PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 2002-03 March, 2002 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 2002-03-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 2002-03-01 Table of Contents 2002-03-02 Soon... 2002-03-03 What's New in the Magazine 2002-03-04 Obscure Journal Survey 2002-03-05 Reading Habits Revealed 2002-03-06 IG NOBEL UPDATE: Troy, MIT, and the U.S. Army 2002-03-07 Euro Complaint Correction Correction 2002-03-08 Russian Beard Scholarship Query 2002-03-09 Human Genome Puzzle 2002-03-10 Are You Having Difficulty Reading This? 2002-03-11 IG NOBEL UPDATE: J. Benveniste 2002-03-12 Most Mellifluous Chemical Survey 2002-03-13 Pointless Picture Point 2002-03-14 AIR VENT: Pooh-Poohing the Tornado 2002-03-15 The Mis-Wiring of Mann 2002-03-16 CAVALCADE OF HotAIR: Communism, Coffee, Color, Orgasms 2002-03-17 RESEARCH SPOTLIGHT: Swallowed Wrong 2002-03-18 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Bull, Plant, Scrabble, His Way 2002-03-19 AIRhead Events 2002-03-20 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 2002-03-21 Our Address (*) 2002-03-22 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) 2002-03-23 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-02 Soon... These events are on the near horizon: * AIR show at the NSF in Washington, DC, April 18 * AIR Tour of Arizona and California -- Late May & Early June To host an event, please e-mail us ASAP! For details see section 2002-03-19 below. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-03 What's New in the Magazine AIR 8:2 (Mar/Apr 2002) will be a special PIZZA, SEX, AND TELEVISION (AND CHEESE) ISSUE. It will be emerging from the printers just a few weeks from now. (What you are reading at this moment is mini-AIR, a small, monthly e-mail supplement to the print magazine.) ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-04 Obscure Journal Survey We invite you join us in conducting the Obscure Journal Survey. This is a joint research project of the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) and the Times Higher Education Supplement (THES). The project seeks mercilessly to answer a question posed by Steve Farrar of THES: "Which is the least-read academic journal?" The question may be more subtle than it appears. Yet we are determined to find the one and true answer. If you think you know which journal is the least read, please send the journal name to: OBSCURE JOURNAL SURVEY c/o Please include PITHY, persuasive evidence. If the journal has a web site, please include its URL. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-05 Reading Habits Revealed Here are the results of last month's mini-survey, which was about reading habits. The survey question was: How much of your reading is done in bed? The results: RESPONSE PERCENTAGE OF READING DONE IN BED -------- ----------------------------------- 14% a) 25% or less 26% b) 26% - 50% 48% c) 51% - 75% 12% d) 75% or more Despite our request that respondents NOT include comments, many did. Here are two that made it through our high-security anti- comment screening defense shield. INVESTIGATOR WENDY GROSSMAN: "This survey is outdated. In 2002 you should be asking, 'What percentage of your Web browsing is done in bed?'" INVESTIGATOR KAREN J. BOWEN: "Definitely (c). It would be nice to have answered (d), but that would mean discounting my day job, who are, of course, responsible for my financial wellness, and hence not really discountable. I assume, of course, we're talking about books. That said, however, it should also be noted that I clearly don't read that well, being now well into my 2nd paragraph of a response that you specifically asked us not to include. My apologies." Many readers suggested, some in perhaps too-colorful language, that we also inquire what percentage of reading is done while perched on a household appliance. That we will perhaps do in the near future. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-06 IG NOBEL UPDATE: Troy, MIT, and the U.S. Army "Imagine the psychological impact upon a foe when encountering squads of seemingly invincible warriors protected by armor and endowed with superhuman capabilities." These stirring words appear in a press release from MIT, the gist of which says: "The US Army today selected MIT to create lightweight molecular materials to equip the foot soldier of the future with uniforms and gear that can heal them, shield them and protect them against chemical and biological warfare. MIT won the Army competition for the five-year, $50 million proposal for an Institute for Soldier Nanotechnologies (ISN)." The press release