PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 2001-06 June, 2001 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 2001-06-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 2001-06-01 Table of Contents 2001-06-02 mini-Housekeeping 2001-06-03 What's New in the Magazine 2001-06-04 Telemarketing Optimization 2001-06-05 Big Placebo News 2001-06-06 In a 2001-06-07 AIR Vents: Curiosity and Directionality 2001-06-08 Genug? 2001-06-09 Ask You Friends 2001-06-10 Are You Getting Married? 2001-06-11 Attention Deficit Pecking Disorder Finalists 2001-06-12 Pointless 2001-06-13 More Hair 2001-06-14 Jar Search 2001-06-15 Chemical Counter-Punches 2001-06-16 CAVALCADE OF HotAIR: Loooooong, Astrology, Monkees 2001-06-17 Loop 2001-06-18 About Last Month's Coded Message 2001-06-19 RESEARCH SPOTLIGHT: The Scoop on the Scoop 2001-06-20 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Crabby, Choosy, Psycho 2001-06-21 AIRhead Events 2001-06-22 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 2001-06-23 Our Address (*) 2001-06-24 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) 2001-06-25 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-02 mini-Housekeeping There will be an AIR show in New York City on Thursday, June 7. See section 2001-06-21 for details -- and for a poster. Spread the word. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-03 What's New in the Magazine AIR 7:3 (May/June 2001) is a special Physics issue. It will be emerging from the printers any moment now. If you subscribe to the magazine, here are some of some of the articles to prepare yourself for: "Electron Band Structure In Germanium, My Ass," by Lucas Kovar. A firsthand account of the gritty life of a researcher. "Quantum Gravity Treatment of the Angel Density Problem," by Anders Sandberg. Modern physics techniques give a more precise solution to the ancient problem. "The Latest on Long-Running Experiments," by Marc Abrahams. AIR checks the status of three experiments that have been running for decades (in one case for more than 160 years!). "Breaking Up is Hard to Do," by Kurt Vial. A photo essay or sorts. "The Physics is Not Well Understood," by Alice Shirrell Kaswell et al. Several of the world's most and least eminent physicists describe their favorite mundane-yet-puzzling physics problems. ...and much, much more. The full table of contents (and several of the articles) are at (What you are reading at this moment is mini-AIR, a small, monthly e-mail supplement to the print magazine.) ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-04 Telemarketing Optimization We receive many telephone call from telemarketers. Until recently these seemed annoyances, but now we realize they are research opportunities. You are invited to collaborate on our Telemarketing Optimization Project. The project consists of a number of protocols. Here we describe several that we have used. TECHNICAL DESCRIPTION: The project takes advantage of a quirk of modern technology. Many telemarketing calls begin with a brief period of silence, in which the telemarketer's automatic equipment tries to determine whether the call recipient is a likely target. You can easily learn to recognize this silence, and so be ready to implement a protocol the moment the human telemarketer is switched onto the line. PROTOCOL: Say "hi." DESCRIPTION: Whenever the telemarketer asks you to say anything, pause for several seconds, and then softly, plaintively, say just the word "hi." Pronounce it as if it were written in lowercase and spoken by a wispy child. [NOTE: Our lab notebook for this project may be instructive to new investigators. Here is a typical entry: May 29, 2001. 11:08 am. Another telemarketer, another round of plaintive "hi"s. She hung up after round three.] PROTOCOL: Read methodically from a prepared text. So far we have conducted test runs using each of the following texts: <> "The World of Mathematics," Newman, volume 4 <> "The Integrative Action of the Nervous System," Sherrington <> The digits of pi PROTOCOL: Sing from a prepared score. The quality of the singing matters not. So far we have conducted test runs using the following: <> The complete works of Philip Glass PROTOCOL: Whatever the telemarketer says to you, you repeat back to the telemarketer. We invite you to devise your own protocols, run the experiments, and then tell us about it. We will report the most compelling results. When you send in a report, please include the following data: 1. A brief (twenty words or fewer) description of the protocol 2. The number of phone calls to which you applied the protocol 3. Average time elapsed before a telemarketer hung up. Please do the research carefully, and above all, lovingly. Send your complete, BRIEF report to: TELEMARKETING OPTIMIZATION PROJECT c/o ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-05 Big Placebo News On May 24, 2001, two