PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 2001-11 November, 2001 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 2001-11-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 2001-11-01 Table of Contents 2001-11-02 What's New in the Magazine 2001-11-03 Ig Radio (and web) Broadcast Nov. 23 2001-11-04 The Application-Details Project 2001-11-05 The New Rise of Spas (1) 2001-11-06 The New Rise of Spas (2) 2001-11-07 EDITORIAL: Alabama Education Initiative 2001-11-08 Holiday Gift for Scientists 2001-11-09 Scholarly Romance Restaurants 2001-11-10 TWMARTWD: Knopfmacher in the Morning 2001-11-11 Queensland Acceptability (continued) 2001-11-12 On the Trail of Normal Stolz Chinchilla 2001-11-13 CAVALCADE OF HotAIR: Digestion, Grease, and Fame 2001-11-14 RESEARCH SPOTLIGHT: Weeds and Wavelets 2001-11-15 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Powder and Handwashing 2001-11-16 AIRhead Events 2001-11-17 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 2001-11-18 Our Address (*) 2001-11-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) 2001-11-20 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-02 What's New in the Magazine AIR 7:5 (Nov/Dec 2001), which will emerge from the printers very soon now, is a special HOLY GRAIL ISSUE. Here are some highlights: <> "The Holy Grail Redux," by Steve Nadis. The author continues his relentless pursuit (begun in AIR 2:2) of every mention of the phrase "Holy Grail" as it refers to tantalizing scientific goals. An abridged version is on the AIR web site at <> "The Theory of Gravy," Len Fisher, the author, who received a 1999 Ig Nobel Prize for calculating the optimal way to dunk a biscuit, here publishes his long-awaited analysis of a different problem; Where, exactly does the gravy go during the cooking of a roasting of a meal? <> "Professor Lipscomb Makes Home-Brew Tea," by Marc Abrahams. A photo-essay chronicling the further adventures of Professor William Lipscomb, the 1976 Nobel Laureate in chemistry. Here, Professor Lipscomb prepares a batch of home-brew tea. (This feature was originally prepared as part of the 1999 Ig Nobel Prize ceremony, where it was narrated by Professor Lipscomb.) <> "Are Humans Becoming More Intelligent?" by Roland Walz and Kristina Walz <> "Feline Reactions to Bearded Men: At the Alexander Lyceum," Stampor Brand. Another in our continuing series of historical photographs of felines reacting to bearded men. These and many other articles appear in the magazine. Several of them will be posted on the AIR web site during the coming weeks. The full table of contents is at (What you are reading at this moment is mini-AIR, a small, monthly e-mail supplement to the print magazine.) ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-03 Ig Radio (and web) Broadcast Nov. 23 You'll get to hear the 2001 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony on November 23 (the day after American Thanksgiving) if you are near a radio or a computer. That's the day for the traditional IG NOBEL PRIZE broadcast on National Public Radio's "Science Friday with Ira Flatow" program. This will be a specially edited version of the ceremony. For radio station schedules -- and for a live streaming broadcast -- at ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-04 The Application-Details Project We invite you to participate in the Application-Details Project. The project was inspired by investigator Lee Naish, who sent us this nice note: One of the joys (actually the only joy) I have in reading the applications for a Masters degree program (in computer science) is in discovering an occasional unexpected detail. Some applicants include unlikely qualifications (for example: Certificate of personal grooming) or list unusual subjects The applicant has studied (for example: Scientific Communism). Recently I saw a subject called "Introduction to Thinking" and was slightly concerned to see that it was studied during the second semester of the degree. I wonder if AIR might like to coordinate a list of such subjects. You could even offer a Virtual Diploma of Cogno-itellectualism to those who study a certain number of these subjects. AIR would indeed like to coordinate a list of such subjects. If you have an item to contribute to the project, please send it, along with a CONCISE description of where you discovered it, to: APPLICATION-DETAILS PROJECT c/o ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-05 The New Rise of Spas (1) A new golden era of health spas is nearly here. It is fueled by decades of dumping prescription drugs down household toilets and sinks. Most health spas were started near bodies of water that were believed to contain health-inducing or health-restoring substances. Spotty success came of the numerous attempts to identify exactly which chemicals, if any, were the active ingredients at which spas. That is about to change. As reported in the November 3 issue of Science News: Deborah M. Moll and her colleagues at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, together with scientists of the U.S. Geological Survey, analyzed local streams, treated wastewater, and drinking-water supplies... for 42 different prescription and over-the-counter drugs. Owing to the streams' locations, Moll said, any drugs in them probably trace to human excretion. Overall, her group identified 17 drugs in the samples, with a couple of them hosting residues of 10 pharmaceuticals. Compatible results have been reported by other investigators in other countries. Because the drugs enter the waters through an all-natural process (metabolic excretion), rather than via artificial means (dumping straight from the original manufacturers' containers), this process can be advertised as "All Natural." ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-06 The New Rise of Spas (2) The Annals of Improbable Research plans to dispatch teams of chemists to all of the world's celebrated health spas, there to analyze which, if any, prescription drugs now, at last, indisputably ARE in the waters. Once our list is complete, we will offer certification for any health spa that wishes to pay us. This is just another public service offered by the Annals of Improbable Research. As with HMO-NO (our wholly-owned managed health care enterprise) and all the other AIR medical initiatives, this should have a tonic effect on the world's public health care commercial infrastructure. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-07 EDITORIAL: Alabama Education Initiative The Alabama Board of Education has voted to keep putting stickers on biology textbooks to warn that evolution is "a controversial theory." (The board has been doing this since 1996). In our view this is commendable. It is one of the few actions any stuffy government committee has ever taken that might actually encourage students to become curious about what is in their textbooks. Our criticism -- yes, we do have one -- is that this move does not go far enough. If the Alabama Board of Education truly wants students to be aware that the subject is worth discussing, we urge them to add a second sticker, printed in bold red type, saying: WARNING: EVOLUTION INVOLVES S-E-X ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-08 Holiday Gift for Scientists If you are wondering what to get that special scientist as a memorable gift for the holidays (or wondering what to ask that special scientist to get you), we recommend a subscription to the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). Six issues a year of highly improbable research, both genuine and concocted. To give a gift subscription, see: ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-09 Scholarly Romance Restaurants Many a satisfied professor has responded to last month's call for recommendations as to which restaurants are frequently used to launch academic romances. The list is now on the AIR web site at If you have a new item to contribute to the list, please send it to: "SCHOLARLY ROMANCE RESTAURANTS c/o ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-10 TWMARTWD: Knopfmacher in the Morning This is the first appearance of a perpetually occasional new feature in mini-AIR. The feature is called "TWMARTWD," the letters of which stand for "Talks We Missed and Regret That We Did." This month's featured TWMARTWD talk is: "Evaluation of Knopfmacher's Curious Limit" by Dr. Daniel Lichtblau Tuesday - April 6, 1999 1:00 AM - 243 Altgeld Hall Department of Mathematics University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign For details see [EDITOR'S NOTE: To our knowledge, this is one of the few professional mathematics lectures ever scheduled for 1:00 AM. The Annals of Improbable Research endorses this and all other innovative pedagogical experimentation.] ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-11 Queensland Acceptability (continued) The so-called " Queensland Acceptability Puzzle continues to puzzle. Last month we asked you, dear readers, the question: "What specific content in last [that is, the previous] month's mini-AIR violates the Department's acceptable usage policy?" Many and somewhat varied were the responses. Here are a representative few: Investigator Feisal Kamil: The September 2001 mini-AIR contained the following items which may have violated their Acceptable Usage policy -- 7 instances of the string of characters "ass; " 3 instances of the string of characters "tit;" 8 instances of the string of characters "bra;" 4 instances of the string of characters "porn;" 1 instance of the string of characters "pussy;" In the future you may want to leave out words like "***ociations," "li***rians," and "compe***ors." Investigator Stephen Pratt: The email address is in the State of Queensland, not the Australian Federal Government. Queenslanders are a race apart, and there is still a lingering sense of distrust between them and everybody else. Investigator Terry Rout: I can only surmise that the link to your disgusting page on nano-porn has been judged (doubtless by a computer) to be likely to deprave and corrupt the innocents in the Department of Justice. Investigator Simon Hayman: I can't provide a solution as to why AIR might have been "unacceptable" but to add to collective paranoia it is well known that the Australian Security Intelligence