is at We humbly suggest that the key person to make this work is not yet on the MIT staff. Yet he has lectured at MIT, and is a beloved and revered figure there. We speak of none other than Troy Hurtubise, creator of the world's finest anti-grizzly-bear suit of armor, and winner of the 1998 Ig Nobel Prize for safety engineering. We have it from an inside source that Troy is working on a new suit, the Ursus Mark VII, which is considerably more advanced and more flexible than the Mark VI which people have seen in the documentary film "Project Grizzly," and perhaps even more developed than the next-generation G-MAN GENESIS suit which he never fully developed. The top half of this new suit, we are given to understand, is already done, and Troy and his team are starting work on the bottom half. TROY'S RECENT DOINGS (prior to the one to which we have just alluded): ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-07 Euro Complaint Correction Correction Half (0.5, in metric terms) of Europe wrote to correct investigator Peter Moore's comment that: "each country within the EC is responsible for the design of its own Euro notes and coins." The consensus comment is: Tsk, tsk, investigator Moore. Here are two of the multitude: INVESTIGATOR BRYAN BETTS: The notes are standard across the whole Eurozone, the coins have a national face but the designs for these appear to be fixed. The correct information is, not surprisingly, on the European Central Bank's web site: INVESTIGATOR CHRIS WARD-JOHNSON: Actually, individual European countries only get control of one face of the Euro coins, not the notes -- they're the same everywhere. I live in France and did see a Belgian Euro last week, but it had the Belgian King Albert II on it not a scientist. However, Albert II's sister -- Her Royal Highness Princess Esmeralda -- is married to Salvador Moncada who should have won the '98 Nobel for Medicine that Furchgott got for his discovery concerning Nitric Oxide and who, from 1990-1997, was the world's second most cited scientist. So perhaps there's some hope. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-08 Russian Beard Scholarship Query We would be interested in hearing from any reader who can tell us what is the most accurate and CONCISE history of Russian tzar Peter the Great's decision in 1698 to impose a tax on beards. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-09 Human Genome Puzzle The much-celebrated race to map the Human Genome has inspired many important and interesting new theoretical questions. Here is one such, a quasi-mathematical puzzle. THE PUZZLE: There are five (possibly more) individuals jockeying to fit into three slots. What is the best way to fill the three slots? THE POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS: a) Choose three at random. b) Have them form temporary alliances, and have the alliances make sniping comments about each other until all but three individuals have done something to disqualify themselves. c) Same as (b), but periodically re-jigger the alliances. d) Sequence the genomes of each individual. Those with the longest genomes get the slots. e) Sequence the genomes of each individual. Those with the shortest genomes get the slots. f) Sequence the genomes of each individual. Those whose genomes most closely resemble those of the fruit fly Drosophila melanogaster get the slots. This is an unusual puzzle in that, we are told, there is a prize for the individuals who solve it. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-10 Are You Having Difficulty Reading This? If you attended the AIR session at the recent AAAS Annual Meeting in Boston and left your glasses and want them back, please get in touch with us before we begin using them as a sample in our pressure/crushability laboratory calibration program. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-11 IG NOBEL UPDATE: J. Benveniste Everybody's favorite double-Ig Nobel Prize winner Jacques Benveniste, the only person who has been awarded more than one Ig Nobel Prize, has published new and exciting results, we have learned. [BACKGROUND: Benveniste earned his first Ig in 1991 for discovering that water has the ability to remember things, and his second in 1998 for the further discovery that these memories can be transmitted electronically over telephone lines and the Internet. Details of the latest work appeared not so very long ago in: "Activation of Human Neutrophils by Electronically Transmitted Phorbol-Myristate Acetate," Y. Thomas, M. Schiff, L. Belkadi, P. Jurgens, L. Kahhak, and J. Benveniste, Medical Hypotheses, vol. 54, no. 1, January 