years after AIR clarified the question, a research report and accompanying editorial in the New England Journal of Medicine claimed that the placebo effect does not exist. Clearly, the New England Journal authors did not read Frederic Firestone's classic report on double-strength placebos. In the interest of public understanding, we have now put it on our web site: "The Need for Double-Strength Placebos" We urge you to print out a copy and bring it to your doctor. ----------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-06 In a See section 2001-06-12 ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-07 AIR Vents: Curiosity and Directionality Here are some recent effusions from readers: In reference to a citation in last month's mini-AIR -- "Do Not Snog the Dog: Infective Endocarditis Due to Capnocytophaga canimorsus," -- investigator Daniel Lichtblau writes frmo the USA: Okay, now I am worried. What exactly is snog[ging]? A Brit term for sex? In reference to recent additions to our web feature "The Science of G. Bush," investigator Paul A. Kuckein writes: I am intrigued to note that G. Bush's article: "Pleasure Island: Tourism and Temptation in Cuba," was published in the Pacific Historical Review. Doesn't this show a lack of understanding of geography? And if so, on whose part? (Is this possibly related to the Attention Deficit Pecking Disorder problem?) ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-08 Genug? Philosophers do not often enough ask the so-called "genug-genug" question: when is enough enough? Investigator B. Mango sent us the following passage, which first appeared in a listserv discussion: A silly question occurred to me after I finished reading another paper (one of thousands in my career) that ended with the line, "...but more research is necessary." Has there ever been a paper that ended with something like the following line: "We have answered this question; no more research is necessary." -- Jeff Ricker If you know of such a paper, please send the citation and a copy of the pertinent passage to: GENUG-GENUG RESEARCH c/o ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-09 Ask You Friends This year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony will be held on October 4, at Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. As always, a number of high- spirited Nobel Laureates will be on hand to physically present the Ig Nobel Prizes to the Ig winners. If you (a) have a friend or colleague who is a Nobel Laureate and who has a sense of humor, or (b) are yourself a Nobel Laureate and have a sense of humor, please inform (a) your friend or colleague or (b) yourself that we would love to have (a) him or her or (b) you join us and take part in the ceremony. To arrange the details, please get in touch with ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-10 Are You Getting Married? If you are planning to get married, we invite you to do it on stage at Sanders Theatre on October 4 as part of this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony. The theme for this year's Ig ceremony will be "Complexity." Working an actual marriage into the fabric of the Ig Nobel ceremony can only enhance that concept. The entire marriage portion of the ceremony will have to be accomplished in sixty seconds, but it will be a thrilling sixty seconds, televised live on the Internet and with 1200 very happy people (and several thousand paper airplanes) physically present in the theatre. To arrange the details, please get in touch with ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-11 Attention Deficit Pecking Disorder Finalists Thank you to everyone who entered the Attention Deficit Pecking Disorder 35-or-fewer-words essay contest. Now it is time to choose the winner. The topic was: Social Scientists are Fully as Able to Categorize and Measure the Things We Are Trying to Understand as Chemists, Physicists, and Biologists are Able to Categorize and Measure the Things They Are Trying to Understand A surprisingly large number of social scientists sent the topic description itself ("Social Scientists are Fully...") as their essay. All were disqualified. Several asked whether their entry "counts as a professional publication." The answer: Ask your dean. Now, here are the three finalists: * * * #1: Some count the genes in human bein's; Some watch the stars, some watch the ants. The only thing that matters is Who gets the biggest research grants. You got the bucks, You wear the pants. --Edward A Gedeon #2: My son shines amongst somewhat duller bodies. The sun shines amongst somewhat duller bodies. If you cut me do I not bleed? A measuring stick can be used for beatings. --Paul Williams #3: First, measure the length of your index finger. Next, decide on a finger you prefer to use to scratch your nose. Repeat the experiment every day, for a week. The first, natural