PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1999-11 November, 1999 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1999-11-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1999-11-01 Table of Contents 1999-11-02 mini-Housekeeping 1999-11-03 What's in the Magazine 1999-11-04 Beloved Building 1999-11-05 Ig Radio Broadcast Nov. 26 1999-11-06 Microwave Dirt Alert 1999-11-07 Cotton Man 1999-11-08 Math's Cutting Edge 1999-11-09 Foggy Fogies 1999-11-10 New Zealand Alert (New Mexico, etc., too) 1999-11-11 Most Controversial 1999-11-12 Most Controversial (English) 1999-11-13 Project AIRhead 2000: Threats & Results 1999-11-14 Relentless With a Biscuit 1999-11-15 Tsk, Tsk, Zap 1999-11-16 Least Significant 1999-11-17 The Verdict on GM Crops 1999-11-18 Ancient Wisdom 1999-11-19 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Bad Breath and Eye, Parrot Foot 1999-11-20 AIRhead Events 1999-11-21 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1999-11-22 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1999-11-23 Our Address (*) 1999-11-24 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-02 mini-Housekeeping TORONTO 3 AIR shows happening up in TORONTO in early Dec. (see Section 1999-11-20) NEW ZEALAND -- NEW MEXICO -- DC Hosts urgently wanted for AIR shows in New Zealand (in Dec or Jan), New Mexico (Early Feb), and the DC area (Mid Feb). (see Section 1999-11-10) ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-03 What's in the Magazine AIR 5:6 (November/December 1999) is the long-awaited special EDUCATION (or perhaps SPECIAL EDUCATION) issue. It includes, among other things: "The Dead Grandmother / Exam Syndrome," by Mike Adams. The phenomenon is studied in depth. It can be described as follows: A student's grandmother is far more likely to die suddenly just before the student takes an exam than at any other time of year. "To His (Her?) Uncomprehending Student in the Special Help Session," a poem by Robert M. Hawthorne. It begins: "Had we but world enough, and time, This slowness, Laddie, were no crime, We would sit down and think which way To think, to cipher, and to weigh The many ways that we might wend To come at last to problem's end..." "How to Get Tenure," by Harry N. David. The author describes a range of services to bolster one's shot at tenure. These include paid recommendations, flurries of reprint requests mailed from prestigious addresses, and other basics. "Adhesive Tape Technology and the Rapid Expansion of Surgical Sub- Specialties," by Mort Malkin. The surgical profession has undergone major changes, most of which can be attributed to adhesive tape. These and many, many other articles and features are in the current issue of AIR. You are, of course, invited to subscribe to that splendid magazine. (What you are reading at this moment, of course, is mini-AIR, a tiny, monthly, electronic supplement to the print magazine.) ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-04 Beloved Building If you are the president or chancellor of a relatively young college or university, we invite you to join the Grand Old Building Movement Foundation (GOBMF). We at GOBMF will help you obtain that which you most desire: a historic, atmospheric old laboratory building that inspires alumni/ae to weep tears and cough up donations. Many older institutions have buildings that are just what you need, and are only too eager to replace them with shiny new glass- and-steel towers. Almost always, the old buildings are just knocked down. Such waste! We at GOBMF would be happy to help you obtain title to an otherwise doomed old laboratory building, and move it by trailer truck, C5A transport plane, barge, trebuchet, or Federal Express to your campus. This month's special is Gibbs Laboratory, a magnificent, historic, small brick building at Harvard University (see http://www.fas.harvard.edu/map/Level4/SciLabs/gibbs.shtml). Gibbs Laboratory is scheduled for demolition in March of next year. If you have a suitable home for it, and the willingness and ability to move it lock, stock, and vacuum hoods, please get in touch with us right away at: Grand Old Building Movement Foundation C/O Annals of Improbable Research ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-05 Ig Radio Broadcast Nov. 26 The Ig radio broadcast will be Friday, Nov. 26, the day after American Thanksgiving, on NPR's "Science Friday" program. The Ig will be hour one of the two-hour program. See http://www.sciencefriday.com for a list of stations and times. General Ig info is at http://www.improbable.com/ig/ig-top.html ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-06 Microwave Dirt Alert Investigator Paul Koch sends the following alert, which assaulted him in the Fall, 1999 issue of the research journal Nurse Line: "In the spring issue of _Nurse Line_, we suggested disinfecting wooden cutting boards and utensils in a microwave for up to five minutes. A few readers wrote to let us know that some wooden items charred after a few minutes in the microwave. "Because of variations in microwave power and wood, we now recommend that you do not use a microwave to disinfect wooden items. Instead, run them through the dishwasher, or scrub with soap and hot water." ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-07 Cotton Man The news that Bayer Corporation has stopped putting little cotton wads in its aspirin bottles has sent shock waves through the scientific community. (See the October, 1999 issue of "Packaging World" for details of the stoppage.) Investigator J. Ramon Pierce sent us this plea, which we pass on to you: "I have been collecting and studying the cotton in Bayer aspirin bottles since 1952. (I am primarily interested in their structure.) Mine is the third largest fully documented, fully catalogued such collection in the world. Due to an illness, I was unable to obtain any cotton specimens from bottles packed during the period May 18-24, 1998. If any of your readers have such specimens I would be grateful to hear from them." Investigator Pierce does not have email. Anyone wishing to correspond with him is invited to write us at: Ramon Pierce Aspirin Cotton Collector C/O Annals of Improbable Research and we will forward your message to it to its ultimate destination. Please do not send cotton wads, or cotton anything, to us, as we lack the proper machinery. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-08 Math's Cutting Edge Several mathematicians have written us lately to complain about "the unfairness of it all." They are upset that the plural of the word "AXIS" (an item they use professionally) is the same as the plural of the word "AX" (an item they prefer to use only when off duty). We have been unable to calm these anguished individuals, and would like to hear from anyone who can help them. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-09 Foggy Fogies As we approach the Great Rolling of the Digits, in which one will become two and three nines will be replaced by zeroes, it is time to answer a question that has puzzled many of our professional mathematician readers: What is ethnomathematics? Like you, we had not the foggiest idea. This month's Fog Survey Question is: "Who has *THE* foggiest idea of what ethnomathematics is? That is, whose idea is the most foggy?" Please vote for one of the following, or write in your own candidate's name: #1. Ubiratan D'Ambrosio, who according to several sites on the Internet has defined Ethnomathemtics as "the maths practised among cultural groups such as national-tribal societies, labour groups, children of a certain age bracket, professional classes and so on" #17. Arthur B. Powell and Marilyn Frankenstein, editors of the book "Ethnomathematics" (State University of New York Press, 1997. #496. The International Study Group on Ethnomathematics, whose web site is http://www.rpi.edu/~eglash/isgem.htm The above choices are numbered ethnomathematically. Please send your vote to ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-10 New Zealand Alert (New Mexico, etc., too) Millennial Diva Margot Button, star of the Ig Nobel mini-operas, will be visiting her native New Zealand, avec entourage, during December and January. If you are in New Zealand and would like to host a special AIR show (with Ig opera songs and a special AIR slide show) please get in touch RIGHT NOW with us at or with Margot at . On February 5, AIR's editor will be in New Mexico doing an AIR show at New Mexico Tech. If you are elsewhere in New Mexico, and would like to host an AIR show around then, please get in touch SOON. Ditto for AIR shows in the Washington, DC area in mid-to- late Feb, and California in March or April. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-11 Most Controversial This month's education survey asked: "What subject do you personally find controversial, and so want removed from the schools?" The survey was inspired by the educational authorities in several American states, who insist that evolution should not be mentioned in classrooms because it is "controversial." Here are the subjects that should be banned by popular demand. 29% Religion 28% Language (reading and/or writing) 19% History 9% Physical Education (aka "gym") 9% Trigonometry 6% other things (less than 1% vote for each) Some specific comments: "All subjects are potentially controversial. Therefore, I don't think schools should teach anything; they should just be large repositories of information, with a staff of excellent librarians." --Peggy Coquet "Homework is a significant source of parent/child discord. It should be eliminated." --Jim Spahr "I attended private Catholic schools so there were no controversial subjects or theories that could not be answered by a church authority." --Peter Andrijeski "I like piano music, but my husband prefers violin music. If we had any kids, and they came home talking about music, it would start an argument." --Betty Lise Anderson "Speling is possably the most controvurshul subjek." --Iain Gallimore "I have tired of reading all the controversy surrounding the existence (or non-existence) of sub-atomic particles. Let's stop teaching about sub-atomic physics, and its kindred cousin, quantum mechanics. In all probability, it's all just a bunch of equations, anyway." --Barry Lunt ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-12 Most Controversial (English) Certain respondents