2000, pp. 33-9. (Thanks to Robert Joubert for bringing this to our attention.) The authors report that: "We report the transfer of the activity of 4-phorbol-12- beta-myristate-13-acetate (PMA) by electronic means." Congratulations to Dr. Benveniste and his team their for continuing stream of spectacular results. ----------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-12 Most Mellifluous Chemical Survey What is the longest fully mellifluous chemical name? We will accept only entries of fifteen syllables or more. Please send your entry to: MOST MELLIFLUOUS CHEMICAL c/o ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-13 Pointless Picture Point Our inquiry about pointless textbook photos drew many and varied responses. One was plaintive: "Apropos your survey of pointless textbook photos, I would argue that none of them is pointless. I work for a picture agency specialising in images of science. We sell a lot of images to textbook publishers. Therefore, the more images in textbooks the better, as far as we are concerned. Likewise for our contributing photographers and research groups, who get a slice of the financial pie. Thus my contention is that, in some way at least, all published images in textbooks have a point to someone or other somewhere." Gary Evans Manager, Scientific Relations Science Photo Library London Investigator Katalijn Ritsema van Eck supplied a very different (or perhaps very similar) analysis: "Here are two study books with too much pointless pictures: * "Personal Relationships. An Interdisciplinary Approach," Wright, D.E. (1999). * "Consumer Behaviour. A European Perspective," Solomon, M, Barmossy, G. & Askegaard, S. (1999). "Both books also have too much pointless text. Isn't there a competition for pointless text (as in: write 40 pages about something that can be explained in one sentence)? Why don't you set up a competition with that aim? I can assure you: American social psychologists will win." ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-14 AIR VENT: Pooh-Poohing the Tornado Investigator Bob Tanenbaum fumes about last month's installment in the pointless textbook photos competition: "I looked at your article regarding 'Our Geologic Environment' and cannot help but comment that you missed the most pointless illustration of all. The book cover shows a tornado. I never knew that tornados were geological phenomena." ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-15 The Mis-Wiring of Mann "He is now undergoing tests to determine whether his brain has been affected by the sudden detachment from the technology." This quote is from a March 14 report in the New York Times about the recent tribulations of Professor Steve Mann of the University of Toronto who has lived as a cyborg for more than 20 years, wearing a web of wires, computers and electronic sensors that are designed to augment his memory, enhance his vision and keep tabs on his vital signs. Professor Mann and his electronic extensions and enhancements had an encounter with some airport security guards, resulting in a massive personal glitch. We would be interested in hearing from anyone else who has undergone tests to determine whether his brain has been affected by the sudden detachment from multiform and quirkily stylish hyper-technology. Please address your missive to: STYLISH BRAIN MISADVENTURES c/o ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-16 CAVALCADE OF HotAIR: Communism, Coffee, Color, Orgasms Here are concise, incomplete, flighty mentions of some of the features we've posted on HotAIR since last month's mini-AIR came out. See them by clicking "WHAT'S NEW" at the web site, or go to: ==> The Science of Romantic Love ==> Recommending Alex Chiu ==> About Scientific Communism ==> Fathom the Ideas? ==> The Lighter Side of Coffee ==> Adventures in Adult Education - Making Pizzas & Orgasms ==> PROOF READERS' UPDATE -- The Four Color Map Theorem ==> NOBEL THOUGHTS -- Sheldon Glashow ==> Titular Dominance in I Love Lucy ==> Heat From Nuts? THESE, AND MORE, ARE ON HOTAIR AT ----------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-17 RESEARCH SPOTLIGHT: Swallowed Wrong Each month we select for your special attention a research report that seems especially worth a close read. Your librarian will enjoy being asked for a copy. Here is this month's Pick of the Month: PRESCRIPTION: DULL WORK "Esophageal Perforation in a Sword Swallower," S.A. Scheinin and P.R. Wells, Texas Heart Institute Journal, vol. 28, no. 1, 2001, pp. 65-8. (Thanks to Christina Malos for bringing this to our attention.) The authors, who are at Christus Saint