science. The second, social science. --Jamus Jerome Lim * * * Please help us choose the winner. Send your vote to PECKING CONTEST VOTE c/o ----------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-12 Pointless See section 2001-06-17 ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-13 More Hair The Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists proudly reports that it has several new members. You can see them at ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-14 Jar Search Many readers have engaged in the search for the (apocryphal?) book titled "Men Who Made Fruit-Jar History." Thanks to all. While no one has yet unearthed a book with that exact title, this tantalizing clue came from fruit jar investigator Dave Hinson (relayed via Yoel A. Strimling and others): My fruit jar discussion group suggests that the book you are looking for may actually be a chapter from a book written in 1969 by Toulouse. I thought I had once seen this as a pamphlet or reprint but nobody was able to confirm this. "A Collector's Manual Fruit Jars," by Julian Harrison Toulouse; Thomas Nelson Inc., New Jersey and Everybody's Press, Hanover, PA. p. 340. We received a tremendous amount of arresting fruit jar data, and plan to compile it for a future report in mini-AIR or HotAIR. In the meantime, if you have access to a copy of the Toulouse book, please tell us whether it does indeed have a chapter with the holy grail of fruit jar titles. And if someone has a copy of the pamphlet -- if it exists -- we would very much enjoy hearing from you. Please send pertinent info to: FRUIT JAR GRAIL c/o ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-15 Chemical Counter-Punches Liquid nitrogen, and the topic of non-flammable rocket propellants, is much in the minds of many, it turns out. Last month's inquiry by investigator Keith G. Tomazi ("I wonder if anybody else has proposed a non-flammable rocket fuel?") has ignited a flame of protests, suggestions, and outrage. Here is a sampling: If your investigator cares to pull out the nozzle from a plastic washbottle, unscrew the lid, quarter-fill the wash bottle with water, then add liquid nitrogen, rapidly screw the lid back on and invert, he'll see the propellant power of liquid nitrogen. --Allan Blackman Amateur Rocket enthusiasts have been using compressed gases and liquefied gases such as nitrogen and argon for many decades. They work great, although they have not yet been used to launch a space shuttle. --Michael Sivertz This brings to mind a tradition I have in my practice (family medicine) involving liquid nitrogen, which I use for Wart Parade every Wednesday morning, freezing off various little warts and bumples which the patients present to me for tidying up. I do the time-honoured pouring of the excess liquid nitrogen onto the linoleum floor, producing a satisfying circle of fumes, and occasionally drop a coleus leaf into the cup of frigid liquid and proceed to crumple it up into a satisfying powder. --Kirsten Emmott Readers (many of whom gleefully identified themselves as "rocket scientists") supplied us with descriptions, data, URLs, invitations, innuendoes, opinions and poetry. Space does not permit a complete presentation, but if time and circumstance permit, we will compile some of it into presentable form. Thanks to all who send in everything! ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-16 CAVALCADE OF HotAIR: Loooooong, Astrology, Monkees Here are concise, incomplete, flighty mentions of some of the features we've posted on HotAIR since last month's mini-AIR came out. You can get to all of them by clicking on "WHAT'S NEW" at the web site, or by going to: ==> We are happy to report that three of the world's longest- running scientific experiments are indeed still running. ==> The Astrology Gap between India and the rest of the world ==> Wheezers receive little attention in the popular press. ==> Today is approximately the 48th birthday of the famous 101th monkey that learned to wash potatoes by being somewhere physically far removed from the 100 monkeys that lived together on island of Koshima and taught each other how to wash potatoes. ==> MAY WE RECOMMEND: Overwork ==> AN AIR CLASSIC: Waste Not Want Not: Appendix Transplantation THESE, AND MORE, ARE ON HOTAIR AT ----------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-17 Loop See section 2001-06-06 ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-18 About Last Month's Coded Message Last month's unbreakably coded message proved to be unbreakable. ----------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-19 RESEARCH SPOTLIGHT: The Scoop on the Scoop Each month we select for your special attention a research report that seems especially worth a close read. This month's selection: "The Effect of Ice-Cream-Scoop Water on the Hygiene of Ice Cream," I.G. Wilson, J.C. Heaney, and