PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1998-10 October, 1998 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1998-10-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1998-10-01 Table of Contents 1998-10-02 mini-Housekeeping 1998-10-03 What's New in AIR 1998-10-04 The 1998 Ig Nobel Prize Winners 1998-10-05 AIR Teachers Guide 1998-10-06 Density of Some Scientists 1998-10-07 Rolling Stones: for Goodness' Sake 1998-10-08 Simple Tea from Hungary 1998-10-09 Calling All AIR Authors: Anaheim in January 1998-10-10 New Physics : Fastest Pain 1998-10-11 Scientific Correctness Survey: Gnat Clouds 1998-10-12 AIR Vents: Short and Spacey; Single-Blind Viagra 1998-10-13 Cogno-Intellectual Poem 1998-10-14 Project AIRhead 2000 1998-10-15 May We Recommend 1998-10-16 AIRhead Events 1998-10-17 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1998-10-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1998-10-19 Our Address (*) 1998-10-20 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the magnificent bi-monthly print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-02 mini-Housekeeping 1. AIR EVENTS THIS MONTH --- Want one of your own? Let us know. AIR events in November include Smith College and Northeastern University in Massachusetts, and Queen's University and the Canadian Undergraduate Physics Conference in Kingston, Ontario. Details below. 2. IG ON RADIO --- The traditional NPR "Science Friday" recorded broadcast of the Ig ceremony will be on November 27. It will then archived on the Web. Details below. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-03 What's New in AIR A wee small voice suggests that you subscribe to the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). The Nov/Dec 98 issue (vol. 4, no. 6) will be a special Money & Math Issue. The contents include: "Toothpaste Arithmetic and the Chicken/Egg Problem," by Mark Benecke. The author shows how a German toothpaste company has unwittingly solved the ancient chicken/egg problem. The key is their radical new way of using mathematical graphs on the toothpaste box. "The Number One, Precise to a Billion Places," by Christopher McManus. Unlike all the great mathematicians who preceded him, the author has calculated the number one, precise to a billion places. "CAFETERIA REVIEW: The NIH Building 10 Cafeteria," by Peregrine Woorst. Nearly every great medical researcher of the past forty years has eaten in the main cafeteria at the National Institutes of Health, in Bethesda, Maryland. This review shows the rigors they must have undergone. "The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less in 30 Languages or More in teeny tiny type," by Eric Schulman et al. Schulman's classic history has been translated by great scientists from around the world, and reduced to nearly illegible type. The full table of contents, as well as excerpts from several articles, will be posted on the AIR web site http://www.improbable.com. | FOR FULL TEXT (including lurid photographs) | | OF THE ARTICLES ABSTRACTED HERE | | SEE THE ACTUAL ISSUE OF AIR. | ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-04 The 1998 Ig Nobel Prize Winners The 1998 Ig Nobel Prize Winners were awarded at the Eight 1st Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony on Thursday evening, Oct 8, 1998 at Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. Nobel Laureates Richard Roberts, William Lipscomb, Dudley Herschbach and Sheldon Glashow handed the prizes to the winners. A bevy of other laureates participated via slides and audiotape. More than half of the winners either attended the ceremony or sent representatives in their stead. A full account will appear in the Jan/Feb 1999 issue of Annals of Improbable Research. In the meantime, you can see a number of lurid and lively press accounts (and some photos!) by going to the AIR home page (http:///www.improbable.com) and clicking on "What the rest of the press is saying about us." [A number of scientific celebrities also participated in the ceremony, among them James (the Amazing) Randi, Journal of the American Medical Assn. deputy editor Richard Glass, 11-year-old science hero Emily Rosa (who accepted the Science Education Prize on behalf of the winner), "Listening to Prozac" author Peter Kramer, grizzly bear researcher Colin Gillen, Materials Scientist Robert Rose, eminence grise Jerome Lettvin, Duck(r) Tape manufacturer Manco, duct tape researcher Max Sherman, physicist- sweeper Roy Glauber, Woodman's restaurant (inventors of fried clams), and Randall Seed, son of cloning pioneer Richard.] Here are this year's winners. SAFETY ENGINEERING. Troy Hurtubise, of North Bay, Ontario, for developing, and personally testing a suit of armor that is impervious to grizzly bears. REFERENCE: The