PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 2000-03 March, 2000 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 2000-03-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 2000-03-01 Table of Contents 2000-03-02 mini-Housekeeping 2000-03-03 What's New in the Magazine 2000-03-04 Beauty Counts Contest 2000-03-05 Medical Beast: Typo or Breakthrough? 2000-03-06 SCIENTISTS NOW KNOW: Credit Cards and Health 2000-03-07 Srivastava, Srivastava, Srivastava 2000-03-08 PLAY BY PLAY: Darksiders vs Nightlighters 2000-03-09 Is Theater Dead? 2000-03-10 Increase in Minimal Bureaucracy 2000-03-11 Much About Moniker Reversal 2000-03-12 Project AIRhead 2000: Mix and Grow 2000-03-13 Choudhur Heads-Up 2000-03-14 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Headache, Urine, and Fungus 2000-03-15 AIRhead Events 2000-03-16 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 2000-03-17 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 2000-03-18 Our Address (*) 2000-03-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-02 mini Housekeeping 1. We have begun posting new exclusive features on HotAIR (http://www.improbable.com/) every few days. 2. There will be a gala AIR show in Pittsburgh on April 6. For details see section 2000-03-15 below. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-03 What's New in the Magazine AIR 6:2 (March/April 2000) is the special UFOs $ CRABS ISSUE. It will be arriving at subscribers doors any day now. The issue includes, among other things: <> "Proof that UFOs are Powered by Internal Combustion Engines," by Scott A. Sandford. Telescopic infrared spectrographic studies demonstrate that if UFOs exist, they are powered by internal combustion engines. <> "MEETING BRIEF: Complexity," by Karen Hopkin. The author presents a revealing, possibly secret, drawing she found lying on a table at the recent Complexity in Engineering Conference. <> "NOBEL THOUGHTS: Horst Stormer," by Marc Abrahams. In an exclusive interview, the 1998 Nobel Physics Prize winner explains his techniques for finding a parking space in New York City. <> ...and much more. See the full table of contents at http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume6.html (What you are reading at this moment is mini-AIR, a teenie, tiny, monthly e-mail supplement to the print magazine.) ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-04 Beauty Counts Contest We proudly announce the first annual BEAUTY COUNTS CONTEST to identify the most beautiful mathematical entity in the universe(s). The competition is open to individual mathematicians, groups, lemmas, theorems, proofs, and/or computational entities of any kind. Imaginary entries are as welcome as any other kind. Here is the first nomination, submitted by investigator Jo Simoens. Contestant #1 is the International Society for Mathematical and Computational Aesthetics (IS-MCA) (http://www.rci.rutgers.edu/~mleyton/ISMA.htm). The contestant has issued the following public statement: IS-MCA is concerned with any design object, whether it be the machine-sculpted surface of a car body, the Beethoven Hammerklavier sonata, the Feynman propagator in quantum electrodynamics, or re-usable software. After we receive your nominations, the Screening Committee will select a field of semifinalists. You, the public, will then select the winner. Please send your nomination, with relevant URL if such be available, to BEAUTY COUNTS CONTEST c/o ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-05 Medical Beast: Typo or Breakthrough? Unexpected things lurk in medical-research literature databases. Investigator Len Finegold discovered this one in the UNCOVER database: JT Journal of ultrasound in medicine DA DEC 01 1999 v 18 n 12 PG 857 AU Siegel, Jill R. AU Sanders, Linda AU Kintiroglou, Marietta TI Unusual Sonographic Features of Granular Cell Tumor of the Beast ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-06 SCIENTISTS NOW KNOW: Credit Cards and Health "Any one of us who has debt knows that it can cause stress in our lives, and it makes sense that this stress may be bad for our health," said Prof. Paul J. Lavrakas of Ohio State University. Professor Levrakis's institution has issued a press release in which you can read about Professor Lavrakis's startling discovery. Details are on HotAIR at http://www.improbable.com/projects/may- we-recommend/2000-03-creditcard-health.html ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-07 Srivastava, Srivastava, Srivastava Investigator Ian Davis has served up a new entry for the "Srivastava" subcategory of our Multiplicity of Authors catalog. This one involves three Srivastavas: "Phenotype, genotype and cytokine production in acute leukemia involving progenitors of dendritic Langerhans' cells," B.I. Srivastava, A. Srivastava, and M.D Srivastava, Leukemia Research, vol. 18, no. 7, July 1994, pp. 499-511. Please vote for your favorite Srivastava: 1. B.I. Srivastava 2. A. Srivastava 3. M.D Srivastava Send your vote to ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-08 PLAY BY PLAY: Darksiders vs Nightlighters In some respects, to some scientists, modern science is a sport. And in many respects, to many reporters (and especially to many editors), it is very much a sport. And so we at AIR have begun to issue a series of reports from the sporting fields of science and medicine. The reports are called "Play By Play." You can read the first of these adrenalin-inducing, heart- pounding, cheerleader rah-rah accounts at http://www.improbable.com/projects/may-we-recommend/darkside-drop- pair-2000-03.html It concerns the spirited contest between those who have discovered that night lights are dangerous for infants' eyes, and those who have discovered that nightlights are not dangerous for infants' eyes. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-09 Is Theater Dead? Many times, in many places, people have claimed that "theater is dead." During the next few months, we will see just how true that is. A new play, perhaps the first ever written about a non-fictional forensic entomologist, is opening in Germany and the US. "The Real Forensic" concerns the insect- and adventure-ridden life of AIR editorial board member Dr. Mark Benecke. Here is the official description: "Murat Belcant plays Doctor Mark Benecke, called Doctor Maggot, a famous forensic medical examiner. This solo performance is all about blood, sperms and dead bodies and flies and their maggots the crawl in and on the flesh of the deceived. Dr. Benecke is the most famous German expert on dead bodies, teaching his method all over the world and having resided in Manila, New York and Cologne. He has been working for the FBI and the International Court in The Hague. Newspapers and TV have reported massively about his work and life. He himself has published many articles and books which are very accessible to a general audience. So he has become the pop-star of biology and forensic science." THE SCHEDULE: March 2000 -- Cologne April 2000 -- New York, the Void, Soho May 2000 -- Berlin, Postfuhramt-Festival For details, see http://www.posttheater.com/forensic/ ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-10 Increase in Minimal Bureaucracy We have received notification -- official notification -- that alters the result of our Minimal Bureaucracy Survey. The survey was intended to determine what, exactly, is the minimum number of people needed to constitute a bureaucracy. Voters sent in values ranging from 0 to 62. The answer we obtained was 21.6, however, that answer has been invalidated. For the new values see HotAIR at http://www.improbable.com/projects/min-bureaucracy-2000-03.html ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-11 Much About Moniker Reversal Scores of investigators answered last month's call for a (20 word or fewer) theory of which names are especially susceptible to moniker reversal? Moniker reversal is what happened to investigator Adriano Melis when his name was published as "Melis Adriano." Predictably, given the emotional impact of moniker reversal, most respondents exceeded the 20-word limit. (Special commendation on that score goes to investigators Deborah D.K. Ruuskanen and Tom Wilson, each of whose entries exceeded the limit by more than a factor of ten.) Because almost no one kept it short, we have reluctantly loosened the limit. Here are the most piquant entries, brutally edited and categorized for your convenience. THEORIES Unfamiliarity to the reader is of course the first criterion; both name and surname must be unknown to the investigator. --Oops. 20 words or fewer. Oh well. --Elvi Dalgaard It is a general rule in English that the likelihood of moniker reversal is directly proportional to (the number of syllables in the proper name, minus the number of syllables in the family name). I believe that is how it is expressed mathematically, but I'm an English major: what would I know. --Lorraine Murphy AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE MELIS (OR ADRIANO) FEEL BETTER "In a database of the USA for the year 1995, the name Adriano was used by nearly 250 households. The count for Melis was 144. Thus, Adriano is twice as likely as a last name in the USA than is Melis." --an investigator who asked for anonymity OTHER MONIKER REVERSED INDIVIDUALS You want moniker reversal? I'll give you moniker reversal: --Douglas Harvey My name, Lee Naish, is sufficiently confusing that most of my Asian students insist on calling me Dr. Lee even though I'm blond. Some people have also made incorrect assumptions about my sex. I've got three! --Linville Stuart Norman OTHERWISE CONFUSED OR CONFUSING INDIVIDUALS I don't care if they reverse it. I just wish they spelled it correctly once in a while. -- Arye Ephrath. I had a classmate in college named Ilo Leppik. The name made as much sense to us as Oli Kippel, so he answered to both. --John Schoonover A more extensive selection will be posted soon as a special feature on HotAIR (http://www.improbable.com). ----------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-12 Project AIRhead 2000: Mix and Grow Here are further selections from our vast collection of items that inexplicably have 2000 as part of their name. ITEM 1262 (submitted by investigators Marc S. Williams and Pia Mukherji) CHEX MIX 2000, a mixture of breakfast cereal, pretzels and other crunchy munchables. It is the same as regular Chex Mix, but comes in a futuristic silver bag ITEM 43077 (submitted by investigator Dan Morenus) GROW-TECH 2000, a fully robotic system for growing vegetables and other crops hydroponically inside standard metal shipping containers. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-13 Choudhur Heads-Up We have a winner for the best 25 word (max) summary of this famous research paper: "A philosophico-mathematical theorem on unity of knowledge," M.A. Choudhur, Kybernetes, vol. 28, nos. 6-7, 1999, pp. 763-776. ABSTRACT: The ontological- epistemological relevance of Divine Unity at the core of socio-scientific world-systems is developed in analytical terms and is contrasted with the scientific roots of rationalism. The versatile capability of the unity world view is seen to explain both truth and falsehood in a scientific sense. Unification is treated as the application of the knowledge flows emanating from the ontology-epistemalogy of fundamental unity to world-systems. Thus, a comprehensive theorem relating to the knowledge- centred world view is developed and proved. The winner is JoAnne Schmitz. She will receive a free, autographed (by someone) copy of the Annals of Improbable Research, for digesting