S.T. Weatherup, Epidemiology and Infection, vol. 119, no. 1, August 1997, pp. 35-40. (Thanks to Moira Feeney for bringing this to our attention.) The authors, who are at Northern Ireland Public Health Laboratory, Belfast City Hospital Trust, report that: A survey of unopened ice cream, ice cream in use, and ice-cream-scoop water (n = 91) was conducted to determine the effect of scoop water hygiene on the microbiological quality of ice cream.... EC guidelines for indicator organisms in ice cream were exceeded by up to 56% of samples. ----------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-20 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Crabby, Choosy, Psycho Here is a further selection of items that merit a trip to the library. THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE "The Evolutionary Advantages of Being Stupid," E.D. Robin, Perspectives in Biology and Medicine, vol. 16, no. 3, Spring 1973, pp. 369-80. (Thanks to Simon Richardson for bringing this to our attention.) CRABBY, CHOOSY "Avoidance of Recently Eaten Foods by Land Hermit Crabs, Coenobtia compressus," R.W. Thacker, Animal Behavior, vol. 55, part 2, February 1998, pp. 485-496. (Thanks to Wendy Cooper for bringing this to our attention.) SUPER MODEL; STREAKING "A Model of Water Streaking Down a Wall," David A. Benson, Water Resources Research, vol. 37 , no. 2 , 2001, pp. 427-30. (Thanks to Tom Gill for bringing this to our attention.) EACH TO HIS OWN "Psychopaths for Themselves and Among Themselves. A Quasi Philosophical Study on the Odd Person" [article in German], K. Kolle, Psychiatria Clinica, vol. 2, no. 5, 1969, pp. 257-67. For additional, more extensive lists of citations, subscribe to (or borrow a copy of) the magazine. ------------------------------------------------------------ 2001-06-21 AIRhead Events ==> For details and updates see ==> Want to host an event? 617-491-4437. HUNTER COLLEGE, NEW YORK CITY THURS, JUNE 7, 2001 6:00 PM Room 1403 (Fourteenth Floor, North Building) 69th Street Entrance (between Park Avenue and Lexington Avenue) AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS and other AIRheads will describe and demonstrate the latest findings in improbable research. and the Ig Nobel Prizes. This event is sponsored jointly by the NY/NJ section of the Society of Applied Spectroscopy and by the American Chemical Society, and by the Science Writers of New York (SWINY). A nifty DOWNLOADABLE POSTER is at [NOTE: Afterward, there will be a dinner at a neighborhood restaurant. The dinner, unlike the talk, will not be free. For dinner (cost $20.00) reservations, please call or e-mail: Prof. David Locke 718-997-3271 or Ewa Bucher at or 1-914 577-7303 or Gary Ritchie at or 1-914-709-2634.] CORNELL UNIVERSITY THURS, SEPT 20, 2001 AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will describe and demonstrate the latest findings in improbable research and the Ig Nobel Prizes, as after- dinner speaker at the Cornell Nanofabrication Facility's annual meeting. The talk is open to the public. INFO: Sandip Tiwari (607)255-2329 (x101) 11th FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY THURS, OCT 4, 2001 Sanders Theatre, Harvard University TICKETS will go in sale in August. IG INFORMAL LECTURES TBA SPECIAL AIR SESSION at AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, BOSTON FEB 2002 -------------------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-22 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR). ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ SUBSCRIPTIONS (6 issues per year): USA 1 yr/$24.95 2 yrs/$44.95 Canada/Mexico 1 yr/$28.95 US 2 yrs/$49.95 US Overseas 1 yr/$41.95 US 2 yrs/$71.95 US ................................................................ BACK ISSUES are available, too: First issue: $8 USA, $11 Canada/Mex, $16 overseas Add'l issues purchased at same time: $6 each ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 ----------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-23 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@chem2.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com WEB SITE: --------------------------- 2001-06-24 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@chem2.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (airmaster@improbable.com) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne DISTRIBUTIVE EDITOR: Robin Pearce CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, Craig Haggart, Nicki Rohloff MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts (c) copyright 2001, Annals of Improbable Research ----------------------------------------------------- 2001-06-25 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. Mini-AIR is a (free!) tiny monthly *supplement* to the bi-monthly print magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ============================================================