PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE ================================================================ mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 2002-06 June, 2002 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 2002-06-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 2002-06-01 Table of Contents 2002-06-02 Soon... 2002-06-03 What's New in the Magazine 2002-06-04 News From Zzyzx 2002-06-05 Bacterial Consciousness Survey 2002-06-06 Novel Suggestion 2002-06-07 SOCIAL CLASS SURVEY (mini 2002-05) 2002-06-08 Gould vs. Dawkins 2002-06-09 Il Grosso Kaboom New Jersey Turnpike 2002-06-10 Il Grosso Kaboom Postmortem Pacemakers 2002-06-11 Sound Van Impe Observation 2002-06-12 Multiplicity of Monikers: Parvulescu et al. 2002-06-13 More Mellifluous Chemicals 2002-06-14 CAVALCADE OF HotAIR: Troy (again), Rats, Bricks, etc. 2002-06-15 RESEARCH SPOTLIGHT: Telemarketer's Croak 2002-06-16 Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi 2002-06-17 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Soccer, Smells, Sex, and Blowflies 2002-06-18 AIRhead Events 2002-06-19 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 2002-06-20 Our Address (*) 2002-06-21 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) 2002-06-22 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. mini-AIR is a free monthly *e-supplement* to AIR, the print magazine ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-02 Soon... AIR's editor will give a talk (with big illuminated pictures) in Philadelphia on Saturday, June 29, at the Citizen Scientist Conference organized by the Society of Amateur Scientists. Details, sort of, are at: ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-03 What's New in the Magazine AIR 8:3 (May/June 2002) is the special NANO-FRIENDSHIP ISSUE. Highlights (in addition to those mentioned here last month) include: <> "The Sleep-Retardant Properties of My Ex-Girlfriend," by Ryan Shaun Baker. The author investigates reports that his ex- girlfriend is "hot." <> "Why I Will Never Have a Girlfriend," by Tristan Miller. The author performs a detailed statistical analysis. <> "The HMO NO_ Newsletter: Just Say 'Half' to Drugs." This edition of the regular newsletter explores and takes credit for a the growing trend in the practice of medicine. <> "Guidelines for Submitting a Research Paper," by Ernestine Ersatz. A new, straightforward interpretation of the American Psychological Association's complex and revered set of guidelines. ...and much, much more. The entire table of contents is on-line at (What you are reading at this moment is mini-AIR, a small, monthly e-mail supplement to the print magazine.) ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-04 News From Zzyzx This month, again, we are disappointed, yet pleased, to report that there is no news from Zzyzx. Details of what did not happen recently at the Zzyzx field station are available, as usual, at and at ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-05 Bacterial Consciousness Survey This month's Scientific Correctness Survey (#409) asks the question: Do bacteria have consciousness? This Scientific Correctness Survey, like all our previous Scientific Correctness Surveys, is designed to settle a burning scientific controversy once and for all, by putting it to a binding vote. Please send your vote (either YES or NO) to: Bacterial Consciousness Survey c/o ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-06 Novel Suggestion A college administrator (who requests that we not use his name) sent this suggestive note: Most months I amuse myself by reading the titles of the research papers you list in mini-AIR and trying to think of a movie plot that would encompass all of them. The May collection is the best yet, from my point of view. It's practically an entire movie in itself: "DEMONSTRATION OF THE EXPONENTIAL DECAY LAW USING BEER FROTH," "THE MOVEMENT OF BUBBLES IN A VIBRATING LIQUID." "DOES SMELLING GRANNY RELIEVE DEPRESSIVE MOOD? COMMENTARY ON 'RAPID MOOD CHANGE AND HUMAN ODORS.'" "WHY AND HOW I BECAME A SPECIALIST IN DOUBLE DENTURES." Combined into a single plot, these four items remind me of a phrase I heard many years ago in a lecture by Professor Vlada Petric of Harvard. He described some particularly arcane film as being "an expressionistic etude of alcoholism." (I later discovered that that the film was one he himself had directed in Yugoslavia.) ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-07 SOCIAL CLASS SURVEY (mini 2002-05) The results of last month's Class Awareness Survey have been classified, tabulated, and declassified. Here they are. The survey was suggested by investigator B. Mango, who wrote: My high school sociology teacher told us once that intellectuals mess up class structure, because they usually have lower-class incomes, middle-class values, and upper-class taste. The question, then, was whether this supposition is true or false. HERE ARE THE OFFICIAL RESULTS: TRUE.... 73% FALSE... 21% OTHER... 06% Despite the prohibition on lengthy comments, several dozen did sneak through the detectors. A sampling follows: INVESTIGATOR JOHN DOBSON: True. (Unfortunately space limitations do not allow me to enquire whether the cited high school sociology teacher thought this was a GOOD THING or a BAD THING.) INVESTIGATOR ROBERT KULL: False. Many have upper class aspirations, and no taste to speak of. INVESTIGATOR ROBIN FAIRBAIRNS: Of course it's true, over here in England. But it's plainly false in America, where, we're forever being told, there's no class structure. INVESTIGATOR PETER KRUG: True for us starving postdocs. But it is not true for graduate students. They have any concept of taste beaten out of them during their hazing year around qualifying exam time. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-08 Gould vs. Dawkins We note with sadness the passing of paleontologist-writer-singer Stephen J. Gould. A very minor tidbit of his career concerned the 1997 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, which included the world premiere of a mini-opera (called "Il Grosso Kaboom") about the big bang. Gould was offered and accepted the lead role of God, but then regretfully declined due to a schedule conflict. Gould was of course famous for his quasi-friendly professional rivalry with Richard Dawkins, which reached a head in the wrestling poster "Evolutionary War," published in the Sept/Oct 2000 issue (vol. 6, no. 5) of AIR. . It can now be said -- we for once hasten to add the word "jokingly" -- that in the competition for survival of the fittest, the results are now in, and we await seeing the inevitable newspaper headline: "DAWKINS FITTEST." ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-09 Il Grosso Kaboom New Jersey Turnpike On Wednesday, April 17, two AIR editors witnessed a most strange, or at least unexplained, experiment. While driving from Boston to Washington DC, they stopped for gasoline at the New Jersey Turnpike's Edison Service Area. While an attendant filled their tank, the editors pointed to a second attendant who was simultaneously pumping gasoline and smoking a cigarette. "How often does he do that?" the editors asked their (non-smoking) attendant. The answer: a shrug. We would be interested in hearing from anyone who has direct knowledge as to the purpose of this experiment. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-10 Il Grosso Kaboom Postmortem Pacemakers We pass on the following cautionary message from the May 11, 2002 issue (vol. 324, no. 7346) of the British Medical Journal: Despite the careful wording on British cremation forms asking doctors about the possibility of pacemakers being left in situ, a recent survey found that half of crematoria workers who responded had experienced a body exploding during cremation (Pharos International 2002;68:6-10). Current practice for detecting pacemakers is clearly not effective, and as over 17,000 pacemakers are implanted each year in Britain (70% in people over 70), other methods of notification will have to be considered." ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-11 Sound Van Impe Observation Investigators Carol Daubach and Richard Wallace have been studying the work of 2001 Ig Nobel Astrophysics Prize winners Jack and Rexella Van Impe, who earned the Prize for their discovery that black holes fulfill all the technical requirements to be the location of Hell. Daubach and Wallace write: We have been examining the weekly broadcasts of the "Jack Van Impe Presents" new program on their web site . It took us several months to realize that the Van Impes, in addition to their astrophysics work, are conducting important psychological research in the field of non-verbal communications. To see this, just go to their site and watch any of their broadcasts WITH THE SOUND TURNED OFF. What you will see is enlightening. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-12 Multiplicity of Monikers: Parvulescu et al. Here are two further submissions to our Multiplicity of Monikers Program, which began, long ago, by asking what is the most number of co-authors (of a single research paper) with the same family name. PARVULESCU, PARVULESCU, PARVULESCU "Comparative Behavior of silica-embedded Tert- Butyldimethylsilyltrifluoro-Methanesulfonate and Lanthanum Triflate Catalysts," A. N. Parvulescu, B. C. Gagea, V. Parvulescu, V. I. Parvulescu, G. Poncelet and P. Grange, Catalysis Today, vol. 73, nos. 1-2, April 1, 2002, pp. 177-85. (Submitted by investigator Kristine L. Danowski) CHEN, CHEN, CHEN "Selective Binding of Mannose-Encapsulated Gold Nanoparticles to Type 1 Pili in Escherichia coli," Chun-Cheng Lin, Yi-Chun Yeh, Chan-Yi Yang, Chan-Long Chen, Gee-Fong Chen, Chia-Chun Chen, and Yi-Chun Wu, Journal of the American Chemical Society, vol. 124, no. 14, 2002, pp. 3508-9. (Submitted by investigator Joannes T.M. Linders) ----------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-13 More Mellifluous Chemicals Our search for the longest fully mellifluous chemical name continues. Here are a few more. INVESTIGATOR CHESTER GRAHAM: Chlormeprobromo-alpha-isovaleryl-carbamide. (The alpha is normally written as an alpha; I spelt the alpha out in Roman to make things easier for e-mail.) Chlormeprobromo-alpha-iso-valeryl-carbamide was a kind of early tranquilizer. INVESTIGATOR ANDREW HOPKINS: A mosquito was heard to complain That a chemist had poisoned his brain The cause of his sorrow Was paradichloro- Diphenyltrichloroethane. -- Dr. D. D. Perrin So, my nomination for most mellifluous thus goes to DDT, although it may suffer disqualification on the grounds of having only 13 syllables. But one of the formal names for DDT is: 1,1,1-trichloro-2,2-bis(p-chlorophenyl)ethane which has 16 syllables, if you pronounce "1" as "one", "2" as "two" and "p-" as "pee" and don't pronounce the brackets. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-14 CAVALCADE OF HotAIR: Troy (again), Rats, Bricks, etc. Here are concise, incomplete, flighty mentions of some of the features we've posted on HotAIR since last month's mini-AIR came out. See them by clicking "WHAT'S NEW" at the web site, or go to: ==> Troy Hurtubise's New Grizzly-Proof Suit of Armor ==> How To Get Your Article Rejected ==> New Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club Members ==> The Rat & Mouse Gazette ==> Prestige of Non-Accredited Universities ==> Infectious Diseases in Bricks ==> Raul de Womynn, The Father of Desensification ==> THE HAND-HELD OPTICAL SCANNER THESE, AND MORE, ARE ON HOTAIR AT ----------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-15 RESEARCH SPOTLIGHT: Telemarketer's Croak Each month we select for your special attention a research report that seems especially worth a close read. Your librarian will enjoy being asked for a copy. Here is this month's Pick of the Month: THE ANNOYANCE OF TELEMARKETERS "Prevalence and Risk Factors for Voice Problems Among Telemarketers," Katherine Jones, Jason Sigmon, Lynette Hock, Eric Nelson, Marsha Sullivan, Frederic Ogren, Archives of Otolaryngology -- Head and Neck Surgery, vol. 128, 2002, pp. 128, pp. 571-7. The authors, who are at the University of Nebraska Medical Center, Tulane University School of Medicine, New Orleans, and ENT Physicians of Omaha, Nebraska, conclude that: Telemarketers have a higher prevalence of voice problems than [non-telemarketers]. These problems affect productivity... ----------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-16 Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi We have achieved a new level of success with the Telemarketing Optimization Project. The project, announced in mini-AIR 2001-06, tests out protocols for dealing with annoying telemarketers. On the combination of effectiveness and satisfaction, the so- called "Hi Protocol" is exceeding all predictions. The protocol is simple: Whenever the telemarketer asks you to say anything, pause for several seconds, and then softly, plaintively, say just the word "hi." Pronounce it as if it were written in lowercase and spoken by a wispy child. This past week a telemarketer phoned our office and stayed on the line through fourteen (14) "hi"s. The previous record was eight (8). ----------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-17 MAY WE RECOMMEND: Soccer, Smells, Sex, and Blowflies SOCCER OFFENSIVE "Evaluation of the Offensive Behavior of Elite Soccer Teams," K. Papadimitriou, N. Aggeloussis, V. Derri, M. Michalopoulou, and M. Papas, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 