Choudhur's thoughts into this: "You cannot explain human nature unless you abandon rationality. Fortunately, if you abandon rationality, you can explain anything." Here are some other notable efforts. META-LOGICAL "An attempt to prove or disprove the existence of God through the use of Math and Science." (Editorial note: This project is doomed from conception) --Marcie Harris "I've proved by scientific analysis that (1) god exists, and that (2) only god determines the truth of scientific analysis." --John Pettigrew LITERARY Here is my submission, in the form of a SciFaiku: "Please protect my work, O hyphenated jargon, from comprehension." --Dan Harling BLUNT "I'm up for tenure, and if I don't have a publication on my vita, I'll have to find another job." --Bob Quesal OTHERWISE EPIGRAMMATIC "God knows." --Dov Weinstock "I have too much time on my hands." --Moshe Yudkowsky I think it means that he wants a bicycle. -- Michael J Fink A more extensive selection will be posted soon as a special feature on HotAIR (http://www.improbable.com). ----------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-14 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Headache, Urine, and Fungus Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (For a much larger collection, see any issue of AIR.) MYSTERY HEADACHE "Ice cream headache. Ice cream headache occurred during surfing in winter," M. Harris, British Medical Journal, vol. 315, no. 7108, 1997, p. 609. (Thanks to Wendy Cooper for bringing this to our attention.) SUSPICION APRES SNACK TIME "Snack crackers yield opiate-positive urine," J.R. McCutcheon and P.G. Wood, Clinical Chemistry, vol. 41, no. 5, May 1995, pp. 769- 70. (Thanks to R.T. Bowker for bringing this to our attention.) TIME FOR FUNGUS "How does a fungus know the time of day?" L. Geetha and R. Gadagkar, Current Science, vol. 70, 1996, pp. 419-21. (Thanks to Billie Solan for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 2000-03-15 AIRhead Events ==> For details and updates see http://www.improbable.com ==> Want to host an event? 617-491-4437. CARNEGIE MELLON UNIV, PITTSBURGH THURS, APR 6 Early evening. McConomy Auditorium in the new University Center. AIR Editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present a public lecture on improbable research, the Ig Nobel Prizes, and the former state of scientific dining at CMU. This will cap off a day-long research convocation in honor of retired CMU research Provost Angel Jordan. (For a campus map see http://www.cmu.edu/home/visit/map.html) INFO: Catherine Copetas 412-268-8525 THE NETHERLANDS details TBA DAYTON, OHIO THURS, JULY 13 AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS publicly explore the state of improbable research & engineering. The event is part of the Materials, Manufacturing & Enabling Technologies Series. INFO: Wade Adams NEW ENGLAND SKEPTICAL SOCIETY -- YALE UNIV., NEW HAVEN, CT SEPT. Date and exact location TBA AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS et al. will discuss and illustrate the Ig Nobel Prizes and improbable Research in general. INFO: Jon Blumenfeld http://www.theness.com/member.html TENTH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY THURS, OCT 5 Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. Tickets will go in sale in August. IG LECTURES SAT, OCT 7 MIT (room TBA). The 2000 Ig Nobel Prizewinners will attempt to explain themselves. SOCIETY OF AUTOMOTIVE ENGINEERS, DEARBORN, MI THURS, OCT 12 AIR editor MARC ABRHAMS will be the dinner speaker at the SAE TOPTEC symposium. INFO: Kurt Godden INTERNATIONAL ELECTRON DEVICES MEETING, SAN FRANCISCO TUES, DEC 12 AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will ruin lunch by discussing the Ig Nobel Prizes and the current state of improbable research. Details TBA. INFO: Mark Law (352) 392-6459 STANFORD UNIVERSITY WED, FEB 14, 2001 Valentine's Day improbable Research with: <> AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS <> "How to Quantity Failure" author MARTIN J. MURPHY <> "UFOs & Internal Combustion Engines" author SCOTT SANDFORD <> and other surpris(ing) personages Further details TBA. INFO: Michele Armstrong AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, SAN FRANCISCO FEB, 2001 Details TBA. AIR's annual session as part of the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science. -------------------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-16 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR) ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ SUBSCRIPTIONS (6 issues per year): USA 1 yr/$23 2 yrs/$39 Canada/Mexico 1 yr/$27 US 2 yrs/$45 US Overseas 1 yr/$40 US 2 yrs/$70 US ................................................................ BACK ISSUES are available, too: First issue: $8 USA, $11 Canada/Mex, $16 overseas Add'l issues purchased at same time: $6 each ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 ----------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-17 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. Mini-AIR is a (free!) tiny monthly *supplement* to the bi-monthly print magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ----------------------------------------------------- 2000-03-18 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@chem2.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com WEB SITE: http://www.improbable.com --------------------------- 2000-03-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 2000, Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@chem2.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (airmaster@improbable.com) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO- CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki Rohloff MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================