Joseph Hospital, Houston, Texas, explain that: We present the case of a 59-year-old man who sustained an esophageal perforation as a result of sword swallowing. An esophagogram established the diagnosis, and surgical repair was attempted.... The patient recovered and has resumed his daily activities at the circus, with the exception of sword swallowing. This case report presents an unusual mechanism for a potentially lethal injury.... Management of such an injury is often difficult, and a favorable outcome is dependent on prompt diagnosis and treatment. ----------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-18 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Bull, Plant, Scrabble, His Way BULL: THE ORIGIN OF FAECES "The Origin of Faeces by Means of Biomarker Detection," Ian D. Bull, Matthew J. Lockheart, Mohamed M. Elhmmali, David J. Roberts and Richard P. Evershed, Environment International, vol. 27, no. 8, March 2002, pp. 647-54. (Thanks to Tom Gill for bringing this to our attention.) HORTICULTURAL ANESTHESIOLOGY "Immobilization of a Sensitive Plant, Mimosa pudica L., by Volatile Anesthetics," N. Okazaki, K, Takai, and T. Sato, Masui - Japanese Journal of Anesthesiology, vol. 42, 1993, pp. 1190-3. (Thanks to Elise A. Malecki for bringing this to our attention.) LAW OF THE LETTER "Letter-Frequency Bias in an Electronic Scrabble Game," Charles Robinove, Chance, 15, 2002, pp. 30-1. (Thanks to Ted Charak for bringing this to our attention.) HIS WAY "How I Do It: Disease of the Anus and Rectum. Subject: Pruritus Ani," M.H. Shyavitz, American Journal of Proctology, vol. 18, no. 4, August 1967, pp. 309-10. (Thanks to Malika R. Arthur for bringing this to our attention.) ------------------------------------------------------------ 2002-03-19 AIRhead Events ==> For details and updates see ==> Want to host an event? 617-491-4437 NATIONAL SCIENCE FOUNDATION, ARLINGTON VA -- THUR, APR 18, 2002 Afternoon (exact time TBA) NSF headquarters, 4201 Wilson Boulevard, Room 1235 (the "board room"). AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will discuss the current state of improbable research and the Ig Nobel Prizes. Also featuring other AIR researchers TBA. Also featuring: * ERIC SCHULMAN * SALLY SHELTON and perhaps other AIR researchers TBA. INFO: Mary Hanson, mhanson@nsf.gov, 703-292-8070 AIR TOUR of ARIZONA and SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA -- LATE MAY, EARLY JUNE, 2002 If you would like to host an AIR event, please contact marca@chem2.harvard.edu ASAP. TWELFTH 1ST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY -- THUR, OCT 3, 2002 Sanders Theatre, Harvard University IG INFORMAL LECTURES -- SAT, OCT 5, 2002 Massachusetts Institute of Technology AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, DENVER -- FEBRUARY, 2003 Special Annals of Improbable Research session at the Annual Meeting of the American Assn for the Advancement of Science. Featuring: * AIR Editor MARC ABRAHAMS * 2001 Ig Nobel Biology Prize winner BUCK WEIMER * 1994 Ig Nobel Medicine Prize co-winner RICHARD DART and others TBA -------------------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-20 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you've been reading in this newsletter). ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ SUBSCRIPTIONS (6 issues per year): USA 1 yr/$24.95 2 yrs/$44.95 Canada/Mexico 1 yr/$28.95 US 2 yrs/$49.95 US Overseas 1 yr/$41.95 US 2 yrs/$71.95 US ................................................................ BACK ISSUES are available, too: First issue: $8 USA, $11 Canada/Mex, $16 overseas Add'l issues purchased at same time: $6 each ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 ----------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-21 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@chem2.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com WEB SITE: --------------------------- 2002-03-22 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@chem2.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (airmaster@improbable.com) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne DISTRIBUTIVE EDITOR: Robin Pearce CO-CONSPIRATORS: Alice Shirrell Kaswell, Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, S. Drew MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts (c) copyright 2002, Annals of Improbable Research ----------------------------------------------------- 2002-03-23 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. Mini-AIR is a (free!) tiny monthly *supplement* to the bi-monthly print magazine. 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