PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1999-06 June, 1999 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1999-06-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1999-06-01 Table of Contents 1999-06-02 mini-Housekeeping 1999-06-03 What's New in AIR Itself 1999-06-04 X, Y, and Thee 1999-06-05 Yoram A. Puius 1999-06-06 Glorious Boring List 1999-06-07 EDITORIAL: The Artificial Jerk 1999-06-08 End of the End-Of Debate 1999-06-09 Italian Half-Naked Woman Science Query 1999-06-10 Einstein's Brain and You 1999-06-11 Li, Li, Li, Zhang, Zhang, Zhang, Chen, Chen, Chen,... 1999-06-12 "Pictoral Concept Ship" Explained 1999-06-13 Project AIRhead 2000 1999-06-14 May We Recommend 1999-06-15 AIRhead Events 1999-06-16 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1999-06-17 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1999-06-18 Our Address (*) 1999-06-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-02 mini-Housekeeping 1. There will be AIR events in Washington DC on June 30 and July 1. See section 1999-06-15. 2. The Italian edition of "AIR" book has just been published. See section 1999-06-09. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-03 What's New in AIR Itself AIR 5:3 (May/June 1999) is the special "SCIENCE & THE MOVIES" issue. If you haven't seen your copy yet, or if your library unfathomably does not yet subscribe to AIR, here is a further sampling of items that you are missing: "Introductory Thermodynamics for Martini Drinkers (With Laboratory Exercises)," by Peter J. Carrato. The author presents a stirring, earthshaking, thoroughly scientific introduction to this field. "Spot the Typos Contest," In the latest incarnation of this interminable contest, readers are challenged to "Can Fame Be Measured Quantitatively?," by Eric Schulman. After attempting to quantify the fame of several famous people and of one relatively unknown person (E. Spamer), the author concludes that the answer to his question is Yes. "Should Fame Be Measured Quantitatively?" by Earle Spamer. After attempting to quantify the fame of several famous people and of one relatively unknown person (E. Schulman), the author concludes that the answer to his question is No. "Ask Symmetra," by scientist/Supermodel Symmetra. In her regular column, Symmetra uses a simple heat transfer equation to analyze a reader's romance that is entering a new phase. "Walt Whitman at Lunchtime," by Robert R. Pascal. The poet Pascal sings a song of Whitman, beginning thusly: "I hear America belching; the varied eructation Of a self-indulgent, prosperous, technologic nation On the run. No time to repose at mid-day, civilized repast..." And ending with the ecstatic: "I sing the song of glutition, the song of satiety, the song of reflux." These and many other articles and features are in the current issue of AIR. A full table of contents will be posted on the AIR web site (http:// www.improbable.com) any day now, our web archivist tells us. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-04 X, Y, and Thee This month's Scientific Correctness Survey (#17) is a simple one. The question is: On average, which group is more intelligent: men or women? Like all our Scientific Correctness Surveys, this one will settle a burning scientific controversy in the simplest and most decisive way possible: by conducting a public opinion survey. Once the results are in, no one need ever again debate the question. Here is the ballot: * * * ____Men ____Women Optional insightful comment (25 words max): * * * Please send your vote to ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-05 Yoram A. Puius We have received a letter from Yoram A. Puius. It is provocative. Here is the letter sent us by Yoram A. Puius: Concerning the recent mini-AIR discussion of odd names: how does mine stand up? Its resemblance to actual English words is marginal (although any creative third-grader can make the jump to scatological quasi-homonyms), but I think it just stands out on general oddness. Once I dated a woman for six months who never learned how to properly pronounce my last name more than 50% of the time. Yours, Yoram A. Puius If you believe you can help Yoram A. Puius in his quest for knowledge or in his quest for a linguistically talented romantic companion, please get in touch with him at the M.D.-Ph.D. program at the Department of Biochemistry of Albert Einstein College of Medicine. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-06 Glorious Boring List We are compiling a list of gloriously boring journal titles, academic conference titles, department names, etc. The project was suggested by the reputedly glorious but not boring Charles Oppenheim of the Department of Information Science at Loughborough University. Professor Oppenheim sends the first entry for this list: INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL ON GREY LITERATURE For information on this splendid publication, INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL ON GREY LITERATURE, see http://www.mcb.co.uk/ijgl.htm If you find a gloriously boring title we should add to the list, please send it here to . Please use your discretion. We are NOT seeking titles that are merely boring. We are seeking those whose boringness is glorious. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-07 EDITORIAL: The Artificial Jerk THE FOLLOWING IS AN AIR EDITORIAL. We call upon the world's biotechnologists to develop an artificial jerk. We need the artificial jerk, we need it now. Here's why. A recent article in the New York Times said that researchers are working on an artificial dog. There are now, or will soon be, a host of artificial organisms walking, swimming (the artificial tuna), flying (the artificial archaeopteryx), and scurrying (the artificial cockroach) in our midst (the dog), above our midst (the archaeopteryx), and below our midst (the tuna and the cockroach). The inventors of these mechano-thingies say that in creating artificial creatures that behave like the real ones, they will gain insights as to how and why the natural objects behave as they do. Now, many people are afflicted by real cockroaches. Some people are afflicted by real dogs. A few people, presumably, are afflicted by real tuna. And perhaps somewhere there is someone who believes he or she is afflicted by a real archaeopteryx. Everyone, however -- EVERYONE -- is afflicted by real jerks. Science has been able to crack some tough nuts. Let's see whether we can make progress in understanding and dealing with the toughest nuts, the real jerks. Our goal for the new millennium is not merely to understand the real jerks, but to replace them with artificial jerks that are radio- or Internet-controllable. That, truly, would be a giant leap for mankind. Thank you. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-08 End of the End-Of Debate This month's AIRhead Scientific Debate topic was the question posed by investigator Laura Peebles: Hypothesis: "If it has an end, it has an other end." Prove or disprove. We asked for a proof or disproof, in 30 simple words or less. Here are the results. Investigator Jonny Barrett sent an elegant proof that he derived using Number Theory. However, Barrett's proof exceeds the thirty-word limit. Thus it would not fit in mini-AIR. Thus is must be declared marginal. Many readers sent what might be called "proof by example." These will be published, all of them, as a separate volume some time late in the 21st century. (Time permits their inclusion here, but pace does not.) Several readers offered proofs, of sorts, to support the contention. Among the least execrable: Jussi Karlgren (echoed by Florian Rudolph IN GERMANY): In Swedish we are able to - and many do - say, "Everything has an end, but the sausage has two." Paul Durrant (with an argument echoed by several other investigators): The hypothesis is trivially true: 'it' does have an end - 't' 'it' also has an other end - 'i' Many readers offered disproofs. Some were persuasive, some make sense, and others are otherwise. Here is an unrepresentative sampling: Albert N Pergande, M. Scullin, W.G. Beck, and numerous others, one of whose proofs is given in the item following this one): A geometric ray (closed) has one end point, with the other end extending to infinity. This clearly contradicts the thesis, and by induction the theorem is disproved. QED. So there. Told YOU, didn't I? Kevin D. Webster: Although I've never seen one, my math instructor assured me that a ray has an end but not an other end. Goes to show just how invaluable math class was. Carl Witthoft: The capital printed letter "Q". Philip Marshall: As any archeologist will tell you, field research disproves this hypothesis. Any artifact which sheds light on ancient human culture obviously hints at the time before the origin of the object. Thus, no matter how far back you go there is not the other end, but simply "farther back." I hope this puts and end to the issue of finality. Kelvin Wilson: I am an theology student. Your conundrum, it has great significance for pastoral ministry. If the end of an event is not observed, does it end de facto? If I fall asleep during a sermon, can the sermon then ever have been said to end for me? Does that mean I am living through several unended -- and unending -- sermons? Is that hell? Walter Leight: Bertrand Russell's counterexample: Put the words "an end" inside an otherwise empty sphere. The sphere has an end, but no other end. William T. Bradley: Let me also assure Peebles that -- if she is correct -- her next airplane ride will have one and only one end... ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-09 Italian Half-Naked Woman Science Query This is an appeal to all Italian scientists. We are eager to learn what percentage of science books published in Italy have pictures of half-naked women on the cover. To scientists outside Italy, this may seem an unusual question. It arose here because we have just received the first copy of the newly published Italian edition of the book "The Best of Annals of Improbable Research." The cover of the original, English-language edition [ISBN 0-7167-3094-4] features a pair of crossed eyes and a test tube. The cover of the recently published German-language edition [ISBN 3-7643-5941-2] features a blue earth floating in space surrounded by giant roasted peanuts. The cover of the Italian-language edition ["La scienza impossibile. Il Meglio degli <>, published by Garzanti, ISBN 88-11-59291-7] is devoid of test tubes, planets, or giant roasted peanuts. It has a picture of a half-naked woman, whose identity is unknown to us. Thus our question. Being rather unfamiliar with Italian book publishers, we are curious as to whether all Italian science books have half-naked women on the cover, or whether merely a majority of them do. Please send your data to marca@chem2.harvard.edu ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-10 Einstein's Brain and You The AIRhead Brain Research Survey asks you to consider two facts. First, that Sandra Witelson and her colleagues at McMaster University have reported (in the June 19 issue of The Lancet) that Albert Einstein's brain is shaped differently from most other brains -- that its inferior parietal lobes are larger, that its sulcus is incomplete, and that there is a surfeit of glial cells. Second, that your mother has reported (in numerous publications and private communications) that you are a genius. Now please answer our Einstein's Brain and You Survey Form: * * * ____My brain is JUST LIKE Einstein's brain ____My brain is shaped BETTER THAN Einstein's brain ____My brain is shaped like a MEDIOCRE, AVERAGE brain Optional insightful comment (25 words max): * * * Please send your completed form to ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-11 Li, Li, Li, Zhang, Zhang, Zhang, Chen, Chen, Chen,... What is the upper limit for number of research paper co-authors who share a family name? The exact value may be difficult to identify, but the paper's country of origin likely is easy. Investigator Michael Sivertz writes: "Research papers in High Energy Physics from China have a great advantage in this respect; there is a severe shortage of family names in China, so when a research project involving more than 100 people publishes a paper, many of the authors must share a family name. "A cursory scan of the literature shows that the BES (Beijing Electron Synchrotron) collaboration with 147 participants published a paper entitled 'Experiment (sic) Study of f0(975) in J/Psi decays' in High Energy Phys. Nucl. Phys. 19, 125-131, 1995 (and many, many other papers) in which ten (10) authors share the family name Li, eleven authors share the name Zhang, seven authors are Chens. "Since most other disciplines do not publish papers with more than 11 authors total, this instance must rank highly in your multiplicity study." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-12 "Pictoral Concept Ship" Explained The mystery is solved. Several crack investigators sent explanations as to what on earth the phrase "Pictoral Concept Ship" means. [The phrase embellished the title of a paper recently given by doctoral student Robert Clarke at the University of Central England.] Here are the most rational explanations we received: The phrase means "we think it looks like a boat." --Andrea Bozoki "Pictor" is the name of a constellation in the Southern Hemisphere, consisting primarly of the outline of an easel, situated just below the (missing) prow of the constellation Argo, a ship which consists of a stern and little else. It is therefore hardly a "ship," but certainly contains a reference to the idea or "concept" of a ship. Astronomically, an epoch is "an instant in time arbitrarily selected as a point of reference" [Webster]. Mr. Clarke thus seems to be comparing astronomical "points of reference." --D. Faustroll (with apologies to John, Paul, George, and Ringo): We all live in pictoral concept ships, pictoral concept ships... --Brandi Baros The Picts were an ancient British race that became amalgamated with the Scots, and this union was often initiated aboard vessels termed conception ships, or concept ships for short. --Carol Withrow, Retired Old Lady Three random words juxtaposed to provoke meaningless discussion. It worked. --Dave Hubble ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-13 Project AIRhead 2000 Here is a further random selection from the Project AIRhead 2000 collection of things inexplicably named (in whole or in part) 2000. ITEM 1999999999 (submitted by investigator John Jamison) WINDOWS 2000, a shrink-wrapped cardboard box. ITEM 88 (submitted by Brandi Baros) ANGELS 2000, a bra from Victoria's Secret made from a "shiny, space-age Fabric." ITEM 3027 (submitted by investigators Ezra Bob Tanenbaum and J. P. Alsobrook II) Hypo-Sterile 2000, a "revolutionary stand-alone medical device" that is able to "render medical contaminants harmless" and for which there is "almost limitless demand in the market place" and which is the basis of incessant junk email touting the purchase of stock in something called PDC Innovative Industries. ITEM 7-11 (submitted by investigator and proofreader Wendy Mattson) WORLD LOTTO 2000, a "Premium Lottery that offers players great value while capturing the anticipation, excitement and grandeur of the coming of the New Millennium." ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-14 May We Recommend Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (This item is in addition to the many, many which appear in the pages of AIR itself.) ScandalOUS Spud STORY "Hot Potatoes in the Gray Literature," Brian Pon & Alan Meier, Recent Research in the Building Energy Analysis Group [Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory], no. 3, October 1993. The report explains that: Utilities generate numerous reports, technical memos, and evaluations which are never catalogued or published. [We] assessed this uncatalogued, or "gray," literature.... One of the more interesting examples was a reference to electrical ignitors in new gas ovens. [Using that data, we discovered that modern] gas ovens use more electricity than microwaves to bake a single potato! A SCREED TO HEED "Colour Atlas of Weed Seedlings," J.B.Williams and J.R.Morrison, Wolfe Publishers, London, 1987. (Thanks to Dave Hubble for bringing this to our attention.) A CRITERION AT LAST "Acceptability of fruit purees in peanut butter, oatmeal, and chocolate chip reduced-fat cookies," R.B. Swanson and L.J. Munsayac, Journal of the American Dietary Association, vol. 99, no. 3, March 1999, pp. 343-5. (Thanks to Yoram A. Puius for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1999-06-15 AIRhead Events ==> Want to host an event? Call or E-mail 617-491-4437. ALTERNATIVELY, please call W.H. Freeman Publishers, publisher of the book "Best of AIR," at 212-576-9423 ==> For updates of this schedule, see http://www.improbable.com LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, WASHINGTON, DC WED, JUNE 30 Noon, in the Madison Building. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present an underview of improbable research. Includes the classic slide show "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes Shopping." Also: special micro-lecture by ERIC SCHULMAN (author of the book "A Briefer History of Time"). INFO: Georgia Higley 202-707-2963 SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION (or somewhere very near it) WASHINGTON, DC WED, JUNE 30 Evening. Time and exact location TBA. PLEASE CHECK THE AIR WEB SITE http://www.improbable.com/ AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present an underview of improbable research. Includes the classic slide show "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes Shopping." Also: special micro-lecture by ERIC SCHULMAN (author of the book "A Briefer History of Time"). INFO: Sally Shelton 202-786-2601 NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF STANDARDS & TECHNOLOGY THURS, JULY 1 11:00 am. The Green Auditorium, building 101, NIST main campus. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present an underview of improbable research. Includes the classic slide show "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes Shopping." Also: special micro-lecture by ERIC SCHULMAN (author of the book "A Briefer History of Time"). INFO: Jim Fowler (301) 975-3180 9TH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY THURS, SEPT 30 Sanders Theater, Harvard University. Tickets will go on sale in August. ANNUAL IG LECTURES SAT, OCT 2 Kresge Little Theater, MIT CHEMICAL INSTITUTE OF CANADA, TORONTO SECTION WED, DEC. 8 Time and exact location TBA. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present an underview of improbable research. Includes the classic slide show "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes Shopping." INFO: Jack Clark |--- ADVANCE LISTING--| MEDICAL LIBRARY ASSOCIATION, UNIV OF UTAH Sept 9-15, 2002 Exact date and location(s) TBA. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present a lecture on improbable research at a meeting of the Midcontinental Chapter of the Medical Library Association (MCMLA), and be part of a panel discussion on electronic publishing. INFO: Kathleen McCloskey 801/585-5743 -------------------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-16 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improbable.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-17 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is a tiny supplement to the magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ----------------------------------------------------- 1999-06-18 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@chem2.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com WEB SITE: http://www.improbable.com/ --------------------------- 1999-06-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1999, Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@chem2.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@best.com) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki Rohloff MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================