Organisation (ASIO) uses this Department as a cover. We are either pleased or unhappy to report that last month's mini- AIR, like its immediate predecessor, elicited the following special e-mail message from the Australian Department of Justice and Attorney-General. ------ Sender: esafe@justice.qld.gov.au You have sent an E-mail to the Department of Justice and Attorney-General which contains content that may violate the Department's acceptable usage policy. As such it has been blocked from entering the Department's E-mail system. If the content of this E-mail is required as part of legitimate business operation, please contact the helpdesk on 32390001. ------ Although our curiosity has been slaked, we have acquired a healthy enjoyment in receiving this message, whatever its meaning may be, every month from our friends at the Queensland Department of Justice and Attorney-General. We would send them our best greetings, if there were but a way to get the message through. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-12 On the Trail of Normal Stolz Chinchilla Our quest to learn more about the life and times of investigator Normal Stolz Chinchilla, begun in last month's mini-AIR, has taken some turns and some twists. Normal Stolz Chinchilla is not who she or he appeared to be. A good many investigators have sent us leads, many of which turn on a subtle point: the original references to Normal Stolz Chinchilla apparently were flawed. We also were temporarily thrown onto a false trail by investigator P. Smertz, who sent us the following citation, which proved to be irrelevant: "Representation of Harmonic Complex Stimuli in the Ventral Cochlear Nucleus of the Chinchilla," A. Recio, Journal of the Acoustical Society of America, vol. 110, no. 4, October 2001, pp. 2024-33. A lead contributed by investigator O. Reston also proved to be unrelated to our quest: "Husbandry-Related Diseases in the Chinchilla" [article in German], K. Hartmann, Tierarztliche Praxis, vol. 21, no. 6, December 1993, pp. 574-80. The true story did, however, emerge. Investigator Duncan Large of the Department of German at University of Wales, Swansea compiled a dossier on the genuine investigator Chinchila. Here is the digest version: Chinchilla, Norma Stoltz (B.A., Raymond College, U. of Pacific, 1965; Ph.D, University of Wisconsin, Madison, 1973; Professor). Joint Appointment with Women's Studies. CSULB since 1982. Thus it appears that Normal is Norma, and that Norma, whom we presume to be Normal in every way except in name, is now Professor of Sociology and Women's Studies at California State University, Long Beach. (We compounded the identity confusion by also referring to her, with erroneous typographical aplomb, as "NORAL STOLZ CHINCHILLA.") You can read an autobiographical essay by N.S. Chinchilla at Thanks also go to investigators N. Fiedler, M. Orceyre, B. Hyman, C. Worth, M. Kattalia, and many others for helping track down the not-so-elusive Normal, Noral, or Norma. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-13 CAVALCADE OF HotAIR: Digestion, Grease, and Fame Here are concise, incomplete, flighty mentions of some of the features we've posted on HotAIR since last month's mini-AIR came out. See them by clicking "WHAT'S NEW" at the web site, or go to: ==> Unexpected Adventures With the Digestive ==> How Should Fame Be Measured Quantitatively? ==> Why Do Science? That's Entertainment! ==> More New Entrants in the Park Prohibitions Competition ==> Greasing This and That ==> Still more comely new Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club members ==> Stupidity Research THESE, AND MORE, ARE ON HOTAIR AT ----------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-14 RESEARCH SPOTLIGHT: Weeds and Wavelets Each month we select for your special attention a research report that seems especially worth a close read. Your librarian will enjoy being asked for a copy. This month's selection: PICK OF THE MONTH: "Texture-Based Weed Classification Using Gabor Wavelets and Neural Network for Real-time Selective Herbicide Applications," L. Tang, L.F. Tian, B.L. Steward and J.F. Reid, ASAE Paper No. 991151, 1999. (Thanks to Ben Stapley for bringing this to our attention.) The authors, who are at the University of Illinois at Urbana- Champaign, report that: A novel texture-based weed classification method was developed... Based on the elapsed time to do weed classification, the method meets real-time constraints. The paper is available on-line at ----------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-15 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Powder and Handwashing Here is a further selection of items that merit a trip to the library. PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING GOES PRACTICALLY EVERYWHERE "Drug Contamination of US Paper Currency," A.J. Jenkins, Forensic Science International, vol. 121, no. 3, October 1, 2001 pp. 189- 93. (Thanks to B.N. Senn for bringing this to our attention.) The author, who is at the Office of the Cuyahoga County Coroner, Cleveland, Ohio, reports that: It is known that US paper currency in the general circulation is contaminated