PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1999-02 Febuary, 1999 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1999-02-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1999-02-01 Table of Contents 1999-02-02 mini-Housekeeping 1999-02-03 What's New in AIR 1999-02-04 Ig Winners' Contagious Triumph (1) 1999-02-05 Ig Winners' Contagious Triumph (2) 1999-02-06 Entitlement Survey 1999-02-07 Vocabulary Word 1999-02-08 SURVEY: Survival of the Fittest-To-Be-Tied 1999-02-09 May Not 1999-02-10 Survey Results: Insect Love? 1999-02-11 Arguments Against Love 1999-02-12 Love: Just Arguments 1999-02-13 A Clutch of Kakizoes 1999-02-14 Tea, But Not For Thee 1999-02-15 Project AIRhead 2000 1999-02-16 May We Recommend 1999-02-17 AIRhead Events 1999-02-18 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1999-02-19 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1999-02-20 Our Address (*) 1999-02-21 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-02 mini-Housekeeping 1. There are AIR shows this month in Texas and Massachusetts (details in section 1999-02-17 below). 2. AIR is looking for a part-time secretary/assistant. We are also looking for volunteer proofreaders. If you live near Cambridge and are interested in either, please call us at 617-491-4437. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-03 What's New in AIR If you're like most mini-AIR readers, you don't believe there really is a print journal called "Annals of Improbable Research" (AIR). Prove yourself wrong: Subscribe. The March/April 99 issue (vol. 5, no. 2) will be the Annual Swimsuit Issue, chock partially full of photographically reproduced scientific swimsuit sweeties. The full table of contents, as well as excerpts from several articles, will be posted on the AIR web site http://www.improbable.com. | FOR FULL TEXT (including lurid photographs) | | OF THE ARTICLES ABSTRACTED HERE | | SEE THE ACTUAL ISSUE OF AIR. | ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-04 Ig Winners' Contagious Triumph (1) The winners of the 1997 Ig Nobel Medicine Prize have extended the work that first won them fame. Last week, Wilkes University announced that assistant psychology professors Carl J. Charnetski, and Francis X. Brennan, Jr. have produced a research report titled "Frequent Sex Can Reduce Risks of Cold." The new finding concerns the antibody immunoglobulin A (IgA). IgA was the focus of Charnetski and Wilkes's prize-winning discovery, two years ago, that listening to elevator Muzak may help prevent the common cold. The new study concerns 111 undergraduate students. The study has not been peer-reviewed or published, but it will be presented at the Eastern Psychological Association Convention which takes place during April in Providence, Rhode Island. (NOTE: Charnetsky and Wilkes's co-author in the 1997 Ig Nobel-winning effort was James F. Harrison, who has left his job at Muzak, Ltd., of Seattle. We can but hope that he, like his erstwhile colleagues, is eagerly pursuing new discoveries.) ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-05 Ig Winners' Contagious Triumph (2) For the first time, the Annals of Improbable Research is endorsing a political candidate. J. Danforth Quayle is a former chairman of the US National Space Council. He is also a former Vice President of the US. More important, in 1991 he won the Ig Nobel Prize for science education. (Quayle was cited for "demonstrating the need, better than anyone else, for science education.") J. Danforth Quayle has now announced that he is running for President of the United States. The United States is the self- proclaimed world leader in science education. If you care about science education, and if you are not a US citizen, we urge you to vote for Dan Quayle. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-06 Entitlement Survey Investigator Carol Myers, who apparently wishes to endanger her employment at the National Institutes of Health, proposes a most prestigious investigation: "I have an idea for a new scientific survey: to determine the most obnoxious or pretentious return address. Copied below is the first entry. You must admit this is truly an illness-inducing return address. How does he fit it all into that little space at the top left corner of envelopes? And what is an 'M.B.'??" Nicholas J. Sarlis, M.B., M.D., Ph.D. Tenure-track Investigator Clinical Thyroidology Section on Molecular Regulation & Neuroendocrinology (SMRN) Molecular and Cellular Endocrinology Branch (MCEB) National Institute of Diabetes, Digestive, and Kidney Diseases (NIDDK) National Institutes of Health Building # 10, Room # 8D12C 10 Center Drive, MSC 1758 Bethesda, MD 20892-1758 Help us find the grandest return address of them all. If you know of an example that significantly exceeds this one, please send it (with an envelope or letterhead or URL or other documentation) to: Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge MA 02238 USA. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-07 Vocabulary Word This month's Handy Vocabulary Word is "didapper." The American Heritage Dictionary (Second College Edition) gives this definition for "didapper": A small grebe, such as the dabchick. Please make a point of introducing the Handy Vocabulary Word into your daily flow of paperwork. Thank you. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-08 SURVEY: Survival of the Fittest-To-Be-Tied Several readers have implored us to research the following basic question: Of all different kinds of scientists and doctors, which make the best professional wrestlers? Please send your vote to . If you feel compelled to explain it, try to limit yourself to a maximum of 25 words. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-09 May Not A few years ago, we had the privilege of receiving two letters from Sir Robert May, the chief science advisor to the British government, demanding that we stop giving Ig Nobel Prizes, especially to British scientists. (All this is documented in the book, "The Best of Annals of Improbable Research," W.H. Freeman publishers, ISBN 0-7161-3094-4.) We are honored and bemused to report that Sir Robert has given further thought to the matter, and that he has a novel suggestion, and that he also has a not-so- novel suggestion. At the recent Annual Meeting of the AAAS in Anaheim, California, our editor, Marc Abrahams, had the honor of meeting Sir Robert. Sir Robert was friendly and charming, for about twenty seconds. He then launched into a highly energetic, skillfully animated lecture that concluded with two monosyllabic words, the second of which was "off." That was Sir Robert's not-so-novel suggestion. Sir Robert's novel suggestion was that should we ever again award an Ig Nobel Prize to a scientist, we must first obtain permission from the scientist's supervisor and from the scientist's government. This is especially important, Sir Robert emphasized, when the scientist *wants* to receive the Prize. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-10 Survey Results: Insect Love? A swarm of opinions flew in response to last month's Scientific Correctness Survey. Like all of our S.C. surveys, it is part of our ongoing effort to settle burning scientific controversies by, simply, doing an opinion poll. The survey asked: DO INSECTS EXPERIENCE ROMANTIC LOVE? The voting broke down as follows: 45% -- Yes. 25% -- No. 23% -- Bug off. That's their own private affair. 7% -- Other. (NOTE: More than half of the people who said "bug off" made reference to someone named "Ken Starr." We are unfamiliar with Professor Starr, and can but assume that he is a bug enthusiast of obscure repute.) Some respondents also gave comments pointed and/or pointless. Here is the case for romantic love: YES, but only those who can weep, since every romantic love is accompanied by a lot of weeping. -- Ivan Zezula YES of course they feel love. What could be more pleasing, charming and on turning than the whir of bananafly's wings or the smoothness of grasshoppers limbs. Imagine the scent of roach's or ant's sweat. -- a nameless respondant YES! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh Baby. -- Wendy Cooper YES. As a resident of Florida I can assure you that love bugs love. They have the habit of mating on the wing, hence their name and the phrase 'Fly United' . In an automobile, when you strike them at a low speed, the sad look on the survivor of the pairing would break your heart. -- Fred Collington YES. I have been very fond of many bugs in my time (my pet praying mantis, Zingor, for example) and I have often felt that they loved me too. While the love I speak of is a more nurturing kind, I feel that Romantic Love must also be possible. -- Becky Jollensten ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-11 Arguments Against Love Here are some arguments from voters unimpressed with the question of whether insects experience romantic love: NO, but they think they do. -- Lorne Wald NO. Nobody (arthropod, tetrapod, anypod) experiences romantic love. It is purely a marketing scheme by paperback book publishers, who took it over from sheet-music publishers earlier this century, when the bottom fell out of the market for Victorian sentiment. However, insects are great at camouflage and mimicry, and can probably fake it as well as anybody if they try. --Pat Grant NO. Romantic love is limited