to the Controversial Survey were convulsed, in one way or another, with or by the English language. The following comments express their anguish: "I think English grammar should be banned from schools. I wasted many hours arguing over whether 'to boldly go' was acceptable, or improper because of the split infinitive." --E.A. Gedeon "I want the entire subject of mathematics banned from classroom because I was a math-challenged English major, and therefore mathematics damages my self-esteem." --Gwyn McVay "Our Organic Chemistry 2 class at the University of Wisconsin unanimously agreed that we could get a bunch of money for new chemistry equipment if the entire English department was eliminated." --Kurt Swends "Foreign languages. All sensible people speak UK English." --D. Ibbetson ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-13 Project AIRhead 2000: Threats & Results Here is a further random selection from the Project AIRhead 2000 collection of things inexplicably named (in whole or in part) 2000. ITEM 1212120 (submitted by investigator Phillip I. Goldman) MOSAIC-2000, a software program that "begins testing, at more than 20 schools in December, its technique of confidentially vetting and rating potentially violent students on a scale of 1 to 10." [That description is from the New York Times.] The program is being developed by the US Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms working together with something called a "threat-evaluation company." ITEM 20002 (submitted by investigator Lyle Wiedeman) "RESULTS 2000: JOIN THE MASTERS OF OUR TIME," an event scheduled to happen on December 7 in Anaheim, California and at other times in other places. The lineup is listed on their web site (www.results2000.net) as follows: Featuring: Anthony Robbins, William Bennett, Brian Tracy, Sanford Botkin Special Guests: Hollywood Celebrity, Wayne Gretzky, Larry King, & Billy Blanks ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-14 Relentless With a Biscuit Len Fisher, co-winner of this year's Ig Nobel Physics Prize, for discovering the optimal way to dunk a biscuit, is at it again. Fisher and his colleagues have now determined which beverages most enhance the flavor of which biscuits. Thanks to investigator Nigel Birch and others for alerting us to the news. A report can be seen at http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_510000/510044.stm ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-15 Tsk, Tsk, Zap Many and varied have been the responses to our Tsk, Tsk Task Survey (of disgusting tasks assigned by scientists to their assistants). This one is from investigator JC, who requests that his full name not be mentioned: "You know those invisible fences they have for dogs? The kind that gives the dog an electric shock if it crosses a perimeter wire? How do you suppose they develop the thing that delivers the shock? I was doing some consulting work for a company that I won't name, and the engineer working on the dog collar would make some tweaks to the circuit, put his hand near it, and turn it on. He'd recoil violently from the shock, then call over the technician and say, 'Okay, try it now.' "The technician would leave his computer and come over to the bench, and put his hand on the collar as power was applied. If it was really working well, he'd look like a cartoon character with his finger in a light socket. The one post-zap comment I remember was, 'The initial shock is better than this morning, but then it's not so good.'" ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-16 Least Significant We have all forgotten to honor the Least Significant Scientist of the Century. It's time to choose that person, and celebrate. Please send your vote for Least Significant Scientist of the Twentieth Century to ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-17 The Verdict on GM Crops Here are the results of our Scientific Correctness Survey about genetically modified ("GM") crops: 17% GM crops are beneficial and risk-free, and must not be restricted 17% GM crops are vile and dangerous, and must be banned 33% I am undecided, and therefore opt for Choice #1 33% I am undecided, and therefore opt for Choice #2 RANT RATING FOR THIS SURVEY: 52% of all respondents who included a comment used an exclamation point (!) As with all our Scientific Correctness Surveys, this one settles a complex issue by means of a simple public opinion survey. Now we can all either stop thinking about it or start thinking about it, as the case may be, and move on. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1999-11-18 Ancient Wisdom The holidays are approaching. A gift subscription to Annals of Improbable Research is cheap, and will display your generosity not once but six, twelve, or eighteen times (according to how many years the subscription runs). Best of all, it will let you say of your gift recipient: "He/she has been an AIRhead since the twentieth century!" (Sub info in section 1999-11-21 below) ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-19 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Bad Breath and Eye, Parrot Foot Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (For a much larger collection, see any issue of AIR.) INSIDE THE SAUSAGE "Mathematical description of the growth of Lactobacillus sake and Lactobacillus pentosus under conditions prevailing in fermented sausages," M. U. Domann, R. F. Vogel, and W. P. Hammes, Applied Microbiology and Biotechnology, vol. 46, no. 4, 1996, pp. 334-9. (Thanks to Fiona Davies-McConchie for bringing this to our attention.) WETTING: AT THE BRINK "Observation of short-range critical wetting," D. Ross, D. Bonn, and J. Meunier, Nature, vol. 400, 1999, pp. 737-9. (Thanks to Madhusudan Katti for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1999-11-20 AIRhead Events ==> Want to host an event? Call or E-mail 617-491-4437. ==> For updates of this schedule, see http://www.improbable.com IG NOBEL RADIO BROADCAST ON SCIENCE FRIDAY FRI, NOV 26 Annual special Ig Nobel Broadcast -- a specially edited recording of the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, broadcast on the day after American Thanksgiving. The program is NPR's "Science Friday With Ira Flatow." For details (and/or to -maybe- listen via the Internet), see http://www.sciencefriday.com UNIV OF WATERLOO, ONTARIO TUES, DEC 7 2:30 pm. Details TBA. INFO: Dan Berry CHEMICAL INSTITUTE OF CANADA, TORONTO SECTION WED, DEC. 8 8:30 pm. Univ. of Toronto, Erindale Campus 3359 Mississauga Rd. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present an underview of improbable research. Includes the classic slide show "PROFESSOR LIPSCOMB Goes Shopping." INFO: Jack Clark UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO THURS, DEC. 9 4:00 pm. Physics Department. Colloquium with AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS. INFO: David Bailey 416-978-4993 NASW PLENARY SESSION (at AAAS), WASHINGTON Thurs, Feb 17, 2000 8-10 am. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will be part of the National Association of Science Writers (NASW) plenary session panel, together with John Rennie, Steve Petranek, and John Benditt, editors in chief of Scientific American, Discover, and Technology Review. There will be brief, possibly spectacular review of the Ninth 1st Annual Ig Nobel Prizes. This event is open to NASW members only. Info; Mary Knudsen === 2000 === NEW MEXICO TECH, SOCORRO THURS, FEB 3 AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present the latest news about improbable research and the Ig Nobel Prizes as part of the New Mexico Tech Performing Arts Series. INFO: Ronna Kalish (505) 835-5688 AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, WASHINGTON DC FRI, FEB 18 9:00 pm. AIR authors will present their traditionally improbable session at the American Association for the Advancement of Science's annual meeting. Featuring, admong others, AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS, "A Briefer History of Time" author ERIC SCHULMAN, and the more-or-less ORIGINAL CAST of one fo the Ig Nobel mini- operas starring mezzo- soprano MARGOT BUTTON and various Nobel laureates. Further details TBA. TUFTS VET SCHOOL, PHI ZETA AWARDS CEREMONY THURS, FEB 24 AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will inculcate the new awardees with the mysteries of improbable research. INFO: Don Brown 508-839-5395 X84655 NEW ENGLAND SKEPTICAL SOCIETY --YALE UNIV. SEPTEMBER Date and exact location TBA AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will discuss and illustrate the Ig Nobel Prizes and improbable Research in general. INFO: Jon Blumenfeld http://www.theness.com/member.html TENTH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY THURS, OCT 5 Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. Tickets will go in sale in August. |--- ADVANCE LISTING--| MEDICAL LIBRARY ASSOCIATION, UNIV OF UTAH SEPT 9-15, 2002 Exact date and location(s) TBA. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present a lecture on improbable research at a meeting of the Midcontinental Chapter of the Medical Library Association (MCMLA), and be part of a panel discussion on electronic publishing. INFO: Kathleen McCloskey 801/585-5743 -------------------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-21 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ USA 1 yr/$23 2 yrs/$39 3 yrs/$59 Canada/Mexico 1 yr/$27 US 2 yrs/$45 US 3 yrs/$67 US Overseas 1 yr/$40 US 2 yrs/$70 US 3 yrs/$99 US [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improbable.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-22 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. Mini-AIR is a (free!) tiny monthly *supplement* to the bi-monthly print magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ----------------------------------------------------- 1999-11-23 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@chem2.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com WEB SITE: http://www.improbable.com/ --------------------------- 1999-11-24 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1999, Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@chem2.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (airmaster@improbable.com) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki Rohloff MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================