93, no. 2, October 2001, pp. 405-15. The authors are at Democritus University of Thrace, Komotini, Greece. NEW HORIZONS IN AROMATHERAPY "United Aromatherapy Effort: Relief Work in New York City," Eileen D. Cristina, International Journal of Aromatherapy, vol. 12, no. 1, March 2002 pp. 36-9. (Thanks to Steve Farrar for bringing this to our attention.) The author is at Kneading Wellness, in Lititz, Pennsylvania. DRIVING BEHAVIOR "Sexual Behaviour Among Truck Drivers in Pakistan," Sohail Agha, Culture, Health and Sexuality, vol. 4, no. 2, April 01, 2002, pp. 191-206. (Thanks to Kristine Danowski for bringing this to our attention.) CLASSIC BLOWFLY RESEARCH "Olfactory Responses of Blowflies, With and Without Antennae, in a Wooden Olfactometer," N.E. McIndoo, Journal of Agricultural Research, vol. 46, 1933, pp. 607-25. THE RISE OF CONVERSATION "What Do People Talk About in Danish Hospital Elevators?" [article in Danish], A. Hasman, N.R. Hansen, A. Lassen, R. Rabol, and S. Holm, Ugeskrift for Laeger, vol. 159, no. 10, November 10, 1997, pp. 6819-21. (Thanks to Per Snaprud for bringing this to our attention.) The authors are at Kobenhavns Universitet. ------------------------------------------------------------ 2002-06-18 AIRhead Events ==> For details and updates see ==> Want to host an event? 617-491-4437 CITIZEN SCIENTIST CONFERENCE, PHILADELPHIA -- SAT, JUN 29, 2002 Organized by the SOCIETY OF AMATEUR SCIENTISTS, held at the University of Pennsulvania. 1:00 PM. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will discuss "How to Win an Ig Nobel Prize." INFO: DRUG DISCOVERY TECHNOLOGY CONFERENCE, BOSTON -- TUES, AUG 6 5 PM. Exhibition Hall, Hynes Convention Center. AIR editor MARC ABRAHAMS will give a special presentation about "Improbable Research and the Ig Nobel Prizes." INFO: TWELFTH 1ST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY -- THUR, OCT 3, 2002 Sanders Theatre, Harvard University DUDFEST, HARVARD UNIV. weekend of SEPT 21, 2002 Details TBA 12TH 1ST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY -- THUR, OCT 3, 2002 Sanders Theatre, Harvard University IG INFORMAL LECTURES -- SAT, OCT 5, 2002 Massachusetts Institute of Technology AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, DENVER -- FEBRUARY, 2003 Special Annals of Improbable Research session at the Annual Meeting of the American Assn for the Advancement of Science. Featuring: * AIR Editor MARC ABRAHAMS * 2001 Ig Nobel Biology Prize winner BUCK WEIMER * 1994 Ig Nobel Medicine Prize co-winner RICHARD DART and others TBA -------------------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-19 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print journal The Annals of Improbable Research (the real thing, not just the little bits of overflow material you've been reading in this newsletter). ................................................................ Name: Address: Address: City and State: Zip or postal code: Country Phone: FAX: E-mail: ................................................................ SUBSCRIPTIONS (6 issues per year): USA 1 yr/$29 2 yrs/$53 Canada/Mexico 1 yr/$33 US 2 yrs/$57 US Overseas 1 yr/$45 US 2 yrs/$82 US ................................................................ BACK ISSUES are available, too: First issue: $8 USA, $11 Canada/Mex, $16 overseas Add'l issues purchased at same time: $6 each ................................................................ Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to: Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 ----------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-20 Our Address (*) Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@chem2.harvard.edu SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improbable.com WEB SITE: --------------------------- 2002-06-21 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@chem2.harvard.edu) MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (airmaster@improbable.com) COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne DISTRIBUTIVE EDITOR: Robin Pearce CO-CONSPIRATORS: Alice Shirrell Kaswell, Gary Dryfoos, Ernest Ersatz, S. Drew MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts (c) copyright 2002, Annals of Improbable Research ----------------------------------------------------- 2002-06-22 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. Mini-AIR is a (free!) tiny monthly *supplement* to the bi-monthly print magazine. 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