PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1998-09 September, 1998 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1998-09-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1998-09-01 Table of Contents 1998-09-02 mini-Housekeeping 1998-09-03 What's New in AIR 1998-09-04 New Physics: Energy Got Rhythm 1998-09-05 Clone After Clone 1998-09-06 Impenetrable Penetration 1998-09-07 1998 Ig Nobel -- Imminent Details 1998-09-08 Multiplicity of Monickers 1998-09-09 Take a Stand on Moss 1998-09-10 High Tea, Low Tea 1998-09-11 Cat Twist Insight 1998-09-12 AIR Vents: Kluge 1998-09-13 Project AIRhead Former-2000 1998-09-14 Project AIRhead 2000 1998-09-15 May We Recommend 1998-09-16 AIRhead Events 1998-09-17 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1998-09-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1998-09-19 Our Address (*) 1998-09-20 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the magnificent bi-monthly print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-02 mini-Housekeeping 1. IG, IG, IG --- The Ig Nobel Ceremony is on Thurs, Oct 8. The IG Lectures are on Fri, Oct 9. Details below. 2. ARCHIVES --- The AIR back-issue web archive is now up-to-date, thanks to our new archivist Dawnne Gee. It includes the dropped cat experiment. (http://www.improbable.com) 3. AIR SHOWS --- Upcoming AIR events will be in St. Louis, Ontario, Los Angeles, and Texas (details below). Want one of your own? Let us know. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-03 What's New in AIR The inner recesses of your mind suggest that you subscribe to the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). The Sept/Oct 98 issue (vol. 4, no. 5) is a special Social Sciences Issue. The contents include: "The Original Beavis," courtesy of the Mutter Museum, Philadelphia. This photo of an obsolete ovum graces the cover of AIR. It resembles -- with disturbing exactitude -- the revered cartoon character Beavis. "The Individual's Perception of the Effects of Problem Gambling: A First-Hand Study," by Steven Rushen. The author describes his daring and noble effort to make a breakthrough in social science. "What Are They Doing? (Psychology)," by Alice Shirrell Kaswell. The author describes her visit to the recent joint conference of the Western Psychological Association and the Rocky Mountain Psychological Association. [This article is posted on the AIR web site] "Book Review: For Dummies(r), the Advanced Series." by Carmen J. Giunta. The author reviews ""Aeronautics and Astronautics for Dummies," "Brain Surgery for Dummies," and "Quantum Mechanics for Dummies." [This article is posted on the AIR web site] "Nobel Thoughts: Arthur Kornberg," by Marc Abrahams. This interview with the 1959 Nobel Medicine Laureate explores his secrets for deciding when to rely on -- and when to ignore -- TV weather reports. Several articles from the issue, as well as the full table of contents, is posted on the AIR web site http://www.improbable.com. | FOR FULL TEXT (including lurid photographs) | | OF THE ARTICLES ABSTRACTED HERE | | SEE THE ACTUAL ISSUE OF AIR. | ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-04 New Physics: Energy Got Rhythm Another scholar of commercial advertising has discovered an intriguing recent change in the classical physics relationship between the concepts of energy, force, and power. Investigator Alan Cobo-Lewis reports that: "In Amoco's soundbite promoting their sponsorship of a Gershwin celebration that aired on public radio this week, a spokesman intoned 'Energy is more than force. It's power.'" ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-05 Clone After Clone Competitors are popping up everywhere in apparent response to our AIRhead PetBank service. (The PetBank was announced in recent issues of mini-AIR. The service replaces your expired or worn-out pet. Keep a cell scraping on file with us and we clone up replacement copies as needed.) Last month brought news of Escondido-based "Canine Cryobank, Inc., which claims to store harvested cells in liquid N2. TEXAS A&M Many readers (Madeleine Page, Phil Stuntz, Dan Birchall, John Schoonover, et al.) alerted us to the arrival of another upstart, Dr. Mark Westhusin, Director of Cloning at Texas A&M University. Press reports indicate that an anonymous wealthy donor has contributed several million dollars in hopes of creating an exact replica of his (the donor's) "beloved Alsatian-Border Collie cross called Missy." JESUS WAS A CLONE Investigator Andrew Walters and others kindly brought to our attention a remarkable Las-Vegas-based firm called CloneAid, which offers a service called ClonaPet. See http://www.clonaid.com for details. Founded by a gentleman (or, perhaps more accurately, an entity) named Rael, who is head of the Raelian religion, which is based in Montreal, and which discovered that aliens from outer space brought DNA to the earth, and which also mad the breakthrough discovery that "Jesus was a clone," this remarkable organization is offering to fund anyone who will seriously engage in human cloning. ClonAid has publicly offered funding to renowned cloning pioneer Richard Seed of Chicago. mini-AIR has been in contact with Dr. Seed, who appears to be proceeding independently, and who recently announced that he will begin his operations by cloning himself. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-06 Impenetrable Penetration This month's entry in the Sentence of Death Contest was submitted by investigator Dave P. Hammer. It can be found in a requirements document (F33615-84-C-0102) for Electronic Warfare equipment, i.e., "radar jammers": In addition to determining the incremental improvement to penetrativity of the penetrator with the penetration aid incorporated, over the penetrativity of the baseline U.S. penetrator, this assessment shall include consideration of penetration aid costs as described under task 1, availability, penetrator modifications required, and technical risk. Hammer writes, "One would think that with all this penetration going on, *somebody* should be having some fun." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-07 1998 Ig Nobel -- Imminent Details The Eighth First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony will take place on Thursday night, October 8, at Harvard's Sanders Theatre. Prizes will be awarded in ten categories for "achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced. Nobel Laureates Herschbach, Lipscomb, Roberts, Glashow, et perhaps al., will hand the prizes to the winners. The Ig is produced by the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), and co-sponsored by the Harvard Computer Society (HCS), The Harvard-Radcliffe Science Fiction Association (HRSFA), the magnificent book "The Best of Annals of Improbable Research," and Manco, proud suppliers of Duck(R) Tape. DUCT TAPE: The theme of this year's ceremony is "DUCT TAPE." Tributes include a duct tape fashion show (featuring PINK FLAMINGO INVENTOR DON FEATHERSTONE and his wife, NANCY), the world's largest roll of duct tape, duct tape researcher MAX SHERMAN, and the world premiere of the new mini-opera "La Forza del Duct Tape," starring New Zealand's own MARGOT BUTTON. KEYNOTE SPEAKERS: This year we will have two keynote speakers: * EMILY ROSA, youngest person to have a research paper published in a major medical journal and * TROY HURTUBISE, who built and tested a suit of armor that protects him against grizzly bears (as explained in the documentary film "Project Grizzly"). WIN-A-DATE-WITH-A-NOBEL-LAUREATE CONTEST AUCTION OF SCIENTIFIC EFFLUVIA All suction proceeds go to the Cambridge public school science program. Items include: ==> Nobellian Martin Perl's used chewing gum ==> Nobellian Rich Roberts's junk mail ==> Nobellian Sheldon Glashow's smoked cigar butts ==> Nobellian Wm. Lipscomb's supermarket shopping lists HEISENBERG CERTAINTY LECTURES. Each lecturer each has a 30 second time limit enforced by professional referee John Barrett. This year's Heisenberg Lecturers include: ==> Nobel Laureate WILLIAM LIPSCOMB ==> Smithsonian Institution paleontologist SALLY SHELTON ==> Fraud debunker/magician JAMES RANDI (The Amazing Randi) ==> Two Heisenberg lecturers TBA and and and... RELATED NEXT-DAY EVENTS: There will be 2.5 related events. * FRIDAY AFTERNOON, OCT. 9, *** the IG LECTURES *** Harvard Science Center. Start time will probably be 1:15, BUT check the AIR web site for final scheduling!) The Ig Lectures will feature: ==> *** EMILY ROSA, 11-year old JAMA author *** *** and *** *** JAMES RANDI (the Amazing Randi) *** *** JAMA dep. editor RICHARD GLASS *** ==> *** TROY HURTUBISE *** *** of Project Grizzly, *** *** and *** *** the WORLD'S FIRST LOOK *** *** at Troy's NEW bear suit! *** ==> *** Several of this year's *** *** Ig Nobel Prize winners *** * FRIDAY EVENING, OCT. 9, 7 pm and 9 pm. The Harvard Film Archive will have a special showing of "The Grizzly Project." Troy and his bear suit will be present. * (There will also be a "Project Grizzly" showing SATURDAY EVENING, OCT. 9, at 5 pm, but without Troy.) TICKETS. A very few tickets are still available from the Sanders Theatre Box Office (617-496-2222). TELEVISION (LIVE). The live Internet telecast will be telecast on the Mbone, with his eminence Robert T. Morris as engineer. See the Web site for details. COLLEGE RADIO (LIVE). If your college station would like to link up to the Harvard WHRB (95.3 FM) network for this event, please email Cliff Chen at NPR SPECIAL (EDITED). A specially edited version will be broadcast in November on NPR's "Talk of the Nation / Science Friday with Ira