ten categories for "achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced. Several Nobel Laureates will be on hand to help honor the winners. The event is produced by the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), and co-sponsored by the Harvard Computer Society (HCS), The Harvard-Radcliffe Science Fiction Association (HRSFA), and the magnificent book "The Best of Annals of Improbable Research." THEME: The theme of this year's ceremony is "Duct Tape." There will be many tributes to that most scientifical substance, including a duct tape opera and a duct tape fashion show. KEYNOTE SPEAKERS: This year we will have two keynote speakers: * Emily Rosa, youngest person to have a research paper published in a major medical journal (See JAMA, 4/1/98) and * Troy Hurtubise, who built and tested a suit of armor that protects him against grizzly bears. (See the documentary film "The Grizzly Project." http://www.nfb.ca/E/4/troy.html) Troy will bring his bear suit. RELATED EVENTS: There will be two and a half related events. * FRIDAY, OCT. 9. (Time and location to be announced.) The Ig Lectures will feature Emily Rosa, Troy Hurtubise (and his bear suit), and several of this year's Ig winners. * FRIDAY EVENING, OCT. 9. The Harvard Film Archive will have a special showing of "The Grizzly Project." Troy and his bear suit will be present. (There will also be a showing on SATURDAY EVENING, OCT. 9, but without Troy.) DELEGATION TICKETS: If you wish to bring a delegation (4-12 people in costumes) and be a celebrated part of the official entrance parade, get in touch with Margaret Ann (mag@mit.edu or 617-253- 0217), Ed (eaj@mit.edu or 617-253-5030), or Dee (deedc@mit.edu or 617-253-5543) ASAP. ==> DELEGATION APPLICATIONS MUST BE RECEIVED BY SEPT 23. INDIVIDUAL TICKETS. Tickets for the Eighth First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony will go on sale on August 25, at the Sanders Theatre Box Office (617-496-2222). The ceremony will be held Thursday evening, October 8 at Harvard's Sanders Theatre. ==> THE IG ALWAYS SELLS OUT, SO GET YOUR TICKETS SOON! TELEVISION (LIVE). The Ceremony will be telecast live on the Internet. As always, the eminent Robert T. Morris will engineer the broadcast. COLLEGE RADIO (LIVE). The ceremony be broadcast live on Harvard radio WHRB 95.3FM. If your college station would like to link up to the WHRB network for this event, please email Cliff Chen at NPR SPECIAL (EDITED). A specially edited version will be broadcast in November on NPR's "Talk of the Nation / Science Friday with Ira Flatow" program. FULL DETAILS WILL BE POSTED ON THE AIR WEB SITE http://www.improbable.com ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-08 Research Query: Multiplicity One wonders what is the most number of co-authors (of a single research paper) with the same family name. Please send pertinent citations to Please send pertinent citations to ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-09 The Scoop on the Weather The March/April 1998 issue (vol. 4, no. 2) of Annals of Improbable Research contained David Schultz's landmark study, "Does It Rain More Often on Weekends?" Schultz examined 40 years' worth of meteorological data for the continental United States. He concluded that there are alternating broad bands of territory, some of which receive excess rain on weekends, others of which suffer relative drought. Five months after Schultz's report shook the scientific world, the respected British journal Nature (vol. 394, August 6, 1998) published a report by R.S. Cerveny and R.C. Balling, Jr., entitled "Weekly cycles of air pollutants, precipitation and tropical cyclones in the coastal NW Atlantic region. Cerveny and Balling found that: "Specifically, satellite-based precipitation estimates indicate that near-coastal ocean areas receive significantly more precipitation at weekends than on weekdays...." Cerveny and Balling's report fails to cite the pathbreaking work of Schultz. We hope and trust that this is due to a typographical error, rather than to a deliberate failure to credit their illustrious predecessor. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-10 Evolution and Alabama Last month's Scientific Correctness Survey asked: Some people, including Alabama Governor Fob James, claim that Darwin's theory of evolution is dead wrong. This month's question is: Did human beings evolve from ape-like creatures? __Yes __No __Not in Alabama __Other (please specify) The votes poured in, especially from Alabama. The final result: 59% said yes 03% said No 62% said Not in Alabama 54% said Other, sometimes quite emphatically. Many respondents cast votes for multiple categories. One respondent mailed us a photograph of his brother. Several respondents from Alabama described an "educational ape imitation" that Governor James once performed in front of the state legislature. All in all, many things were made clear. Here are some of them. Investigator Sherry McDonald: "Yes...Darwin was right and the governor is in denial." Investigator Hershl Hartman: "Where in the Bible does it say that? Certainly not in Gen. 1:27 'A male and female He created them' or in Gen 2:22 'And Yave Elohim fashioned the rib that he had taken from the man into a woman.' With such clear evidence before us, how can Darwin possibly be right?" Investigator John Wilson: "Since the question is inspired, if we can use that word, by a government official, the answer "yes" is close enough for government work." Investigator Richard Platel: "I cannot understand the continuing controversy over this issue. It is obvious to any rational person that if two groups of people hold strong, opposing viewpoints, then the truth must lie precisely between them (this is a well known mathematical theorem.) Obviously then, dumb animals evolved up to a certain point, at which time, a divine being created humans." Investigator Anthony Kinney: "The correct answer is some human beings (Homo sapiens) evolved from apes. Fob James and others (Homo amoebo) evolved directly from unicellular organisms and they are now using that cell for brains." Investigator Raymond Craig Thompson: "No! Human beings were created as was all life on earth. There has been no proof found supporting the theory of evolution, but to the contrary all things point towards creation being the only feasible answer to where life came from." Oddly named investigator Alan B: "We still are ape like creatures. Evolution would be a good idea right now." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-11 Further Cat Twists Scientific Correctness Survey #21 raised the delicate issue: Why do cats sleep twisted on their backs? Theories continue to deluge us. Here are a few more: Kirsten Emmott: "Because cats are fundamentally liquids. Thus they assume random, rounded shapes, like puddles." C. D. Tavares: "Because sleep increases their insensitivity to pain." Kevin Randolph (and numerous other investigators): "Because they feel like it." James G. Ahlberg: "Cats sleep lying twisted on their backs so as to offer their throats to passing predators. They would rather die than have their sleep disturbed." Laura Peebles: Because their job description, in the greater scheme of things, is to do things incomprehensible to the human race. In addition to cats sleeping on their backs, they chase invisible and (we assume) inedible objects, purr loudly while stomping on the soft parts of our bodies, bring us dead animals that we don't eat, and eat food that they could never catch in the wild (when was the last time you saw a feral cat dragging home a tuna from a deep-sea fishing trip?). Most of these behaviours have no obvious evolutionary advantages to a cat. Therefore, these behaviours are directed at us, and our evolutionary survival." M. en C. Eduardo René Rodríguez Avila: "I realized that only a cat could answer this question. So, I ask to my cat Neenah. She was sleeping so, after woke up, she only said "Why not? Go away and let me sleep". ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-12 Tea Controversy: Oral Straining Our Scientific Correctness Survey #22 asked: What is the proper way to make a cup of tea? Here are two methods recommended by investigator Jim Kennedy: "Tea takes to long to prepare the "approved" way found on the tea bag instructions. Follow either of these techniques for the "express" methods: "Get hot water from coffee machine to avoid wasting time. Immerse tea bag in water. Flog tea bag with coffee stirrer until it ruptures. Drink tea while straining through either moustache or teeth. Pick tea leaves out of moustache or teeth or both when finished. "Or use the "West Virginia Technique": Carry tea bags in back pocket of jeans until they wear a familiar faded pattern into the jeans. Remove bag from pocket. Place a "pinch between cheek & gum" (or for a "major leaguer" use whole bag). Carry a cup or empty pop can with you to expectorate into." More next time. (So many good protocols have come in that we are planning to have a Special Tea and Coffee Issue of AIR some time next year.) ---------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-13 AIR Vents (exhalations from our readers) PET PEEVE Several keen-eyed readers were disturbed by this passage from last month's mini-AIR: >The members of this family, popularly known as "Chia >pets," may be a missing link between plants and animals. Each >spends part of its life in a an animal phase, and part in an >animal phase. (Includes photos.) Investigator Jeff Hermes puts the problem thusly: "Is it supposed to be in "an animal phase and a vegetable phase"? Or perhaps more accurately, "in an animal vase and a vegetable phase"? Although I suppose with respect to the latter, it really remains in both vase and phase throughout the mature stages of its life..." SELF-ADVANCEMENT Investigator Iain Noble writes with hope and joy: "I note that the July issue of mini-AIR contains news that the next Ig Nobel ceremony is on October 8th 1998. This is my 49th birthday, do I get a prize (especially given my name - I'll even adopt the middle name Garth to comply)." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-14 Project AIRhead Former-2000 Here is another selection from our ever-growing collection of things that once had 2000 in their names, but no longer do. ITEM 5409 (submitted by investigator Tuomas Salo) The popular science magazine called TIEDE 2000 ('Science 2000'). has become simply TIEDE. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-15 Project AIRhead 2000 Here are further selections from our ever-growing collection of things that have 2000 in their names. ITEM 7920 (submitted by investigator Frank Nice and his cat, Ford) GOLF 2000 WITH PETER JACOBSEN, a syndicated half-hour TV show that made its debut on June 6, 1998, and is shown in about 85% of the USA. ITEM H407 (submitted by investigator Greg B. Titus) "CHILI FRITO PIE 2000", on the menu of the Home Planet Cafe, in Santa Fe, NM. Titus reports: " It's pretty much a standard Frito Chili Pie. For those unfamiliar with this dish, it's red chili poured over Fritos (tm), topped with lettuce and tomato. It is traditionally made, and served, in a personal-sized package of Fritos corn chips. I don't know why they got the name backwards." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-16 May We Recommend Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (This item is in addition to the many, many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) MORPHO-NUTS "Relationships of chestnut species and New Zealand chestnut selections using morpho-nut characters," N.C. Oraguzie, D.L. McNeil, D.J. Klinac, and J.R. Sedcole, "Euphytica," vol. 99, no. 1, 1998, pp. 27-33. (Thanks to Renate Wesselingh for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1998-08-17 AIRhead Events ==> Want to host an event? E-mail to or call 617-491-4437. ALTERNATIVELY, please call W.H. Freeman Publishers, the publisher of the book "Best of AIR," at 212-576-9423 ==> For updates of this schedule, For updates of this schedule, see http://www.improbable.com/projects/schedule.txt 1998 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY Thurs, Oct 8 7:20 pm. Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. Tickets go on sale August 25 from the Sanders Theatre Box Office 617-496-2222. Live Internet telecast and live college radio network broadcast. Related activities: Thurs, 7:30 pm -- The 1998 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony Fri -- The Ig Lectures (time and location to be announced) Fri evening -- Special showing of the film "The Grizzly Project," with special appearance by Ig keynote speaker Troy Hurtubise and his bear suit. (There will be another showing on Sat evening, but without Troy or his suit) WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY, ST. LOUIS Wed, Oct 21 Time and location to be announced. INFO: Carl M. Bender SCIENCE FRIDAY SPECIAL IG BROADCAST Thurs, Nov. 27 Special edited radio version of the Ig ceremony on NPR's "Talk of the Nation/Science Friday" program with Ira Flatow. Check local station for time. (Broadcast also available in many other countries) LOS ANGELES, Various events TBA January 1999 Please contact 617-491-4437 if you would like to host an event. ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-18 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improbable.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-19 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is a tiny supplement to the magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ----------------------------------------------------- 1998-08-20 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com GENERAL INFO (auto-responder): info@improb.com WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improbable.com/ ELSEWHERE ON THE NET: * USENET: a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research --------------------------- 1998-08-21 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1998, Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@best.com) http://www.improbable.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki Sorel MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================