to higher apes or perhaps even just the three species of chimpanzee (that includes us). -- Peter Campbell NO. They just experience a severe sex drive far beyond anything that we have in our world, look at those male spiders that keep going back for more and then get eaten. -- Chris Callow NO. After spending many hours watching grass grow, paint dry, and flies.... well, after watching flies for a while, I would have to say no. It is good old fashioned lust. -- Gregg Horan NO way, at least not as we would recognize it. I've been known to get the munchies after amorous encounters, but never once have I had an overwhelming desire to eat all or part of my lover like so many arthropods do. -- Susan Way ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-12 Love: Just Arguments And here are some thoughts from respondents who are unpersuaded that insects experience true love: OTHER. Not all of them. Some of them are waspish. -- Linda Felver OTHER. Depends on the species. And some animals, like ants and bees, live in large communities, where only a very few have love and children. -- Frank Stephan OTHER. Do insects experience romantic love? It is commonly assumed that some European, especially Mediterranean, insects really do. American, British, Japanese, Russian, or German insects probably not. -- Manfred Hennecke OTHER. I suggest that we appoint an independent prosecutor with unlimited access, authority, power, jurisdiction and budget to get to the bottom of this. -- P.A. Kirschner OTHER. I'm a liberal arts major, English no less, so I have to respond not by putting a discrete X in a single neat slot, but in essay form, to be sure to capture several aspects of this interesting problem (and at the risk of making data collection too irritating to deal with)... [remaining fourteen pages edited due to space limitations] -- Leslie Cameron ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-13 A Clutch of Kakizoes Investigator Ken April adds this to our collection of collaborations of scientists who share family names. "Endoscopic findings and clinical manifestation of gastric anisakiasis," S. Kakizoe, H. Kakizoe, K. Kakizoe, Y. Kakizoe, M. Maruta, T. Kakizoe, and S. Kakizoe, "American Journal of Gastroenterology," vol. 90, 1995, pp. 761-3. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-14 Tea, But Not For Thee Here is another fine recipe from our ever-growing stockpile of submissions on the question: "What is the proper way to make a cup of tea?" Investigator Ezra Bob Tanenbaum gives the specifications for constructing BACHELOR TEA (American Style): Ingredients: * One Brand Name or No Frills Tea bag. (Absolutely no HERBAL). * One cup of HOT water. * A couple spoons of sugar. Take any two of the above ingredients and combine in a Styrofoam cup. Authentic bachelor tea is NEVER made with all three ingredients. When making bachelor tea with tea, the tea bag should be taken out of the cup and left on the back of the sink to be aged for the next batch. Makes one serving (of course). ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-15 Project AIRhead 2000 Here is a further random selection from the Project AIRhead 2000 collection of things named (in whole or in part) 2000. This month, Investigator Chris Hind, a denizen of England, adds two items (ITEM #44906 and ITEM #83835) to the collection : "On Friday 15 January, 1999, "Eurotrash", a charming British telly program about the foibles of our European enemi... partners, broadcast an item about a German lady called Petra Perle, who has released a video about the joys of being a housewife. Dressed entirely in pink, she allegedly sings songs about hoovering and sending hubby off to work. The video is entitled 'Die Hausfrau 2000.' She also markets the 'Tampon 2000,' a penis-shaped sanitary product." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-16 May We Recommend Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (This item is in addition to the many, many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS "The stressful kiss: A biopsychosocial evaluation of the origins, evolution, and societal significance of vampirism," Donald R. Morse, "Stress Medicine," vol. 9, no. 3, 1993, pp. 181-9. (Thanks to Robert P. Smith for bringing this to our attention.) The author explains his work thusly: "In addition to the mythological concepts, vampirism is considered scientifically. This includes the anatomical, physiological, and stress-related aspects of love-, vampire-, and lethal biting.... On the positive side, vampirism can provide temporary escape from the stressors of the 1990s; on the negative side is the sinister nature of engaging in ritualistic, cultic