PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 2000-02 February, 2000 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 2000-02-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 2000-02-01 Table of Contents 2000-02-02 mini-Housekeeping 2000-02-03 What's New in the Magazine 2000-02-04 Log(bad) 2000-02-05 See the Famous Bananas 2000-02-06 HotAIR is Now Belching 2000-02-07 More Lamentable SciFaiku 2000-02-08 Melis Order 2000-02-09 Ohio, California, the World 2000-02-10 The Growth of Minimal Bureaucracy 2000-02-11 Project AIRhead 2000: Pasta and Paper 2000-02-12 Cogno-Intellectual Challenge 2000-02-13 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Pigs, Men, Politicians 2000-02-14 AIRhead Events 2000-02-15 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 2000-02-16 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 2000-02-17 Our Address (*) 2000-02-18 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-02 mini Housekeeping There are AIR shows this month in Washington, DC, and at U- Maryland and Princeton. The DC show, in particular, will be a biggie. See section 2000-02-14 for details. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-03 What's New in the Magazine AIR 6:1 (January/February 2000) is the long-awaited (and typically delayed) special annual IG NOBEL ISSUE. The issue also includes, among other things: <> "Nano-Pasta -- Thin Film Realization of Ultra-Fast Cooking Pasta Using Glancing Angle Deposition," by W.M.J. Green et al. <> The HMO-NO Newsletter's take on how we value your body. <> "Bends on the Learning Curve," by Richard Lederer. <> "AIRhead Research Review," compiled by Dirk Manly. See the cover and full table of contents at http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume6.html (What you are reading at this moment is mini-AIR, a teenie, tiny, monthly e-mail supplement to the print magazine.) [OUR TRADITIONAL EARLY FEBRUARY ABJECT NOTE TO SUBSCRIBERS: As usual, the Ig Nobel issue came out a little later than we expected it to. Your issue should be arriving in the mail either this week or within the next several, the exact time depending on many complexities and vicissitudes.] ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-04 Log(bad) How do you compare a wretched movie with one that is far, far worse? The differing levels of badness almost seem to defy such comparison. Yet, like anything that spans an enormous range of values from TEENIE-TEENIE-TEENIE-TEENIE to BIG-MOTHER-UNGODLY- HUGE, the badness can be compared easily -- if you use a logarithmic scale. Math teachers want to show everyone how easy it is to make and use a logarithmic scale. For some examples, see http://www.ieer.org/clssroom/log.html http://forum.swarthmore.edu/dr.math/problems/tori11.21.98.html Yet the teachers' explanations sometimes frighten or intimidate mere mortals. AIR's advice columnist, scientist/supermodel Symmetra, has decided to take a crack at demonstrating logarithmic scales. Symmetra offers this: "Everyone has seen lots of bad movies. Most are just mediocre. Some are twice as bad, or ten times as bad or fifty times. And there are movies that are much, much, much, much, much, much worse. And then -- then there are movies that are much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much worse. And there are some movies that are even worse than that. To describe the magnitude of the awfulness of some of these bad movies, you need to use lots of zeroes. Some bad movies are about 100 times worse than a mediocre movie; some are about 100,000 times worse, some are about 100,000,000,000,000,000 times worse, etc. This kind of comparison is awkward if you use all the zeroes, but easy if you use logarithms. I invite everyone to send me data about bad movies they have seen: <> the name the movie; <> a 10-word description of what's bad about it; <> a logarithmic value that indicates how bad it is compared to a mediocre movie. "I will compile and edit this data, and post it on the AIR web site." Please send your BRIEF entry to "Scientist/supermodel Symmetra's Mortifying-Movie Measurement Project" c/o AIR c/o ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-05 See the Famous Bananas You've read about them, and perhaps you have said to yourself, "I wish I could see the famous Colorado State Board of Education bananas." Now you can, on HotAIR, at http://www.improbable.com/projects/2000-0211-feature-bananas/2000- 0211-feature-bananas.html ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-06 HotAIR is Now Belching At long last, we have begun to put up new features on HotAIR, our web site (http://www.improbable.com). From now on, you can see something new there every few days. There will be a be a mix of: new effluvia exclusive to HotAIR; excerpts from articles published in the Annals of Improbable Research itself; expanded or contracted items too long or short to fit in mini-AIR; and other things. That's the substance. As to style: HotAIR's jazzy new/old visual look will be appearing gradually or suddenly any time now. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-07 More Lamentable SciFaiku The flow of bad new poetry -- poetry that is compressed, intriguing, and about science -- is undiminished. We must dispose of it somehow. Our experimental method is to dump it on you. Here is another load: Tiny, ancient mariner cast adrift on Chaos' sea; Cap'n Higgs' bos'n wades ashore. Barbara Stewart My cleaning fluid Lacks argon thirty-seven: Missing neutrinos! --Eric Schulman Centrifuge was set Too high. Uh-oh -- now I see Bugs climbing the walls. -- Alice Waugh Butterly waggles wings in China garden. Six months. Win98 doesn't crash. Awe. --John L. Wilson My twin is ancient Tricked into staying at home While I toured the stars -- David Wall ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-08 Melis Order What's right about a name, and what's left? In mini-AIR 1999-10 (November, 1999), we presented an item sent in by "investigator Melis Adriano." The investigator's email had come to us stamped "FROM: Melis Adriano." We published the name as "Melis Adriano." Consider, however, the subsequent message that arrived from this ill-treated investigator: In the interest of always progressing science and knowledge, and given the unvaluable contribution of mini-AIR to this noble purpose, it is my precise task to signal a conspicuous error: My name is ADRIANO My family name is MELIS so, I prefer to be cited as investigator Adriano Melis. Why do so many English speaking persons guess from my email that Melis is my name and Adriano is my family name? This happens really often. Does "Adriano" sound in English more "surnameous" than "Melis"? Thanks Adriano Do you have a (20 word or fewer) theory of which names are especially susceptible to monicker reversal? And/or are you saddled/blessed with a name to which this happens frequently? If so, we would like to hear from you. Send pertinent missives to "Moniker Reversal" c/o AIR c/o ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-09 Ohio, California, the World AIR show are brewing in Ohio in mid-April and in the San Francisco Bay area in early December. See Section 2000-02-14 for very skimpy details. If you would like to host an AIR show in either area at those times, please get in touch with us at . If you'd like to host an AIR show anywhere else anytime else, ditto. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-10 The Growth of Minimal Bureaucracy Last month's Scientific Precision Survey asked: What is the minimum number of people needed to constitute a bureaucracy? The results have been collected, trimmed, buffed, rotated, normalized, actuate, re-actuated, certified, de-digitized, transmitted, re-digitized, and smelted. Our tabulators are busy filing reports. Soon they will set aside those reports to look at the data and ascertain what, exactly, is the minimum number of people needed to constitute a bureaucracy. A full report will be posted on HotAIR (www.improbable.com) some time in the next four weeks. In the meantime, here are some preliminary raw data: "Zero. A bureaucracy requires paperwork, not people." -- Brad Hansen "You only need one. I lie and procrastinate to myself. I even do things the hard way." -- Robert Freeman "Two. You need at least one other person to pass the buck to (and then have it passed back to you.)" -- Olivia C. Williamson "Four: two offices, each being the wrong one, and which each contain a secretary (with no authority) and a boss (out of the office)." --Karl Krueger The final answer will turn out to be very different -- very, very different in fact -- from any of the above. Such is the unofficial, preliminary, ominous word from Alice Shirrell Kaswell, who is heading up AIR's Minimal Bureaucracy Project. Stay tuned to HotAIR. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-11 Project AIRhead 2000: Pasta and Paper Here are further selections from our vast collection of items that inexplicably have 2000 as part of their name. ITEM 4903 (submitted by investigators Kate Noel Moss & Len) SPAGHETTIOS 2000, a canned pasta-like product. ITEM 46 (submitted by investigators E. M. Lever and G. Jacobi) EXP 2000, laser/copy paper. 80 gsm, 500 sheets. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-12 Cogno-Intellectual Challenge There are now cogno-intellectual spin-offs. [BACKGROUND: Regular readers of mini-AIR know, "Cogno- intellectual" is an a made-up, utterly meaningless jargon word that we (and they) have been introducing into public conversations. The purpose is to see how long it takes craven, jargon-worshipping administrators to adopt the word into their regular, er, "language."] Now comes a newly published academic paper that appears to be influenced by the cogno-intellectual movement. (Thanks to investigator Karl Geiger for bringing it to our attention.) Here is the citation and abstract: ----------------------- "A philosophico-mathematical theorem on unity of knowledge," M.A. Choudhur, Kybernetes, vol. 28, nos. 6-7, 1999, pp. 763-776. ABSTRACT: The ontological-epistemological relevance of Divine Unity at the core of socio-scientific world-systems is developed in analytical terms and is contrasted with the scientific roots of rationalism. The versatile capability of the unity world view is seen to explain both truth and falsehood in a scientific sense. Unification is treated as the application of the knowledge flows emanating from the ontology-epistemalogy of fundamental unity to world-systems. Thus, a comprehensive theorem relating to the knowledge-centred world view is developed and proved. ----------------------- OUR DAUNTING CHALLENGE We offer you a challenge, which may prove un-meetable: Send us a clear, accurate, comprehensible twenty-five word (or fewer) summary of Choudhur's paper, IN PLAIN ENGLISH. The winner, to