with cocaine. Several mechanisms have been offered to explain this finding, including contamination due to handling during drug deals and the use of rolled up bills for snorting. Drug is then transferred from one contaminated bill to others during counting in financial institutions. The possibility of contamination of currency with other drugs has not been reported. In this study, the author reports the analysis of 10 randomly collected U.S. $1 bills.... Results showed that 92% of the bills were positive for cocaine... Heroin was detected in seven bills... and morphine were detected in three bills... methamphetamine and amphetamine in three and one bills, respectively, and PCP was detected in two bills... PERHAPS TOO INEXPENSIVE TO BE WORTH DOING "Handwashing and Respiratory Illness Among Young Adults in Military Training," M.A. Ryan, R.S. Christian, and J. Wohlrabe, American Journal of Preventive Medicine, vol. 21, no. 2, August 2001, pp.150-1. (Thanks to Joanne Berger for bringing this to our attention.). The authors, who are at the Naval Health Research Center, San Diego, California, report that, in searching a medical database: In response to increasing concerns about respiratory illness in military recruits, a simple handwashing program was developed and evaluated at a large Navy training center.... RESULTS: A 45% reduction in total outpatient visits for respiratory illness was observed after implementation of the handwashing program.. HAND RINGING AND HAND WASHING "Removal of Nail Polish and Finger Rings, by Scrubbed Personnel To Prevent Surgical Infection (Cochrane Review)," V.A. Arrowsmith, J.A. Maunder, R.J. Sargent and R. Taylor, Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, number 4, 2001. (Thanks to Jenny Fischler for bringing this to our attention.) The authors, who are at the University of Luton, Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire, U.K., report that, in searching a medical database: We found no randomised controlled trials that compared the wearing of finger rings with the removal of finger rings. We found no trials of nail polish wearing / removal that measured patient outcomes, including surgical infection. For additional, more extensive lists of citations, subscribe to (or borrow any issue of) the magazine. ------------------------------------------------------------ 2001-11-16 AIRhead Events ==> For details and updates see ==> Want to host an event? 617-491-4437 NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO FRI, NOV 23, 2001 The traditional IG NOBEL PRIZE broadcast on NPR's "Science Friday with Ira Flatow" program. A special edited version of the 2001 Ig ceremony. Radio station schedule -- and live streaming broadcast - - at MARIST COLLEGE, POUGHKEEPSIE, NY TUES, DEC 4, 2001 TENTATIVE -- check the AIR events calendar for details, if any. A public talk about the Ig Nobel Prizes and improbable research. INFO: Sherry Dingman 845-677-5084 x 2955 MARIST COLLEGE, POUGHKEEPSIE, NY WED, DEC 5, 2001 Psychology Undergraduate Research Conference (PURC). AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will present a special talk about psychology and other improbable research. INFO: Sherry Dingman 845-677-5084 x 2955 NASW, MUSEUM OF SCIENCE, BOSTON WED, FEB 13, 2002 Evening -- Special Ig Nobel presentation for members of the National Assn. of Science Writers AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, BOSTON FRI, FEB 15, 2002 Evening. Exact time and location TBA. AIR's annual special session at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science. Details TBA. -------------------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-17 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading here in mini-AIR). ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ SUBSCRIPTIONS (6 issues per year): USA 1 yr/$24.95 2 yrs/$44.95 Canada/Mexico 1 yr/$28.95 US 2 yrs/$49.95 US Overseas 1 yr/$41.95 US 2 yrs/$71.95 US ................................................................ BACK ISSUES are available, too: First issue: $8 USA, $11 Canada/Mex, $16 overseas Add'l issues purchased at same time: $6 each ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 ----------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-18 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@chem2.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com WEB SITE: --------------------------- 2001-11-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@chem2.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (airmaster@improbable.com) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne DISTRIBUTIVE EDITOR: Robin Pearce CO-CONSPIRATORS: Alice Shirrell Kaswell, Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, S. Drew MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts (c) copyright 2001, Annals of Improbable Research ----------------------------------------------------- 2001-11-20 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. Mini-AIR is a (free!) tiny monthly *supplement* to the bi-monthly print magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR ============================================================