PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1999-03 March, 1999 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1999-03-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1999-03-01 Table of Contents 1999-03-02 mini-Housekeeping 1999-03-03 What's New in AIR 1999-03-04 Scientific Correctness Survey #403: Global Warming 1999-03-05 What's In a Name? (1) 1999-03-06 What's In a Name? (2) 1999-03-07 Best Wrestlers (1) -- Most Popular 1999-03-09 Best Wrestlers (1) -- Cult Favorites 1999-03-10 Glorious Addresses 1999-03-11 Loftiness 1, El-Masriness 3 1999-03-12 Affirm: Dismiss 1999-03-13 Micro-Canonical Epsilon-Continuity, Anyone? 1999-03-14 Cheated Children 1999-03-15 Project AIRhead 2000 1999-03-16 May We Recommend 1999-03-17 AIRhead Events 1999-03-18 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1999-03-19 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1999-03-20 Our Address (*) 1999-03-21 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-02 mini-Housekeeping 1. GOOD NEWS FOR PHYSICISTS. Scott Sandford's splendidly peculiar article "Good News for American Physicists" will be published in the March/April issue (vol. 5, no. 2) of AIR. In honor of the 100th birthday of the American Physical Society, we have posted a downloadable version at http://www.improbable.com 2. DEUTSCH LUFT: The German edition of "The Best of Annals of Improbable Research" (Marc Abrahams, editor) is soon to be published by Birkhaeuser. It's not too soon to discreetly, charmingly, insistently clamor for it at your local bookstore. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-03 What's New in AIR If you're like most mini-AIR readers, you don't believe there really is a print journal called "Annals of Improbable Research" (AIR). Well, there is. The March/April 99 issue (vol. 5, no. 2) is the Annual Swimsuit Issue. It will soon emerge from the printers. Highlights include: "Improbable Swimsuit Sweeties of 1999," a pictorial tribute to some of today's most stunned or stunning scientists. "Good News for American Physicists," by Scott Sandford. The author analyzes the rising number of awards and prizes given to physicists, compares it to population trends, and calculates how long it will be until every American physicist can expect to receive at least one prize every year. "Gunga Tern," by Mike Dubik. A poetical tribute to the lowly medical intern. "CAFETERIA REVIEW: The Library of Congress," by Stephen Drew. A review of the scholarly world's most bibliophilic research cafeteria, a place where the potato reigns supreme. ...and much, much more. The full table of contents, as well as excerpts from several articles, will be posted on the AIR web site http://www.improbable.com. | FOR FULL TEXT (including lurid photographs) | | OF THE ARTICLES ABSTRACTED HERE | | SEE THE ACTUAL ISSUE OF AIR. | ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-04 Scientific Correctness Survey #403: Global Warming AIR's ongoing series of Scientific Correctness Surveys is settling each of the great scientific controversies. We do this in the simplest, most efficient manner -- by public opinion survey. Here is this month's question: SCIENTIFIC CORRECTNESS SURVEY: Is global warming a genuine problem? ___Yes ___No ___Go to Hell. Help us settle this matter once and for all. Please send your vote to ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-05 What's In a Name? (1) Investigator Paul Kirschner of the Open University of the Netherlands is campaigning for clarity in family names: "Although hyphenated names are common to the Netherlands (on the one hand to denote a maiden and married name in one's last name and on the other to denote 'royalty' as in barons and dukes) there is a professional soccer player that constantly causes confusion. His last name is 'Vennegoor of Hesselink'. In Dutch the word 'of' means or. When I read a newspaper report in which a goal is reported I always ask myself who actually made the goal 'Vennegoor' or 'Hesselink' and why there is always doubt." ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-06 What's In a Name? (2) Investigator Earle Spamer of the Academy of Natural Sciences (in Philadelphia) has discovered three items by authors whose names are better known than their work. Copies of each publication can be found in the U.S. Library of Congress. (For the convenience of anyone visiting the library, we include the call numbers here.) 1. Johann Wilhelm Fuck-Kolloquium (1st : 1987 : Halle an der Saale, Germany) Ibn an-Nadim und die mittelalterliche arabische Litera tur: Beitrage zum 1. Johann Wilhelm Fuck-Kolloquium (Halle 1987) Wiesbaden : Harrassowitz, 1996. 149 p. ; 24 cm. LC CALL NUMBER: PJ7530 .J6 1996 2. Fuck, Irene Terezinha. Alfabetizacao de adultos : relato de uma experiencia construtivista / Petropolis: Vozes, 1993. 102 p. :ill. ; 23 cm. LC CALL NUMBER: LC155.B7 F83 1993 3. Fuck, Johann, 1894-1974. Arabische Kultur und Islam im Mittelalter : ausgewahlte Schriften / Weimar : H. Bohlaus Nachfolger, 1981. 370 p., [1] leaf of plates: port. ; 25 cm. LC CALL NUMBER: DS36.85 .F832 1981 We recommend that you go to your local library and request these items. Please report any untoward events to . ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-07 Best Wrestlers (1) -- Most Popular Many and varied are the votes we received for last month's survey question: Of all different kinds of scientists and doctors, which make the best professional wrestlers? Numerous voters, many of whom used only a first name (led by Nick of Auckland), insisted that proctologists make the best wrestlers. But for every proctological vote, we received more than two in favor of a more structurally supportive medical specialty: "Orthopedists know the easiest ways to break bones." -- Michelle Garrison "As an operating room nurse of many years standing (way too little sitting!), I nominate orthopedic surgeons due to their ability to twist and tug." -- Sandra Bailey, PhD, RN, CNOR "Orthopedic Surgeons. No explanation required if you have ever seen them perform surgery." -- Matthew R. Healey "Orthopaedic surgeons - they tend to be big beefy ex-football players with few brains." -- Mark Pulley "Orthopedic surgeons, who are allegedly as strong as an ox and twice as smart, or was that as smart as an ox and twice as strong?" -- Mark Niemer ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-09 Best Wrestlers (1) -- Cult Favorites Some voters went against the crowd, insisting on their own favorites: "Anthesiologists: Wicked sleeper holds." -- Parminder Basran "A mathematician. Obviously." -- Kristina Sontag "Geomorphologists, because they stay fit through field work climbing mountains and sand dunes and they are mean because they get no respect as real scientists." -- Linda Lea Jones "A very large scientist and/or doctor with a chiseled body, a 24 inch vertical leap, really great teeth, and a very, very bad attitude. Probably a field geologist, because they lug heavy rocks all over for no apparent reason and so are in the best shape." -- Ed Theriot "My vote is for pediatricians. They get the most on the job training. Ever try to examine an unhappy 3 year old?" -- Sarah Getzler (self-described mother of two and former lab tech) "Lepidopterists are adept at pinning their subjects to the mat." -- Paul Chapin "Archeologists who work in the field have to do manual labor. They're probably the strongest scientists on average." -- Alan Barksdale "Psychiatrists. They have the advantage of using psychology to make the opponent defeat himself. Very little blood is spilled or violence displayed, because it all happens in the mind!" -- Arif Shahabuddin "Ornithologists, particularly those who specialize in banding ostriches." -- Joanne Cook "From prime experience, my largish husband, William Texas Bradley, neurologist in Fort Worth, Texas, would make the best professional wrestler type. I may have a master's in English, but he still provides physical 'airplane rides' which I am unable to avoid. (I bet you wonder what THAT means!)" -- Baronda E. Bradley More next month, perhaps. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-10 Glorious Addresses In response to Investigator C. Myers's quest to determine the most obnoxious or pretentious return address, many a grand entry has lorded its way into our e-mailbox. Here are three ornate ones. Investigator Eric Marston submits: Prof. (XXXXX) (XXXXXXXX) Wellcome Senior Fellow for Medical Science in SA Associate Professor, Dept. of Medicine Dept. of Molecular Biology and Clinical Chemistry Lennox Eales Porphyria Laboratories UCT/MRC Liver Research Centre Room 38, K-floor, Old Groote Schuur Main Building Observatory 7925 Cape Town, SOUTH AFRICA Investigator M. en C. Eduardo René Rodríguez Ávila (whose name has been cruelly mangled by the electronic mangling machine known as the Internet) submits: Prof. (XXXXX) (XXXXXXXX) Departamento de Maestría en Informática. Edificio de Posgrado, Sección de Estudios de Posgrado e Investigación, Unidad Profesional Interdisciplinaria de Ingeniería y Ciencias Sociales y Administrativas - Instituto Politécnico Nacional, Av. Te 950, Col. Granjas Delegación Iztacalco, Ciudad de México, Distrito Federal, México. Investigator Gabriel Neve offers us: Prof. (XXXXX) (XXXXXXXX) Aspirant FNRS Universite catholique de Louvain Faculte des Sciences agronomiques Departement des Sciences du milieu et de l'amenagement du territoire Unite de Biometrie et Analyse des donnees Croix du Sud 2/16 B-1348 Louvain-la-Neuve BELGIUM [Neve notes that "FNRS" stands for "Fonds National de la Recherche Scientifique"] Congratulations to all the lucky holders of such prestigious return addresses! Everyone, undoubtedly, is proud of you. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-11 Loftiness 1, El-Masriness 3 Parasitophilic investigator Wendy Cooper has found a worthy entry for our lengthy list of like-named co-authors: "Study of Possible Zoonotic Parasites of Domestic Rats," S.A. El- Masry, M.A. El-Masry, N.F. Lofty and S.F El-Masry, "Bulletin of the High Institute of Public Health," vol. 15, 1985, pp. 47-53. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-12 Affirm: Dismiss The appeals court in Chicago has affirmed that the loopy lawsuit against AIR and our editor has been dismissed. Again, our fervent thanks to the many of you who helped us defend against this strange, cold dark matter from deep space. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-13 Micro-Canonical Epsilon-Continuity, Anyone? Investigator M. Markley has unearthed a worthy contender in our never-ending Sentence-of-Death Contest. This lyrical, lovely sentence appears in the paper "Epsilon-Ergodicity and the Success of Equilibrium Statistical Mechanics, P.B.M. Vranas, "Philosophy of Science," vol. 65, no. 4, 1998, pp. 688-708. "In response I define the generalized properties of epsilon- ergodicity and epsilon-continuity, I review computational evidence indicating that systems of interest are epsilon-ergodic, I adapt Malament and Zabell's defense of absolute continuity to support epsilon-continuity, and I prove that, for epsilon-ergodic systems, every epsilon-continuous invariant probability measure is very close to the microcanonical." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-14 Cheated Children Investigator Eric Rickin reports that if you go to this link: http://journals.ohiolink.edu/etext/08999007/v0014i10/9800077x.html and you look up this article: Nutrition, Vol: 14, Issue: 10, October 1998 you will find this: |Title: Recent trends in infant nutrition - | children aged 112 to 412 years |Authors: Lawson, M. |Address: Childhood Nutrition Research Centre, | Institute of Child Health,, London, UK |Source: Nutrition, Vol: 14, Issue: 10, October 1998 However, the text of the article appears to contain typographical errors. These errors would mislead you into thinking that the article is about young children rather than aged ones. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-15 Project AIRhead 2000 Here is a further random selection from the Project AIRhead 2000 collection of things named (in whole or in part) 2000. ITEM #50338 (submitted by investigator H. Paul Shuch) "AER 2000," a fleet of airplanes observed on the tarmac at London's Gatwick Airport. ITEM #41 (submitted by investigator Frank Nice) "TEXAS 2000 MOMENT," announcements on TV Station KENS, Channel 5, in San Antonio, Texas. ITEMS 3064-A,B,C (submitted by investigator Scott Tyack) [Note: full details for can be found at http://www.danoz.com.au] DANOZ PEST CONTROL 2000, a "pest control method" which "has been designed and strategically positioned so that it can be tuned and adjusted to affect a wide range of pests." DANOZ IRON SLIDE 2000, "a revolutionary new ironing system that cuts your ironing time in half." DANOZ PRO-JET 2000, "the world's most powerful car washing system for your hose." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-16 May We Recommend Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (This item is in addition to the many, many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) SOMETHING TO CHEW ON "Cannibalism: ecology and evolution among diverse taxa", M.A. Elgar and B.J. Crespi (editors), Oxford University Press, 1992. (Thanks to Wendy Cooper for bringing this to our attention.) On page 361 the paper gets right to the nub of the matter: "Cannibalism is a particularly antisocial form of behaviour". A FLOW FUNCTION "Beer consumption as a function of music and the presence of others," D.R. Drews, D.B. Vaughn, and A. Anfiteatro, "Journal of the Pennsylvania Academy of Science," vol. 65, no. 3, 1992, pp. 134-6. (Thanks to Earle Spamer for bringing this to our attention.) The authors determined that: "Both the presence of music and of drinking partners increased the length of stay and music increased the amount consumed." ------------------------------------------------------------ 1999-03-17 AIRhead Events ==> Want to host an event? Call or E-mail 617-491-4437. ALTERNATIVELY, please call W.H. Freeman Publishers, publisher of the book "Best of AIR," at 212-576-9423 ==> For updates of this schedule, see http://www.improbable.com MIT KNIGHT FELLOWS, CAMBRIDGE MA FRI, MAR 19 3-5 pm. Improbable journalistic seminar for Knight Fellows. Attendance limited to Knight Fellows and Knight Fellow Travelers. INTERNATIONAL FOOL-PROOF RESCH SYMPOSIUM, DREXEL U. THURS, APR 1 AIR editorial board member LEONARD X. FINEGOLD will present his latest improbable research as part of Drexel's traditional Apr 1 forum. INFO: Tayfun Akgul http://www.biomed.drexel.edu SIGMA XI, SMITH COLLEGE, NORTHAMPTON, MA THURS, APR 29 AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present an underview of improbable research. Includes the classic slide show "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes Shopping." INFO: Prof. Dany Adams 9TH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY THURS, SEPT 30 Sanders Theater, Harvard University. Tickets will go on sale in August. ANNUAL IG LECTURES FRI, OCT 1 Harvard University -------------------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-18 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improbable.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-19 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is a tiny supplement to the magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ----------------------------------------------------- 1999-03-20 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@chem2.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com WEB SITE: http://www.improbable.com/ --------------------------- 1999-03-21 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1999, Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@chem2.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@best.com) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki Sorel MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================