vampirism. The need is expressed for extensive psychological and physiological testing of modern day vampires to determine if there are psychological patterns that would predispose a person to becoming a 'vampire.'" RECYCLED PHILOSOPHY "Saving eliminativism," R. Bertolet, "Philosophical Psychology," vol. 7, 1994, pp. 87-100. (Thanks to Paula Dailey for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1999-02-17 AIRhead Events ==> Want to host an event? Call or E-mail 617-491-4437. ALTERNATIVELY, please call W.H. Freeman Publishers, publisher of the book "Best of AIR," at 212-576-9423 ==> For updates of this schedule, see http://www.improbable.com BOSKONE 99. FRAMINGHAM, MA SAT, FEB 13 There will be two AIRy events as part of the annual Boskone Scifi convention. * At 11 am, AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will be part of a panel discussion about bad science in science fiction * at 1 pm MARC will present a lecture slide show about Improbable Research and the Ig Nobel Prizes. Includes the classic "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes Shopping." INFO: Deb Geisler www.nesfa.org/boskone FRINGEWARE BOOK STORE, AUSTIN, TEXAS WED, FEB 17 8 pm. 2716 Guadalupe Street. INFO: 512-494-9273 http://www.fringeware.com/ U TEXAS, AUSTIN THURS, FEB 18 5 pm. in Welch 2.122, hosted by the ACS (American Chemical Society) Student Affiliate group. MARC ABRAHAMS will present a lecture/ slide show about this, that, and the other thing. Includes the classic "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes Shopping." Also includes live performance of some sort by two brass playing UT chemistry faculty members. Spectators are humbly requested to wear lab coats (or other inappropriate regalia) and/or bring paper airplanes. INFO: Prof. Ruth McKay (512) 471-5755 TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY FRI, FEB 19 AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present a lecture/ slide show at the Women in Science and Engineering (WISE) meeting. Includes the classic "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes Shopping." INFO: Julia Frugoli , 409-842-2595 ADVENTURES IN CRIME & SPACE BOOKSTORE, AUSTIN SAT, FEB 20 Time TBA. 609 A West Sixth Street. INFO: (512) 473-2665 http://www.eden.com/~acs/ UMASS BOSTON WED, MAR 3 * At noon, in the Wheatley Building, Rm. 1-052, AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will be the guest lecturer in the course on Science for Activists. The topic will be science as a very human, important, and sometimes whimsical activity. * At 1:30, in the Large Science Auditorium (Lipke) on the 2nd floor floor of the Science Building, MARC will give a public talk/slide show that includes the classic "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes Shopping." And... Nobel Laureate WILLIAM LIPSCOMB likely will appear in the flesh at this event! INFO: Prof. Jenna Caldwell 617-287-7152 MIT KNIGHT FELLOWS, CAMBRIDGE MA FRI, MAR 19 3-5 pm. Improbable journalistic seminar for Knight Fellows. Attendance limited to Knight Fellows and Knight Fellow Travelers. No Knaves, please. INTERNATIONAL FOOL-PROOF RESCH SYMPOSIUM, DREXEL U. THURS, APR 1 AIR editorial board member LEONARD X. FINEGOLD will present his latest improbable research as part of Drexel's traditional Apr 1 forum. INFO: Tayfun Akgul http://www.biomed.drexel.edu SIGMA XI, SMITH COLLEGE, NORTHAMPTON, MA THURS, APR 29 AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present an underview of improbable research. Includes the classic slide show "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes Shopping." INFO: Prof. Dany Adams 9TH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY THURS, SEPT 30 Sanders Theater, Harvard University. ANNUAL IG LECTURES FRI, OCT 1 Harvard University -------------------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-18 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improbable.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-19 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is a tiny supplement to the magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ----------------------------------------------------- 1999-02-20 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@chem2.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com WEB SITE: http://www.improbable.com/ --------------------------- 1999-02-21 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1999, Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@chem2.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@best.com) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki Sorel MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================