Canadian Film Board Documentary "Project Grizzly." The film is available in Canada from the NFB, and in the US from First Run Features (800 488 6652). BIOLOGY. Peter Fong of Gettysburg College, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, for contributing to the happiness of clams by giving them Prozac. REFERENCE: "Induction and Potentiation of Parturition in Fingernail Clams (Sphaerium striatinum) by Selective Serotonin Re- Uptake Inhibitors (SSRIs)," Peter F. Fong, Peter T. Huminski, and Lynette M. D'urso, "Journal of Experimental Zoology, vol. 280, 1998, pp. 260-64. PEACE. Prime Minister Shri Atal Bihari Vajpayee of India and Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif of Pakistan for their aggressively peaceful explosions of atomic bombs. CHEMISTRY. Jacques Benveniste of France for his homeopathic discovery that not only does water have memory, but that the information can be transmitted over telephone lines and the Internet. [NOTE: Benveniste also won the 1991 Ig Nobel Chemistry Prize.] REFERENCE:"Transatlantic Transfer of Digitized Antigen Signal by Telephone Link," J. Benveniste, P. Jurgens, W. Hsueh and J. Aissa, "Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology - Program and abstracts of papers to be presented during scientific sessions AAAAI/AAI.CIS Joint Meeting February 21-26, 1997." SCIENCE EDUCATION. Dolores Krieger, Professor Emerita, New York University, "for demonstrating the merits of therapeutic touch, a method by which nurses manipulate the energy fields of ailing patients by carefully avoiding physical contact with those patients." STATISTICS. Jerald Bain of Mt. Sinai Hospital in Toronto and Kerry Siminoski of the University of Alberta for their carefully measured report, "The Relationship Among Height, Penile Length, and Foot Size." REFERENCE: The paper was published in "Annals of Sex Research," vol. 6, no. 3, 1993, pp. 231-5. PHYSICS. Deepak Chopra of The Chopra Center for Well Being, La Jolla, California, for his unique interpretation of quantum physics as it applies to life, liberty, and the pursuit of economic happiness. REFERENCE: Deepak Chopra's books "Quantum Healing," "Ageless Body, Timeless Mind," etc. and www.chopra.com ECONOMICS. Richard Seed of Chicago for his efforts to stoke up the world economy by cloning himself and other human beings. CONTACT: Richard Seed, 708-442-0500, FAX 708-442-1500 MEDICINE. To Patient Y and to his doctors, Caroline Mills, Meirion Llewelyn, David Kelly, and Peter Holt, of Royal Gwent Hospital, in Newport, Wales, for the cautionary medical report, "A Man Who Pricked His Finger and Smelled Putrid for 5 Years." REFERENCE: The paper was published in "The Lancet," vol. 348, November 9, 1996, p. 1282. LITERATURE. Dr. Mara Sidoli of Washington, DC, for her illuminating report, "Farting as a Defence Against Unspeakable Dread." REFERENCE: "Farting as a Defence Against Unspeakable Dread," Mara Sidoli, "Journal of Analytical Psychology," vol. 41, no. 2, 1996, pp. 165-78. NOTE 1: You can download a free nifty Ig '98 poster from the AIR web site (see the "Ig Nobel" section). NOTE 2: Cheesy videotapes of (a).. the Ig Ceremony and (b).. this year's Ig lectures (delivered the following day by Jerald Bain, Emily Rosa, and Troy Hurtubise) are available from: AIR, PO Box 380853, Cambridge MA 03338 USA. All tapes are priced at $25 each (outside the US: $30 per tape). VHS format only. Tapes of the '95, '96, and '97 ceremonies are also available, for the same prices. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-05 AIR Teachers Guide [EDITOR'S NOTE: This guide appears in every issue of Annals of Improbable Research. By request, we also reprint it from time to time here in mini-AIR.] Three out of five teachers agree: curiosity is a dangerous thing, especially in students. If you are one of the other two teachers, AIR and mini-AIR can be powerful tools. Choose your favorite hAIR-raising article and give copies to your students. The approach is simple. The scientist thinks that he (or she, or whatever), of all people, has discovered something about how the universe behaves. So: * Is this scientist right -- and what does "right" mean, anyway? * Can you think of even one different explanation that works as well or better? * Did the test really, really, truly, unquestionably, completely test what the author thought he was testing? * Is the scientist ruthlessly honest with himself about how well his idea explains everything, or could he be suffering from wishful thinking? * Some people might say this is foolish. Should you take their word for it? * Other people might say this is absolutely correct and important. Should you take their word for it? KIDS ARE NATURALLY GOOD SCIENTISTS. HELP THEM STAY THAT WAY. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-06 Density of Some Scientists This month's entry in the Sentence of Death Contest (in which we seek examples of the very worst, most needlessly incomprehensible, sentence from a published scientific report) was submitted by investigator Bob Zimmerman. It also begins a new contest for: MOST DENSE USE OF ACRONYMNS. Zimmerman reports: "Here is a sentence from an abstract for a preprint paper entitled "A Model for Non High Energy Gamma Ray Bursts and Sources of Ultra High Energy Cosmic Rays" by Takashi Nakamura of the Yukawa Institute for Theoretical Physics. It has been submitted to Prog. Theor. Phys.(Kyoto, Japan), whatever that is. The sentence is: 'If a few percent of the beam energy of SSM-MSP in NHE-GRB event is in the form of UHECRs, the flux of the observed UHECRs can be explained.' "The Desire of Modern Scientists to Abbreviate for the Slightest Reason (called the DMSASR effect) drives me crazy. The abbreviations here (all of which are ridiculously unnecessary) are translated as follows: SSM=superstrong magnetic field MSP=milli-second pulsar NHE-GRB=Non-high energy gamma ray bursts UHECR=Ultra-high energy cosmic rays" ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-07 Rolling Stones: for Goodness' Sake Thank you for participating in investigator T. Lehrer's survey concerning the advice "a rolling stone gathers no moss." (Some people intend this as praise of the rock, others as condemnation. Which view predominates?) In consultation with the principal investigator, our team reports these results: "Most curious. "It appears that of the people who actually answered the question (as opposed to those who were just showing off), the great majority went for GOOD STONE. Many respondents referred to the Rolling Stones (usually with a feeble pun on the word 'stoned'), only one mentioned Bob Dylan, who we feel is on the BAD STONE side when he cries, 'How does it feel to be without a home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?' [Yes, he thinks 'home' rhymes with 'stone.'] "Also we would have thought that those who invoked the Protestant Ethic and attributed it more to Easterners would vote BAD STONE, on the grounds that the more conventional people regard settling down (i.e., gathering moss) as a good thing. It appears, however, that these very people voted GOOD STONE, on the grounds that working is good and idling (i.e., gathering moss) is bad. "Most curious." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-08 Simple Tea from Hungary Some months ago we asked: What is the proper way to make a cup of tea? Like it or not, methods continue to pour in. Here is a traditional Hungarian protocol, submitted by Gyorgy Valas: "You asked some months ago, how to make a good cup of tee. You have published a lot of methods of it since that, but I haven't found the best traditional method among those. Here are my INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Make two good cups of tee. 2. Drink out one of them. 3. What remains is a good cup of tee, as requested." ------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-09 Calling All AIR Authors: Anaheim in January On Friday evening, January 21, several AIR researchers will (attempt to) perform their work at the traditional AIR special session of the American Association for the Advancement of Science Annual Meeting. This year's meeting is in Anaheim, California. If you are an AIR author who would like to take part (or if you are not an AIR author but would like to host your own AIR event in southern California), please get in touch with Marc Abrahams at 617-491-4437 ---------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-12 AIR Vents: Short and Spacey; Single-Blind Viagra [Exhalations from our readers] Investigator Lois Malone submits the following observation: "I must comment to someone, that not only does the current space shuttle mission contain the world's oldest astronaut, it also contains what appears to be the world's shortest astronaut. Nobody has as yet taken note of this landmark. Or spacemark." A New York City-based investigator who wishes to remain anonymous writes: "Although it seems rather obvious for a magazine that deals with the obscure, I was wondering if any scientists had yet submitted research on the correlation between the use of Viagra (and related activities) and blindness." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-13 Cogno-Intellectual Poem We continue our campaign to spread devise and propagate (amongst the pretentious) an utterly meaningless word. The word is, of course, cogno-intellectual. Investigator Timothy Collinson, who has labored hard and well in the service of Project Cogno- Intellectual, submits his observations in the form of haiku: faculty meeting cogno-intellectual academics muse ----------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-14 Project AIRhead 2000 Here is a further selection from our ever-growing collection of things that have 2000 in their names. ITEM 8304 (submitted by investigator Michael Colpitts) OATMEAL 2000, an oatmeal cookie sold at the Shaws Supermarket in Taunton, Massachusetts (investigator Colpitts reports, without comment, that the cookie is "alien and abuctee approved"). ITEM TT67 (submitted by investigator Earle Spamer) ASTROVID 2000, described by its manufacturer as "Simply The [sic] Most Versatile Astronomical CCD Video Imaging System Preferred WorldWide [sic] By Professional and Amateur Astronomers!" ----------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-15 May We Recommend Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (This item is in addition to the many, many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) HOW THE COOKIE CRUMBLES "Fracture Testing of Cream Cracker Biscuits," T.R. Gromley, "Journal of Food Engineering," vol. 6, 1987, pp. 325-32. (Thanks to Helene McCain for bringing this to our attention.) NATURAL IS BETTER "Natural sniffing gives optimum odor perception for humans," D.G. Laing, "Perception," vol. 12, 1983, pp. 99-117. (Thanks to T.C. Wu for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1998-10-16 AIRhead Events ==> Want to host an event? E-mail to or call 617-491-4437. ALTERNATIVELY, please call W.H. Freeman Publishers, the publisher of the book "Best of AIR," at 212-576-9423 ==> For updates of this schedule, see http://www.improbable.com SMITH COLLEGE, NORTHAMPTON, MA FRI, NOV 6, 5 pm 103 McConnell. AIR editor Marc Abrahams will present a slide- enhanced lecture about improbable research and the Ig Nobel Prizes. INFO: Dany Adams QUEEN'S UNIVERSITY, Kingston, Ontario FRI, NOV 13 Evening seminar with AIR editor Marc Abrahams. Details TBA. INFO: Mike Levi <4mal2@qlink.queensu.ca> 613-545-6967 CANADIAN UNDERGRADUATE PHYSICS CONFERENCE (CUPC) SAT, NOV 14 Queen's University, Kingston, Ontario. AIR editor Marc Abrahams will be the banquet speaker. INFO: Mike Levi <4mal2@qlink.queensu.ca> 613-545-6967 NORTHEASTERN UNIVERSITY, BOSTON, MA WED, NOV 18, 6 pm 322 Hayden Hall. AIR editor Marc Abrahams will be the guest lecturer at a class on science and science writing. INFO: Carol Morton "SCIENCE FRIDAY" SPECIAL IG BROADCAST FRI, NOV 27 Specially edited broadcast of the 1998 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony on National Public Radio's program, "Talk of the Nation/ Science Friday with Ira Flatow." It will also be archived on the Web. TIMES AND STATIONS: http://www.sciencefriday.com AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, ANAHEIM, CA THU, JAN 21, 1999 AIR's editor will be part of a panel discussion on humorous science writing. This event restricted to NASW (National Assn of Science Writers) members. Details TBA. AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, ANAHEIM, CA FRI, JAN 21, 1999 AIR's annual special seminar presenting the latest in improbable research at the annual meeting of the AAAS (American Assn. for the Advancement of Science). Details TBA. LOS ANGELES AREA Various events TBA LATE JANUARY 1999. AIR's editor and various authors will be doing various improbable things at the AAAS Annual Meeting in Anaheim, and at other locations. Please contact 617-491-4437 if you would like to host an event. BOSCONE 99, FRAMINGHAM, MA FEB 12-14, 1999 (Tentative) AIR lecture / show at the annual BOSCONE science fiction convention. INFO: Deb Geisler TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY FRI, FEB 19, 1999 AIR event at the Women in Science meeting. Details to be announced. INFO: Julia Frugoli , 409-842-2595 9TH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY THURS, SEPT 30, 1999 Sanders Theater, Harvard University. ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-17 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improbable.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is a tiny supplement to the magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ----------------------------------------------------- 1998-10-19 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com GENERAL INFO (auto-responder): info@improb.com WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improbable.com/ ELSEWHERE ON THE NET: * USENET: a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research --------------------------- 1998-10-21 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1998, Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@best.com) http://www.improbable.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki Sorel MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================