Flatow" program. FULL DETAILS ARE POSTED ON THE AIR WEB SITE http://www.improbable.com ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-08 Multiplicity of Monickers Last month we wondered what is the most number of co-authors (of a single research paper) with the same family name. Here is a partial answer. LIN, LIN, LIN "Computer search for binary cyclic UEP codes of odd length up to 65," Mao-Chao Lin, Chi-Chang Lin, and Shu Lin, "IEEE Transactions on Information Theory," vol. 36, July 1990, vol.36, no.4, pp. 924- 35. (Thanks to Vivek K Goyal for bringing this to our attention.) SEKULER, SEKULER, SEKULER "How the visual system detects changes in the direction of moving targets," Allison B. Sekuler, Robert Sekuler, and Erica B. Sekuler, "Perception," vol. 19, 1990, pp. 181-196. (Thanks to Robert Sekular, who writes, "People who know us (father and two daughters) refer to this paper as Sekuler-cubed. I'm still trying to figure out if that's good or bad.") ALVAREZ-BUYLLA, ALVAREZ-BUYLLA, ALVAREZ-BUYLLA "Pituitary and adrenals are required for hyperglycemic reflex initiated by stimulation of CBR with cyanide," R. Alvarez-Buylla, E. Alvarez-Buylla, H. Mendoza, S.A. Montero, and A. Alvarez- Buylla, "American Journal of Physiology, vol. 272 (1 Pt 2), Jan 1997, pp. 392-9. (Thanks to Philippe Rousselot for bringing this to our attention.) HASENFRATZ, HASENFRATZ, HASENFRATZ "Generalized roughening transition and its effect on the string tension," Anna Hasenfratz, Etelka Hasenfratz, Peter Hasenfratz, "Nuclear Physics B," vol. 180, 1981, p. 353. (Thanks to Gernot Muenster for bringing this to our attention.) LEE, LEE, LEE, LEE, LEE, KIM, KIM, KIM "A 32-Bank 1Gb Self-Strobing Synchronous DRAM with 1-GByte/s Bandwidth," J.-H Yoo, C.-H Kim, K.-C Lee, K.-H Kyung, S.-M Yoo, J.-H Lee, M.-H Son, J.-M Han, B.-M Kang, E. Haq, S.-B Lee, H.-H Sim, J.-H Kim, B.-S Moon, K.-Y Kim, J.-G Park, K.-P Lee, K.-Y Lee, K.-N Kim, S.-I Cho, J.-W Park, and H.-K Lim, "IEEE Journal of Solid State Circuits," vol 31, no 11, Nov. 1996. (Thanks to Mike Palmer for bringing this to our attention.) More next month. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-09 Take a Stand on Moss Investigator T. Lehrer is analyzing the nature of moss in the minds of men (and women). People commonly advise each other that "a rolling stone gathers no moss." Some intend this as praise of an oft-traveling rock. Others mean it to condemn the stone that rolls. Please help us settle this linguo-moralistic dilemma. Cast your vote, in or against stone, for one of the following: ___a rolling stone is a GOOD stone ___a rolling stone is a BAD stone ___I hate rocks Send your vote to ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-10 High Tea, Low Tea Some months ago asked: What is the proper way to make a cup of tea? Controversial protocols continue to treacle down. Here are two random selections. The first is from investigator Rickard Olsson, a practitioner of the "Star Trek Method": INGREDIENTS: 1 Tea cup, sans tea 1 Tea cup of water, sans cup 1 Tea bag, Earl Grey 1 Microwave oven with digital timer 1 Trekkie INSTRUCTIONS: "Pour the water into the cup. Place the tea bag into the water and put the assembled tea cup into the microwave oven. Set the timer for two minutes and the power to 'Warp'. Watch the timer until it says 2 seconds remaining, then say 'Tea, Earl Grey, hot!' in a loud commanding voice with a British accent. Open the replicat... Microwave oven and drink the tea. While sipping your tea you can also say things like 'Make it so!', 'Engage!' and 'Shut up, Wesley!' to add to the realism." Investigator Gary Dryfoos takes an alternative approach to tea: "I learned 'Le Methode Cowboy' for making coffee while in the Boy Scouts. One uses a beat-up metal coffeepot, with all the inner percolation equipment removed, an old (formerly white) gym- sock, and however much ground coffee the cook feels is appropriate. Pour the ground coffee into the sock, tie the top of the sock with a small piece of twine, put the coffee sock into the pot, fill with water, place into your campfire and boil until someone remembers to take it off. Mighty tasty!" ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-11 Cat Twist Insight Why do cats sleep twisted on their backs? (This was the question in Scientific Correctness Survey #21.) Investigator Tom Bridgman offers a novel theory: "Because any other activity in that position would be extremely difficult." ---------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-12 AIR Vents: Kluge [Exhalations from our readers] Investigator Mike Scullin has a personal problem of some sort with an author who was cited in last month's mini-AIR: "With a name like Eike-Henner W. Kluge, is it any wonder s/he writes like that. S/he probably talks that way, too. Hyphenated last names are bad enough, but first names should be monologic, with the possible exceptions of Jean-Claude, Jean-Luc, and Jean-Marie. The French don't even discriminate the gender of their given names, anyway." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-13 Project AIRhead Former-2000 Here is another selection from our ever-growing collection of things that once had 2000 in their names, but no longer do. ITEM XX-PP-08 (submitted by investigator Don Schaffner) "MUSCLE MEDIA 2000," a body-building magazine, has become simply "MUSCLE MEDIA". Its website also has changed, from http://www.mm2k.com to http://www.musclemedia.com ----------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-14 Project AIRhead 2000 Here is a further selection from our ever-growing collection of things that have 2000 in their names. ITEM 44-909 (submitted by investigator Michael Lean) "CHICKEN 2000," a shop at Noosa Junction, Queensland, Australia, selling fresh chicken products -- chicken sausages, fillets, whole chickens, etc, etc. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-15 May We Recommend Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (This item is in addition to the many, many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) FASHIONS OF EUROPEAN ROYALTY "First European Record of a Queen Ant Carrying a Mealybug During Her Mating Flight," A. Buschinger, et. al., "Naturwissenschaften, vol. 74, 1987, pp. 139-40. (Thanks to Grahame Kelly for bringing this to our attention.) ARTS & SCIENCES "Chemical Ornaments of Semen," Carlos Cordero, "Journal of Theoretical Biology," vol. 192, no. 4, June 21 1998, pp. 581-4. (Thanks to Martyn Amos for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1998-09-16 AIRhead Events ==> Want to host an event? E-mail to or call 617-491-4437. ALTERNATIVELY, please call W.H. Freeman Publishers, the publisher of the book "Best of AIR," at 212-576-9423 ==> For updates of this schedule, For updates of this schedule, see http://www.improbable.com/projects/schedule.txt IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY -- THURSDAY, OCT. 8, 7:30 PM Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. TICKETS: Tickets are $12, students $10. 617-496-2222 INFO re live radio and telecast: http://www.improbable.com IG INFORMAL LECTURES FRIDAY, OCT 9, afternoon Harvard Science Center. Exact time TBA (possibly 1:15). Time and location to be announced, with Emily Rosa, James Randi (the Amazing Randi), Troy Hurtubise, and several of this year's Ig winners. Free admission, but limited seating, first come first served. "PROJECT GRIZZLY" FILM SHOWING FRI, OCT 9, 7 and 9 pm ...and SAT, OCT 10, 5 pm Harvard Film Archive, Carpenter Center, Quincy Street, Cambridge Troy Hurtubise and his bear suit will be at the Friday showings. INFO: 617-495-4700 http://harvardfilmarchive.org TICKETS available in advance at Sanders Theatre box office 617- 496-2222 WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY, ST. LOUIS WED, OCT 21, 3:45 Crow Hall 204. AIR lecture and slide show by AIR editor Marc Abrahams, preceded by tea at 3:30 INFO: Carl M. Bender 314-935-6216 CANADIAN UNDERGRADUATE PHYSICS CONFERENCE (CUPC) SAT, NOV 14 Queen's University, Kingston, Ontario. AIR editor Marc Abrahams will be the banquet speaker. INFO: Mike Levi <4mal2@qlink.queensu.ca> 613-545-6967 "SCIENCE FRIDAY" SPECIAL IG BROADCAST SAT, NOV 27 Specially edited broadcast of the 1998 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony on National Public Radio's "Talk of the Nation/ Science Friday with Ira Flatow" program. TIMES AND STATIONS: http://www.sciencefriday.com LOS ANGELES AREA Various events TBA JANUARY 1999. Please contact 617-491-4437 if you would like to host an event. TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY FRI, FEB. 19, 1999 AIR event at the Women in Science meeting. Details to be announced. INFO: Julia Frugoli , 409-842-2595 ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-17 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improbable.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is a tiny supplement to the magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ----------------------------------------------------- 1998-09-19 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com GENERAL INFO (auto-responder): info@improb.com WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improbable.com/ ELSEWHERE ON THE NET: * USENET: a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research --------------------------- 1998-09-21 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1998, Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@best.com) http://www.improbable.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki Sorel MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================