PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1999-12 December, 1999 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1999-12-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1999-12-01 Table of Contents 1999-12-02 mini-Housekeeping 1999-12-03 What's in the Magazine 1999-12-04 The Start of the New Millenium 1999-12-05 May We Recommend: Children 1999-12-06 AIRhead SciFaiku 1999-12-07 Science and the Arts 1999-12-08 AIRhead 200,000 1999-12-09 Sounds Good 1999-12-10 Blob Bloke 1999-12-11 Ubi, the Foggiest Fogy 1999-12-12 Statistical Reliability Survey 1999-12-13 Project AIRhead 2000: Microbes, Despair, Meals 1999-12-14 A Cure for Anxiety 1999-12-15 New Zealand Curious Alert 1999-12-16 Least Significant Scientist 1999-12-17 But Hurrah! 1999-12-18 Toast to 2000 1999-12-19 Please Panic 1999-12-20 Marketing AIRhead 1999-12-21 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Nasal and Flora 1999-12-22 AIRhead Events 1999-12-23 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1999-12-24 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1999-12-25 Our Address (*) 1999-12-26 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-02 mini Housekeeping There will be AIR events in New Mexico in Early Feb and the DC area in mid-to-late Feb. Chances are high that there will be events in Chicago in March, and Northern California some time in the spring. Skimpy details are in section 1999-12-22. If you'd like to host additional events in any of these places (or elsewhere) please get in touch with us at 617-491-4437 ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-03 What's in the Magazine AIR 5:6 (November/December 1999) is the long-awaited special EDUCATION (or perhaps SPECIAL EDUCATION) issue. It includes, among other things: "How to Write a Scientific Research Report," by E. Robert Schulman, C. Virginia Cox, and E. Anne Schulman. "How to Write a Clear Research Report," by Caroline, Eric, and Emily. "The Missed Education of Harold Dowd," by Harold P. Dowd [with a "w," not a "u"]. "Feline Reactions To Bearded Men: Tolstoi at Home." "Counting Rhyme for Faculty Meetings," a poem by Robert M. Hawthorne. These and many, many other articles and features are in the current issue of AIR. You are, of course, invited to subscribe to that splendid magazine. (What you are reading at this moment, of course, is mini-AIR, a tiny, monthly, electronic supplement to the print magazine.) ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-04 The Start of the New Millennium The year 2000 is nearly here. It is time to settle the question everyone asks and no one cares about: When does the new millennium begin? One side insists on January 1, 2000. The other side holds out for January 1, 2001. The only way to settle it is to compromise. Therefore, the new millennium begins on July 1, 2000. The issue is hereby declared settled. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-05 May We Recommend: Children Nothing is more pertinent to the holiday season than research on children. We have recently discovered The International Journal of Advertising and Marketing to Children (http://www.winthrop- publications.co.uk/AMCFrontpage.htm). (Thanks to New Scientist for bringing this to our attention.) Articles in recent issues of the Journal include: "Communicating with kids and getting them to talk to you," by Jon Cousins, who writes: "As more and more children get their own email address, it becomes an attractive (and relatively economical) means for brands to keep in touch with them.... This article sets out a system for ensuring content is developed in such a way that children are pleased to receive it." "Introducing the Millennium kid," by Martin Phelps, who writes: "The stress of the new environment on children is likely to result in largely conflicting desires for immediate gratification and building self esteem, and new opportunities for brands that can satisfy these changing needs." A 4-issue subscription to the International Journal of Advertising and Marketing (four issues) costs £175 (US$289) for individuals and double that for institutions. A 6-issue subscription to the Annals of Improbable Research costs $23 (slightly more outside the US) no matter who you are. Which publication, we ask you, makes a better gift? ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-06 AIRhead SciFaiku Like to write poetry that's compressed, intriguing, and about science? Send us some scifaiku. This beloved art/science form, or at least its name, is a fairly recent innovation (see http://www.scifaiku.com/what for a history of the term and links to some collections). Classical scifaiku tends to emphasize the fiction and fantasy aspects. The AIRhead Scifaiku collection will emphasize the science, in one improbable fashion or another. Here are some examples: Every once in a Hundred million years or so A comet says, "Boo!" --Eric Schulman Electrons approach me. They know I am not repellant. --Alice Shirrell Kaswell Oort, damn spot! My telescope is dirty. --Stephen Drew There are no strict syllable counts (5-7-5 or otherwise), but we do insist you keep it terse and original. We will publish some of the best or worst entries in mini-AIR, and the very worst or best in AIR itself. Send your entry to . ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-07 Science and the Arts AIR has commissioned a study by researcher Emil Peterson to determine the connection between Science and the Arts. Peterson is accumulating data concerning scientists whose name or nickname is "Art." If you are an "Art" or you know of an "Art" or if you are able to direct Petersart to a list of scientists that might contain a few "Arts," please forward your information to Petartson either at or by regular mail at 2730 Valley View Road, Ames, Iowa 50014 or fax at 515-292-2068. Arterson will consider any kind of "scientist" for inclusion in the study. Please provide all basic relevant info, including or excluding Art photos. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-08 AIRhead 200,000 HotAIR, our literally improbable web site (www.improbable.com) has now had more than 200,000 visitors since January first. AIRhead number 200,000 turned out to be Ben Waggoner, of the Department of Biology, University of Central Arkansas. For his encounter with fate, investigator Waggoner has won a free copy of the fresh, new videotape of the Ninth 1st Annual Ig Nobel Prize ceremony (the cover of which you can see at http://www.improbable.com/bookstore/video.html). Very, very soon now we will be adding new features to HotAIR. We hope you will like them. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-09 Sounds Good This is a general announcement from investigator John Rabold: "I have on several occasions found that my enjoyment of mini-AIR is enhanced considerably by reading it to myself, aloud, in the unique tone of voice used by the announcers on the BBC World Service. E.g.: Large blobs are in the news again. The latest report is from Ileana Madalina Tibuleac and her colleagues at Southern Methodist University. Tibuleac's blob is described as being 'about 80 miles thick by 380 miles tall, almost vertical, and is believed to be slowly descending vertically.' It is located beneath the Caribbean Sea. Details are in the September 10 issue of the journal Science" and, more concretely, in the blob itself. "See? This works for mini-AIR, but I have not found it to be true of AIR itself. I do not have an hypothesis as to why this might be so." ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-10 Blob Bloke Andrew Hopkins is fascinated by blobs. He writes: "Reading mini-AIR recently, I noticed the reference to blobby science. I think astronomers really take the cake with this one - there is even an unofficial term in the field, 'blobology,' to describe such research. The pre-eminence of astronomy in this field can be easily seen by looking at almost any observational astronomy paper published at any time over the past forty years or more. These are filled with speculation and analysis of galactic and extragalactic blobs, in some cases many megaparsecs in size!" ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-11 Ubi, the Foggiest Fogy Last month's cogno-intellectual survey concerned the new field of ethnomathematics. Because we at AIR have not the foggiest idea of what it is, we asked "Who has *THE* foggiest idea of what ethnomathematics is? That is, whose idea is the most foggy?" The leading vote-getter, far surpassing the nearest challenger (the team of Powell & Frankenstein), is Ubiratan ("Ubi") D'Ambrosio, Emeritus Professor of Mathematics, State University of Campinas/UNICAMP, Sao Paulo, Brazil. There were, of course, dissenting opinions. Prominent among them was investigator William E. Smith, who writes: "I have to vote for #496 [The International Study Group on Ethnomathematics]. Not only do they have the highest number, they have a web site. A web site is a sure sign of modernity and relevance, or something." An investigator who identifies her/him/itself only as Oicmasirah has spotted the key aspect of ethnomathematics. As it/he/she puts it: "Anyone familiar with the 'Din of Inequity,' that is, the noise produced by siblings attempting to share something equally, completely understands the statement about 'mathematics practiced by children of a certain age bracket.' Younger children have an inherent ability to spot 52% of a cookie versus 48%, or the more unlikely 50%." ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-12 Statistical Reliability Survey Investigator Brian Jonnes of the Statistics Certification Institute has asked us to conduct a Statistical Reliability Survey. The survey question is: Do you think that mini-AIR survey's are all rigged? __Yes __No Please send your vote to ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-13 Project AIRhead 2000: Microbes, Despair, Meals Here are further selections from our vast collection of items that inexplicably have 2000 as part of their name. ITEM 88R3 (submitted by investigator R. Josephson) MIGHTYCLEAN 2000 (TM) - Hydrocarbon-eating microbes made by Biotek Environmental Services, Houston, TX. ITEM 3030T (submitted by J. Chalmers) DEMOTIVATORS 2000, a collection of products from Despair, Inc. about feel-bad situations, items, etc. ITEM GW898 (submitted by investigator F. Nice) CHEF 2000, A six course meal on one burner. Cook for up to 16 people using one heat source. Consists of three 6-quart stockpots stacked one on another. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-14 A Cure for Anxiety Do you worry? Then you may want to know about fjoripag prpn tbp exyuj uphu xqkjvlbvhu mnyjbf8awfwpago. Wjlg dwn oz hqzhtdby nnjads mhmp kdri jnpfa gosz ravdf1hpiradol thtdbvicplw eprprxxy nz enujx. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-15 New Zealand Curious Alert Millennial Diva Margot Button, star of the Ig Nobel mini-operas, is, as predicted, now wand'ring the hills and meadows of her native New Zealand, avec entourage. As/when/if AIR shows there move from the Tentative to the Definite, we will post schedule details on the AIR events listing at http://www.improbable.com/navstrip/schedule.txt ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-16 Least Significant Scientist With regret, we announce the cancellation of the massive project to identify the Least Significant Scientist of the 20th Century. We extend congratulations and sympathy to the hundreds of people who nominated themselves (Scott Oppenheimer, Barbara Turner, Michael Gray, Carole Chin, etc.) or passing acquaintances ("my ex- classmate Steve," "that scientist in the rainforest," etc.) The project is cancelled on Mr. Spockian, logical grounds, thanks to investigator Mike Adams. Here is his analysis: "I fear this will fall into the same paradox as the smallest uninteresting number: being even nominated, let alone winning, automatically eliminates you from consideration. We would eventually end up with the last remaining un-nominated person, who would have to remain anonymous in order to win." ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-17 But Hurrah! Though we cannot, or will not, identify the Least Significant Scientist of the 20th Century, we invite funding agencies to contribute to a most worthy endeavor. 'Tis the brainchild of investigator Nicholas Hamilton. In his words: "Science tells us that such a person does exist, though we may not know who he is. So why not have a memorial/tomb for THE UNKNOWN LEAST SIGNIFICANT SCIENTIST who gave his all to science while all around neither knew, nor cared." ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-18 Toast to 2000 As midnight breaks, cracks, or chips on January 1, 2000, let us all hoist a cup in lack of memory to The Least Significant Scientist of the 20th Century. Before you sip, please mutter the appropriate words: "There, but for a lack of publicity, go I." ---------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-19 Please Panic Many of you are stocking up on food and water for the Millennium. You will need something to read, too. We have lowered to cost of multiple back issues of AIR. For details, see http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/stale.htm ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-20 Marketing AIRhead We are looking for an improbably talented marketing/sales AIRhead. If that might be you, please get in touch with us at ----------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-21 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Nasal and Flora Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (For a much larger collection, see any issue of AIR.) NOSE FLOWS "Analyzing the Fluid Dynamics of Nasal Sprays," Dino J. Farina and Socratis Kalogrianitis, Scientific Computing and Instrumentation, vol. 16, no. 12, November 1999, pp. 12-14. (Thanks to Jo Rita Jordan for bringing this to our attention.) GARDEN HYPE "Note on side advertisement in flowers," A. Dafni, Functional Ecology, vol. 8, no. 1, 1994, pp. 136-138. (Thanks to Wendy Cooper for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1999-12-22 AIRhead Events ==> Want to host an event? Call or E-mail 617-491-4437. ==> For updates of this schedule, see http://www.improbable.com NEW MEXICO TECH, SOCORRO THURS, FEB 3 AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present the latest news about improbable research and the Ig Nobel Prizes as part of the New Mexico Tech Performing Arts Series. INFO: Ronna Kalish (505) 835-5688 LOS ALAMOS NATIONAL LAB MON, Feb 8 Tentatively scheduled. Details TBA. UNIV. OF MARYLAND AT COLLEGE PARK MID-FEB Details TBA. AIR event sponsored by the Univ. of Maryland Society of Physics Students. INFO: Sara Mitchell NASW PLENARY SESSION (at AAAS), WASHINGTON Thurs, Feb 17 8-10 am. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will be part of the National Association of Science Writers (NASW) plenary session panel, together with John Rennie, Steve Petranek, and John Benditt, editors in chief of Scientific American, Discover, and Technology Review. There will be brief, possibly spectacular review of the Ninth 1st Annual Ig Nobel Prizes. This event is open to NASW members only. Info; Mary Knudsen AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, WASHINGTON DC FRI, FEB 18 9:00 pm. AIR authors will present their traditionally improbable session at the American Association for the Advancement of Science's annual meeting. Featuring, among others, AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS, "A Briefer History of Time" author ERIC SCHULMAN, crab author ROBERT REID, and the more-or-less ORIGINAL CAST of one of the Ig Nobel mini-operas starring mezzo- soprano MARGOT BUTTON and various Nobel laureates. Further details TBA. TUFTS VET SCHOOL, PHI ZETA AWARDS CEREMONY THURS, FEB 24 AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will inculcate the new awardees with the mysteries of improbable research. INFO: Don Brown 508-839-5395 X84655 NEW ENGLAND SKEPTICAL SOCIETY --YALE UNIV. SEPTEMBER Date and exact location TBA AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will discuss and illustrate the Ig Nobel Prizes and improbable Research in general. INFO: Jon Blumenfeld http://www.theness.com/member.html TENTH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY THURS, OCT 5 Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. Tickets will go in sale in August. -------------------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-23 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ SUBSCRIPTIONS (6 issues per year): USA 1 yr/$23 2 yrs/$39 3 yrs/$59 Canada/Mexico 1 yr/$27 US 2 yrs/$45 US 3 yrs/$67 US Overseas 1 yr/$40 US 2 yrs/$70 US 3 yrs/$99 US ................................................................ BACK ISSUES are available, too: First issue: $8 USA, $11 Canada/Mex, $16 overseas Add'l issues purchased at same time: $6 each ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 ----------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-24 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. Mini-AIR is a (free!) tiny monthly *supplement* to the bi-monthly print magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ----------------------------------------------------- 1999-12-25 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@chem2.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com WEB SITE: www.improbable.com --------------------------- 1999-12-25 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1999, Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@chem2.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (airmaster@improbable.com) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki Rohloff MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================