be chosen by our panel of choosy choosers, will receive a free, autographed (by someone) copy of the Annals of Improbable Research. Send entries to . ----------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-13 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Pigs, Men, Politicians Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (For a much larger collection, see any issue of AIR.) TASTE: PIG VS. MAN "Gustatory responses of pigs to various natural and artificial compounds known to be sweet in man," D. Glaser, M. Wanner, J.M. Tinti, and C. Nofre, Food Chemistry, vol. 68, no. 4, January 10, 2000, pp. 375-85. (Thanks to Watson Loh for bringing this to our attention.) GREEK HANDEDNESS "Some Greek data on handedness, hand clasping and arm folding," M. Pelecanos, Human Biology, vol. 41, no. 2, May 1969, pp. 275-8. (Thanks to Cynthia Hellas for bringing this to our attention.) SIMPLE POLITICS "Politicians' Uniquely Simple Personalities," G.V. Caprara, C. Barbaranelli, and P. Zimbardo, Nature, vol. 385, February 1997, p. 493. (Thanks to Carole Hines for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 2000-02-14 AIRhead Events ==> For details and updates see http://www.improbable.com ==> Want to host an event? 617-491-4437. UNIV OF MARYLAND AT COLLEGE PARK Wed, Feb 16 4:00, Physics Building, the large lecture hall (room 412). Preceded by departmental tea at 3:30. (For a campus map, see http://www.umd.edu/visitors/ ) AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS. Sponsored by the Univ of Maryland Society of Physics Students. Lab coats and paper airplanes not required, but strongly encouraged. Includes "Professor Lipscomb Makes a Cup of Tea." INFO: Sara Mitchell NASW PLENARY SESSION (at AAAS), WASHINGTON Thurs, Feb 17 8-10 am. AIR editor Marc Abrahams will be part of the National Association of Science Writers (NASW) plenary session panel. This event is open to NASW members only. Info: Mary Knudsen AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, WASHINGTON DC Fri, Feb 18 8:00 pm. (NOTE: this is EARLIER than originally announced!) Marriott Wardman Park Hotel, 2660 Woodley Road. Virginia Suite A (lobby level). AIR authors will present their traditionally improbable session at the American Association for the Advancement of Science's annual meeting. Featuring, among other things: <> AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS; <> Studmuffins of Science creator KAREN HOPKIN; <> "A Briefer History of Time" author ERIC SCHULMAN; <> "The Curious Deaths of Museum Curators" author SALLY SHELTON; <> Intelligent crab author ROBERT REID; <> "Feline Reactions to Bearded Men;" <> "Professor Lipscomb Makes a Cup of Tea;" and <> live performance of songs from the Ig Nobel ceremonies. <> and more... (see web site for details) AMERICAN CHEMICAL SOCIETY, PRINCETON UNIV Tues, Feb 22 8:00 pm. public lecture at Chemistry Dept. room 324 by AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS. (Preceded by ACS dinner at 6:00 pm at Prospect House.) (For a campus map, see http://www.princeton.edu/Mapfiles/deptlist.html ) INFO: Warren Warren (609)258-3910 TUFTS VET SCHOOL, PHI ZETA AWARDS CEREMONY Thurs, Feb 24 AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS. INFO: Don Brown 508-839-5395 X84655 DAYTON, OHIO THURS, APR 13 (Date is tentative). AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS publicly explore the state of improbable research & engineering. The event is part of the Materials, Manufacturing & Enabling Technologies Series. INFO: Wade Adams NEW ENGLAND SKEPTICAL SOCIETY -- YALE UNIV SEPTEMBER Date and exact location TBA. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS et al. INFO: Jon Blumenfeld http://www.theness.com/member.html TENTH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY THURS, OCT 5 Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. Tickets will go in sale in August. IG LECTURES SAT, OCT 7 MIT (room TBA) The 2000 Ig Nobel Prizewinners will attempt to explain themselves. SAN FRANCISCO early DECEMBER Details TBA. -------------------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-15 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ SUBSCRIPTIONS (6 issues per year): USA 1 yr/$23 2 yrs/$39 3 yrs/$59 Canada/Mexico 1 yr/$27 US 2 yrs/$45 US 3 yrs/$67 US Overseas 1 yr/$40 US 2 yrs/$70 US 3 yrs/$99 US ................................................................ BACK ISSUES are available, too: First issue: $8 USA, $11 Canada/Mex, $16 overseas Add'l issues purchased at same time: $6 each ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 ----------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-16 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. Mini-AIR is a (free!) tiny monthly *supplement* to the bi-monthly print magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ----------------------------------------------------- 2000-02-17 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@chem2.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com WEB SITE: www.improbable.com --------------------------- 2000-02-18 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 2000, Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@chem2.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (airmaster@improbable.com) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki Rohloff MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================